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Explosive Child - how was the experience for you and your child?

(9 Posts)
NotAsTired Mon 21-Oct-13 19:33:16

I posted this in behaviour board but was recommended to re-post on here smile:

I saw this book recommended on another thread and bought it on kindle. I have read up to the bit that says keep a log of the problems that needs solving. So I am going to start doing that tomorrow.

I'm really hoping that this book is going to help my relationship with my DS (5). Like the book describes, he is inflexible and gets easily frustrated. A lot of this stems from anxiety, which is made worse by hunger and in all honesty, by my reaction.

Anyway, how was your experience of using the methods? Did you find it difficult? And how long did it take to see results?

NotAsTired Tue 22-Oct-13 10:18:59

Bump.

Jacksterbear Tue 22-Oct-13 20:42:02

I found it totally life changing, as I know lots of other posters on here have too. It totally revolutionised the way I understand my DS and react to him.

I don't follow the " plan b" structure quite as rigidly as set out in the book but do use the general idea of collaborative problem solving.

Tbh the biggest thing it did was made me see that there is no point trying to force an issue that I'm not even that bothered about, purely for the sake of "showing ds who's boss".

NotAsTired Wed 23-Oct-13 21:59:28

That's really good to know. Yesterday, my DS had a complete tantrum about doing his reading. I know he hates doing his reading because it takes him away from his playing with his Lego. It was miserable.

sugaplumfurry Thu 24-Oct-13 12:31:40

It was very interesting and like jack said now makes me think twice about what is and isn't worth the aggro. Sadly my DH doesn't like reading therefore we can not use the helpful info to the max because only I am doing it and DH doesn't like to be dictated to by me because I am but a woman grin. I wonder....if I could use the info from the book on my DH??? hmm Now that has me thinking grin

PolterGoose Thu 24-Oct-13 17:06:37

suga if he won't read the book perhaps try this summary in PDF format by Ross Greene.

Like Jackster I don't apply the plan b thing religiously, it's more that it's given me the confidence to do what I think is right. Skills of compromise and negotiation are essential and much better ways of modifying behaviour than sanctions/punishments/consequences/whatever you want to call them.

NotAsTired dealing with meltdowns is really all about recognising triggers and taking preventative steps. So, my ds is more likely to melt down when anxious so we try to reduce his anxiety through routines, sensory activities, lots of down time and so on.

NotAsTired Wed 06-Nov-13 23:03:19

Hi again.

So, I know his triggers and I know what he has problems with. It is fairly predictable. Hunger is key, as is tiredness and shifting his focus, sensory overload, rain and a few others. I am trying with plan B. For example, reading has been an issue. So, we talked about why he doesn't like reading (because it takes him away from his lego and he does not always like the book) and why it's important to read a bit every school night. i I came up with ways to help with his reading (he could not think of anything) and he chose that he should read a page and I should read a page. Which has helped a lot. Not always. But it's a start as far as reading is concerned.

Coming for dinner is still a major problem. I can't get him to come to dinner even though he has agreed that he will. Obviously, it's not a doable plan for him. Have to re-think this one through.

Where the book has really helped me is when he is actually having a meltdown. I repeat his words back to him and it seems to calm him right down within a few short minutes. Today, after school (hungry and tired) he started to get really angry and agitated because he had wet shoes (rain) and started screaming. But repeating his angry words back at him in a calm way, calmed him down. I've used ths technique a few times now and it really works. smile

PolterGoose Thu 07-Nov-13 09:43:19

I've found that things like coming for meals and anything that has to be done at a particular time improved hugely once ds could tell the time. He has a wall clock in his room which helps lots. We've always given lots of advance notice and when he was littler we used a 5 minute giant sand timer. And I've just remembered that before he could tell the time we went though a spell where we used to measure time in units of 'SpongBobs' which are 10 minutes long grin

The wet shoes I would approach by asking him how you can avoid this happening next time, because obviously you can't turn off the rain, so you have to find another way. Use humour maybe. If he can't think of a reply then you could start suggesting different types of footwear, start with slippers, flip flops, sandals, work up to wellies. Similarly, list objects to keep the rain off him, a towel? a book? the cat/dog/rabbit? etc and then get to umbrella.

PolterGoose Thu 07-Nov-13 09:43:46

And I meant to say I'm really glad it's working for you smile

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