Please note that threads in this topic are removed from the archive 90 days after the thread was started. If you would like your thread to be retrievable for longer than that, please choose another topic in which to post it. Our SN area is not a substitute for expert advice. While many Mumsnetters have a specialist knowledge of special needs, if they post here they are posting as members, not experts. There are, however, lots of organisations that can help - some suggestions are listed here.

Goose and Carrot, refuge, rally point and fountain of all cake.

(392 Posts)
zzzzz Fri 11-Oct-13 16:59:16

Hope no one has started up for the week. Gosh it's been a bit fatiguing on the main boards.

cake wine brew for some or all.

We have had a power cut all afternoon.....it is cold.

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 17:20:41

Oooh... so sorry you're cold. I'm chilly, but have caved in and turned the heater on.

I'm quite frustrated with SS today. DS1 got in trouble today - an incident with another boy playing rough during before-school/breakfast club, and then DS1 got upset and ran into the toilets and locked himself in, so it took them maybe 15-20 minutes to get him out of toilet area. Anyway, because of this, DS1 can't go to breakfast club next week for Monday and Tuesday. sigh...

I explained to them that first of all, if they had decided on this course of action this morning, they could have AT LEAST rang me and let me know this morning, so I could then sort out arrangements in a timely manner for school run on Monday and Tuesday (as I have DS2 to get to school as well at a different school).

Secondly, by next week, he won't even remember why he's being punished. He'll have a complete meltdown because his "routine" is disrupted, and it will affect his behaviour literally all day. hmm

Third, this punishes ME, not him! I will not only have to deal with a meltdown each morning, but then I will have to drag him along (still in meltdown with my luck) to DS2's school while I take HIM to school, then take DS1 to school....late. I flat out told the teacher that he will be late both those days as obviously I cannot be in two places at one time. And that I had better not get any flack from the attendance officer.

I also pointed out that because the punishment is next week, it really won't have a positive effect on DS1's behaviour in breakfast club, as it's too delayed to be effective. He needs punishment on the same day for it to stick better. They know this. It would have been MUCH better for them to take away his playtime that afternoon, and explaining to him that it was due to his behaviour that morning. Then the next week, he could then be reminded that if there are problems with his behaviour in breakfast club, that he would lose his playtime that afternoon again - guaranteed to get his attention.

And lastly, I don't appreciate this being labelled a "serious incident" and punishment that has a huge effect on ME (rather than him as a learning experience) without ME being INCLUDED in the decision. They should have rang me in the morning today and said "we've had this happen and we need to speak to you." I would have happily come down to the school immediately and discussed it with them. But instead, I find out about it all when I go to pick him up.

I am not happy with this, and think I am going to have to meet with the headteacher to discuss it.

Sorry. Rant over. Other than that, it wasn't that horribly bad a week, just so-so.

Galena Fri 11-Oct-13 17:20:51

Hiya,

Can I have brew filled with hot honey and lemon please? I feel poo - coughing and hacking and praying DD doesn't get it! She has finished school now till after her op. We've managed to swing it so we don't go in the night before, but drive down the morning of the op. Even though it'll be an early start, I have a feeling it'll be more restful than spending a night on a 12-bedded ward!

This week has been busy - pre-op (day of 4 appointments) on Mon, school all week for DD, and parent evening yesterday. Really positive, and came away feeling pleased we picked this school for her.

Warm thoughts for you, zzzzz

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 17:22:07

Evening all.

I am surprisingly still awake. Not exactly sure how. It's either that or I'm actually asleep and all this is a dream ....

Dd has just done such a 4 year old thing. She brought home an invitation to a birthday party - first one this school year. Unfortunately we will be in Ireland (where she is desperate to go) on the day of the party. Cue enormous tantrum. She wants to go to the party, but she wants to go to Irelands on and on and on. Told her she can stay at home with Grandma while we all go on holiday if she likes and Grandma can take her to the party, cue even bigger tantrum. Then "I can't decide ... I want to do both ..." hmm

It kind of proves the point I was making to dh the other day that our kids don't appreciate anything we do or give them and seem to be expecting more and more from us all the time without thinking they need to respect, us, our home or their belongings. hmm

I feel a mean mummy clampdown coming on. wine

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 17:32:19

wine Triggles. Honestly, it's not rocket science is it. For nt, let alone children with ASD the consequence should be commensurate with the behaviour/rule broken and as close as possible to the actual event. Punishing children days after the event is ridiculous. It's similar to what they did to ArthurPewty's dd with the home-corner incident.

It's one of the few things our primary school actually gets right. I remember our inclusion team telling them exactly that about making sure ds is only punished on the same day and that we should never punish at home for things that happen at school, although discussing how he could have made better choices etc was a good idea. To be fair, the school took it on board - although ds2's class was kept in the following day's breaktime when they were 'allegedly' naughty in the afternoon - but they're almost 10 years old and nt, so able to understand.

Galena brew <--- lemsip. I missed when your dd's op is happening, as my head was too rough to read the thread back last week. You must be living on your nerves at this point? Great news that you are really happy with her school - it makes a world of difference to your day to day life when they're happy at school.

