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what would you have said to this

(31 Posts)
ladyrainy Mon 04-Nov-13 17:36:31

MIL asked me and dh... (although she was clearly directing this at me and not at dh IYKWIM)

'Why are you the only people we know who have a child with difficulties? BIL's children and all the other children in our family are fine, so why are you the only members of the family to have a child with difficulties?'

TheLeastAccomplishedBennetGirl Mon 04-Nov-13 17:41:31

i would have a stack of answers, but not many of them printable

if i was on the ball i would ask her to explain why she thought she needed to ask, and what did she think the answer would be?

StrawberryGashes Mon 04-Nov-13 17:44:59

"That's odd, I was just wondering why you were the only excruciatingly ignorant one in the family." is what I would say after I had time to think of an answer, but in real life I would just be standing there open mouthed in complete disbelief.

ladyrainy Mon 04-Nov-13 17:45:26

yes I wish I'd been more on the ball and I would have answered..'Surely you mean that there is no-one else with diagnosed difficulties in the family MIL.'

ladyrainy Mon 04-Nov-13 17:47:26

lol strawberry!

I didn't know what to say anyway and said something about how other family members probably didn't have an IQ as high as ds's (which she didn't like grin)

she spluttered, 'What good will that do him with all his difficulties?'

I probably wouldn't have said anything as I'd have been so gobsmacked by her rudeness!

TheLeastAccomplishedBennetGirl Mon 04-Nov-13 17:49:30

do you normally get on with her?

if so, it might be worth taking this up another time, when you can approach her and have some literature etc to leave for her to read?

what are DSs issues, btw?

ladyrainy Mon 04-Nov-13 17:52:05

she's always this rude to everybody...we don't see them very often TBH

She's always coming out with gems like this though - not just to us.

ladyrainy Mon 04-Nov-13 17:53:37

ds has ASD, SPD, SPLD and possible ADHD.

He attends an indi special school so in MIL's mind is a write off.

SallyBear Mon 04-Nov-13 17:57:36

"Why don't you do something useful for your grandson and work on a cure."

TheLeastAccomplishedBennetGirl Mon 04-Nov-13 17:58:30

sounds like it's a good idea you don't see much of her then

i totally understand why it hurts, DD has ASD/SPD and is going through an extremely anxious phase right now

but she looks so normal...

ladyrainy Mon 04-Nov-13 18:07:11

They'll be making a visit soon
I may have to make myself scarce, but I kind of want to say something

The irony is that MIL thinks that she's incredibly inclusive just because there is the token child with SN within the family.

'Of course I'm not a grandson has SN,' kind of thing.

ladyrainy Mon 04-Nov-13 18:08:46

by soon I mean at the me time to plan a trip to ALDI or something grin

TheLeastAccomplishedBennetGirl Mon 04-Nov-13 18:12:54

maybe it would help if you got her some leaflets etc, the NAS (i know they aren't very popular in some circles) have some grandparent ones i think

i gave some to my 'D'M

they haven't done anything to improve her understanding, if anything they have scared her off which is a huge bonus as she's a bit toxic anyhow

ladyrainy Mon 04-Nov-13 18:18:27

lol at scaring her off grin

ironically she tried to lend me a book about ASD which she had lent/borrowed (I never know which one it is) from her friend. confused

she doesn't understand SPD at all though...getting info about that for her is a very good idea - thanks.

PolterGoose Mon 04-Nov-13 19:19:36


You've got some good responses here, keep practising grin

And remind her of the genetic link wink

Say you think the others had a lucky escape from catching her social skills deficit gene, but hopefully because you're good on-the-ball parents you target those difficulties so that your child will never come across as rude as she does.

zzzzz Tue 05-Nov-13 00:01:14

"I can't imagine. What do you think?"

Let her dig herself a deep deep hole.

Strongecoffeeismydrug Tue 05-Nov-13 07:05:50

I wouldn't have been able to stop my self and would have said why are you such an insensitive bitch!
My parents in law said something similar about my ds 6 years ago and they haven't seen any of us sincewink.
I haven't got time for people in my live that I don't actually want there.

SallyBear Tue 05-Nov-13 08:33:25

I've had the comments about having 3 out of 4 DC with SN as being told 'you don't have much luck'. I have always replied robustly that 'I see myself as very luck'.

I have a 'friend' from DS3's school (who works for the LA careers service) tell me the other day that she was pouring over a list of names of kids with statements in our area. 'Ooh there are a lot of SallyBears on the list!' There are three. I told her that 'I had cornered the market' and changed the subject. We were all out for a leaving dinner and I really wasn't about to get into a bun fight as to why the amount of statemented kids and how much it is costing in our area was NOT an appropriate topic to discuss with ten people over dinner. angry

Firsttimer7259 Tue 05-Nov-13 08:48:11

I would have said nothing while firmly filing her in my evil poisonous bitch file - to be avoided as much as possible

zzzzz Tue 05-Nov-13 09:28:24

I often feel this when professionals and AIBU arses tell me that "there is a genetic element" to ASD with heavy emphasis. Arseholes. What they don't realise is being like my own child is a compliment NOT the horror they seem to imagine.

The SENCO at the dc's last school actually held up her hand and refused to discuss my concerns about dd3 (despite selective mutism, severe epilepsy and massive side effects from medication), it was just too much for her to deal with. confused. She also asked me with heavy emphasis whether my Dh "had any friends" in the middle of a meeting. shock

I too feel very lucky and say so.

NameChange70 Tue 05-Nov-13 18:10:42

My mil used to have conversations with my dh along the lines of how I needed to discipline more etc. Since diagnosis she has tried to bombard me with useful info, based on a friend of a friends (grown up) SN child. She has also gone AWFULLY quiet about her cousins autistic son. Lol. Whatever.

NameChange70 Tue 05-Nov-13 18:14:01

Lol at genetic link. When we were going through the hellish diagnosis process, and everyone was mithering on, I was sorely tempted to tell the GPs that the hospital wanted blood tests from them all to track down the rogue gene. But push comes to shove, I am too kind.

ladyrainy Tue 05-Nov-13 21:57:47

yes I could mention the genetic link, but she would just assume I meant myself unless I came straight out with it I think! grin

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