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asd dd1 feelslike no-one likes her at high school

(10 Posts)
WellThatsLife Tue 22-Oct-13 23:27:39

Dd1 has a provisional diagnosis of aspergers, she started at high school in september and is already starting to feel isolated. She has missed quite a bit already due to illness, 4 days in hospital due to asthma another half day as pe teachers insisted she continued in the lesson although she said she felt wheezy and we ended up at drs on nebuliser and few other things.
We finally got her through a full week last week.
however she said to me today that she feels nobody in the year likes her, that it is worse than it was at primary. There have been a couple of incidents of bullying, one was in third week back when she was walking home and involved a girl who had been a nightmare at primary( not just my dd, she bullied other girls as well), we reported it school immediately and since then this particular girl has been ok but now another one is causing problems. She rang me at lunchtime to say that this girl and another kept kicking her bag and her coat when every she put on the floor and wouldn't give them back to her. I told her try and find her keyworker to tell her and I then rang the school and spoke to the keyworker who then spoke to my dd to find out exactly what was happening. dd has mentioned this girl before but all seemed to be nothing in particular. I am now waiting to see what happens.
I think I will speak to her keyworker tomorrow as she seemed quite down tonight and I want to see what we can do to help her. She does have one good friend, a lad in her year, and I know from talking with his mother that like her he is under camh, they thought it might be aspergers but now they're not sure, at least they have each other as neither of them really fit in.
What have other people in situation done

homework Wed 23-Oct-13 14:54:21

Your doing the right thing by speaking to her learning mentor , you now need to see how school respond to the situation . That's the key issue , what there response is .
My son experienced lots of things thoughout his time in his initial high school , they eventually managed to get appropriate support into all lesson so that he could achieve well academically . Here comes the but ......
The ingrained attitude towards this type of bullying that they called teasing or kids just messing about , will have an effect on your child's mental health . It will become persistent and they know in reality that as long as its not taken to extremes ie. assault they can get away with it . So your child stress levels , develop into anxiety problems . We moved schools after two years of this and a full assault involving the police .
BUT..... If the school had sorted the first initial situation out appropriate half of this wouldn't have happened as the kids would know they not able to get away with this type of behaviour . The school can't change the kids but they can change how they deal with them.
SO See how they deal with situation when you go in for your meeting , ask for copy of things discussed , so you keep a written record . Hopefully they be on the ball more than my son last school.

WellThatsLife Thu 24-Oct-13 13:53:30

Keyworker is going to chat to her tutor to see if they can buddy her with someone, she is also going to email all her teachers so that thay are aware of the situation and know to keep an eye out for any sign of trouble. THere is a base romm where kids like dd can go during lunch and breaks if they wish and there is normally one of the senco team there for them to talk to if they wish so am encouraging her to go there if she needs peace and quiet.

She did seem happier when she came home last night, although we did have a bit of a meltdown this morning as she had lost her tie, so am going to keep an eye on the situation and will be ringing the school immediately with any concerns. At least she does talk to me about any problems

homework Fri 25-Oct-13 00:21:21

That's good that there taking the situation in hand , make sure you keep on top of it , speak with her learning mentor regularly , so that you and they both keep on top of what's going on .
Glad that your daughter is happier , buddy sounds good , did the school pick this person or your daughter .

WellThatsLife Fri 25-Oct-13 10:06:46

Talking to dd last night she said that one of the girls made a comment yesterday about her telling her mother which makes me think that they have been spoken to, apart from that they seem to be ignoring her which is all she wants

homework Tue 29-Oct-13 21:01:49

How's things going is she beginning to relax presume that your on half term this week .
Has she arranged to meet up with any friend during holidays , go picture , park , shopping , help to cement friendships that's she developing.
If not encourage her to get involved in a club or two that she has genuine interest in , so she can meet overs on her wavelength.
Hope things continue to go well for her , and you need to arrange regular chats with learning mentor even when things are going well to ensure they stay on top of thing . That way you / she isn't getting forgotten about , easy for them to do with so many kids in each year.

CrabbySmallerBottom Tue 05-Nov-13 23:08:59

Your poor DD. sad This is exactly what I'm worried about for my DD if she goes to secondary next Sept. She's been home educated for the last two years and she's got such a lovely friendship group. I'm worried that we're throwing her to the wolves by sending her to secondary, and those little jibes and slights can be so devastating to them. How's your DD been since she went back after half term?

WellThatsLife Wed 06-Nov-13 23:48:44

Everything seems to be going well, but she takes all the typical comments that people make to heart and gets upset. Had a massive tantrum tonight as she didn't want to practice her bassoon, if she doesn't she will lose the school lessons. followed our rule that if an argument is getting out of control we have to go into seperate rooms for 5mins, following the other person and continuing the argument is an absolute no, this really seems to help with temper and gives both a chance to calm down

CrabbySmallerBottom Thu 07-Nov-13 10:45:34

That's a good idea about the 5 mins separation during argument - I think we could do with implementing that sometimes!

WellThatsLife Thu 07-Nov-13 16:00:52

yeah the 5 minute rule really seems to help as we are very alike, sometimes during a row I find we saying the same things and i just look at her say" we're doing again " which normally makes her laugh and stops the row dead

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