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 17:39:48

moosemama I get that here too sometimes. Not appreciate no matter what. I also tend to do the mean mummy clampdown, if it helps you feel any better. At the moment, I'm trying to just detach a bit, as I'm so angry over the school thing today I could just scream. Angry at DS1 because of his behaviour (yes, I know, I should know better, shouldn't I?) and angry at the school for the way they handled it. I just need time to cool down and then I'll cope better.

Galena glad the preop stuff went smoothly, although I hope you get over your illness quickly.

Galena Fri 11-Oct-13 17:43:23

Triggles, that's pants! They just have to learn that punishments (even for NT children) are most effective if immediate.

DD's op is 22nd Oct. I'm a bit nervous, it must be said grin

PolterGoose Fri 11-Oct-13 17:45:15

Evening all smile

brew with the contents of your choice all round tonight

<passes hot water bottle to zzzzz>

Triggles that is a crap punishment and pointless. It is worth asking why they are doing it because punitive measures don't teach skills and punishing for the sake of it is unjust.

moose nice to see you still awake, hope you get better sleep tonight, does dh do any getting up? And has he started new job yet?

Galena so pleased you've got a decent school and hope dd stays well.

Ds has had his best week so far since starting Y6. Next week me and he are meeting the secondary Senco and doing a tour which will be interesting and I have my meeting at current school to discuss his needs again.

zzzzz Fri 11-Oct-13 17:47:03

Power is back and fires burning, but I am still cold. I am old.

I have found the most beautiful wool shop and bought dd a lovely bamboo crochet hook, book and selection of wool for her birthday. I really really want it for me blush . I have also learnt that they have a knit/crochet session in the shop every Wed afternoon and am wondering whether I should go. It would be easy this week and next but might be harder later on and then I will feel resentful. sad

SummerRain Fri 11-Oct-13 17:51:56

[cough]

Sorry to hear you've joined us in the plague corner galena flowers

I'm curled up with my boys enjoying the lack of exam stress.... have to figure out what to do for dinner at some point though.

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 17:55:02

It's hard isn't it. You know deep down that kids never appreciate things that we do for them, but sometimes it really starts to grate, when you've bent over backwards, removed endless barriers to get them what they want and they don't even acknowledge it or instantly ask for more. hmm

I lost it with ds1 at bed time the other night because I stupidly went to make his bed for him and found endless piles of rubbish under his bed, including mountains of bogie filled tissues, several cups, a mummified sandwich, still half wrapped in foil, sweet wrappers, old sweets that had gone sticky ... and loads of rare and collectable Lego minifigures and Pokemon trading cards that I have, at various times, torn my hair out trying to source for him for birthdays and Christmas. Every single one of them was so vital and important - he had to have them, then he just tosses them aside and doesn't even notice they're missing. angry

Of course me freaking out about it at bedtime was the trigger to him them not sleeping for the rest of the week - because I said enough is enough and we are going to sort the whole room out - send tonnes of stuff to charity and redesign the room. He's conflicted because he is embarrassed about the Bang on the Door alphabet stickers he has around the top of the picture rail, but doesn't want them taken down, as he doesn't want the room to change. The other week he got all the posters out of his pokemon and nintendo magazines and covered most of them up. It looks ridiculous, the stickers themselves are old and peeling in places, but he still won't let us take them down. He is also still sleeping curled up in a toddler bed, because he won't let us extend it to full length. <<sigh>>

The thing is, he shares with ds2 and he does want a nice grown up teenagery bedroom. We've put it off as long as we can, but it's getting desperate now.

I should add that his bedroom isn't normally so disgusting, but because I haven't been well for a couple of months, I've failed to check to the extent of under and around beds when I've told them to tidy it - just checked it was clean enough to vaccuum and dust - so surface tidy I guess. I have asked dh to check their room several times in that period of time though - he obviously didn't bother. angry

We're getting the same from the boys this weekend. Dh has to work and therefore can't take them to Pokemon League. Apparently it's some important tournament and they are both angry that they can't go, but I don't drive and it's just not possible. Dh gives up half a day every other Saturday to take them, he doesn't want to blooming well work, it's not his fault, but you'd think he'd committed some sort of heinous crime from the way they're going on about it.

They're all just coming over as horrible spoiled brats and I've had enough of it. I've told them all it's going to be a lean Christmas and not to ask for anything rare, collectable or expensive. I spent weeks last year sourcing rare Pokemon cards, some costing £10.00 each - then I find them under the bed, stuck to a tissue by a bogie and covered in melted sweetie goo. angry

RippingYarns Fri 11-Oct-13 17:57:09

My week has been much the same as last week but DD has just made me chuckle by bidding DiL 'farewell'. Then turned to me and asked what farewell meant :-D

capticorn1 Fri 11-Oct-13 17:58:56

Hi everyone, Trigg was your DS the only one playing roughly? If not was the other child/children punished the same as yours?
It's bad that schools continue to put sanctions in place that will serve no useful purpose.

Moose, good luck with that one.

Galena, hope the honey and lemon works.

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:02:46

Thanks Polter. Dh got up every time last night, but he sleeps through them, so they wake me - then I have to wake him. The previous two nights I was on my own, as he was so exhausted his boss was having a go at him for being permanently tired and vague, so he slept downstairs to get some peace.

He starts his new job mid-November, but has loads of ridiculous deadlines at his old job first - hence the late nights and weekend work. He really wants to tell them to shove it, but his current boss has deliberately delayed sending his reference - so is effectively holding it over him as leverage. angry

He's been very good, he's doing all the breakfasts, supervising everyone getting dressed, ds1 onto his transport and then taking the other two to school and he's cooked tea every night he's been home this week. I just get up to kiss them all goodbye and wish them a nice day at school. I think he's a bit worried about me - I do look er .... a tad rough at the moment.

I didn't get to rest this afternoon as one of the mums from school turned up on the doorstep unexpectedly. She's lovely, one of the few mums I have ever let in my home and she's struggling with getting her youngest dd dxd and supported, because the school is being - well exactly what they were like with ds1. angry

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:04:32

Capticorn, thanks - I just ranted at the time, but the enormity of what I said has been sinking in ever since. Not only is sorting the room an enormous task, but getting ds1 to accept it is gargantuan ... I may never get another whole night's sleep again! shock

SallyBear Fri 11-Oct-13 18:05:54

Had a nightmare wake up this morning. DH has been in Nuremberg all week, and this morning I couldn't find the puppy when I woke up. I opened DS4's door to be met with a very stressed puppy but a scene that can only be described as a shit storm. Forty minutes later I've cleaned and wiped and washed and just generally aired DS's room. God knows how long the poor pup had bed stuck in there, but seeing as he doesn't bark and DS4 doesn't talk..... it was a good job that the flooring is laminate.

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 18:06:39

capticorn1 I believe both boys were punished for the rough play. But DS1 was in further trouble because he got upset and ran into the toilet and locked himself in. Part of me is a bit hmm because it was an "upset reaction" that they're punishing him over. Not to mention I'm annoyed as since this other boy has started breakfast club, DS1 has gotten in trouble with him a few times, whereas last year he was fine all year in breakfast club. I've already had a word with the teacher about DS1 being kept away from this boy as much as possible as the boy either winds him up or encouraging him to do things he shouldn't be doing. Looks like I'm going to have to bring this to their attention again. He's at least a year older than DS1, possibly two, and he just seems to come up with all this stuff that DS1 just doesn't think of on his own. hmm

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:07:13

wine Sally

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:09:36

Triggles, I'm shocked they think he should be punished for a non-violent emotional response to a situation. Surely running to the toilets is a much better choice than staying and shouting the odds - or worse? I think removing himself from the situation was actually quite a good choice, given the alternatives.

hazeyjane Fri 11-Oct-13 18:09:58

<rings warning bell>

I'll just snuggle up in the corner in my dressing gown and bedsocks looking glamorous, sipping cocodamol and knocking back antibiotics.

Left ds watching Pirates (his new favourite thing!) this afternoon whilst I washed up, looked in to check on him to discover him precariously balanced on window ledge, he fell backwards and now has a huge bump where he hit a chair on the way down Lesson here is - never do washing up.

PolterGoose Fri 11-Oct-13 18:10:17

moose you're frazzled, ds is frazzled, give yourself a break and take it easy for a bit, things don't matter, everyone's well being does flowers

hazeyjane Fri 11-Oct-13 18:11:40

Oh dear, Sally - large wine and a new pair of Marigolds for you.

I think they call that a messy protest.

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 18:15:12

capticorn1 to the best of my knowledge, the other boy got a red card but is still allowed to go to breakfast club. I was told the punishment was because he ran into the toilet and locked himself in (which the other boy did not do).

SallyBear Oh goodness, that doesn't sound good! Poor you to have to clean it all up! (and yes, thank god it wasn't carpeting!)

moosemama I agree regarding Christmas. I'm really struggling with this here as well. And I'm trying to get EH to understand that he doesn't need to buy the DCs things just because they want them. He's overcompensating, I suspect.

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:16:25

Polter my non-sleep deprived brain knows that, but the stressed out exhausted one is having a hard job calming down. blush

The main reason I want his room done is because he has started getting stressed about the mess himself - to the extent that, bizarrely, he's started hiding things in my room. Last week I could hear a clock ticking in our bedroom - I can't stand the sound of ticking clocks (childhood issue) and dh has tinnitus, so couldn't hear it. I thought I had finally lost the plot, but went around the room checking just in case. grin Found ds1's old alarm clock (doesn't work, but he can't part with it) wound up in my curtains, which were then stuffed behind the radiator. Apparently he put it there because the mess in his room was upsetting him. confused

The problem is, their room is full of old games and toys he can't part with, every cupboard and shelf is heaving with things going right back to his toddler years. If I ask him to give something away, all he can manage is something like a broken piece of a kinder egg toy or something similar. As a result, everything they've been given since last Christmas is homeless and ends up just hanging around in piles on the floor - or under the bed. hmm

capticorn1 Fri 11-Oct-13 18:18:44

Trigger, that is not fair or right, he should not be punished like that for being upset.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now