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Trying not to over react till I have the facts..

(15 Posts)
Nicknameinvalid Thu 19-Sep-13 17:00:10

Ds is having LOTS of problems adjusting to the new school routine.. Daily meltdowns Despite being very settled last year.. Teacher says the right things but then appears to think I'm insane over reacting.

He had the mother of all meltdowns in the carpark of school today.. Teachers had to help me get him into school as he was hysterical.. Real sobs etc - this is always the aftermath of a meltdown.. Whilst in meltdown he kicks, screams, threatens to kill you etc.. Afterwards he is inconsolable for a good 10 minutes whilst all the emotions catch up. (I informed them of this at the time - plus it's a small school and everyone knows ds)

Anyway - despite having a reasonably good relationship with the school usually this year is proving horrificdifficult.. I've now found out from DD (3 years older and NT) that she was removed from class today to talk to a teacher about 'what's going on at home' (ds was also present)

My instinctual reaction is to say 'what the fuck are they implying' dh has pointed out that ds was upset and maybe they called dd to help calm him.. But when I arrived to pick him up from school no one said anything even after a detailed conversation with ds's teacher who told me the meltdown was because ds didn't have his water bottle (which is ds's standard answer to any question he doesn't know the answer too.. Think of something you want to avoid the uncomfortable feeling)

They think it's me don't they! sad waiting for school to call back.

Oh the irony of then totally fucking up not following their own transition plan and then blaming me.

of course this could all be in my head proving that I am of course insane

Ds is under CAMHS with a diagnosis of ASD/ADHD/dyspraxia so they do at least know I'm not making it up.

Please tell me im over reacting!

Nicknameinvalid Thu 19-Sep-13 17:01:47

I honestly think that with what we have all been through over the last 6 weeks that someone insinuating it's me or my parenting or lack thereof will finish me off

Nicknameinvalid Thu 19-Sep-13 17:01:59

*3 weeks

SummerRain Thu 19-Sep-13 17:12:53

Well, I'm assuming you'd have mentioned if there had been major upheaval at home so it's not home life that's triggering this. But a huge change in attitude to school this year suggests something has changed....logically then it must be school that's the issue.

Turn the tables. As soon as they call back ask them what has changed in school to cause this behaviour. What are they doing differently this year and why? If his teacher has changed is it her methods? Does he have a TA to assist him and if so is it the same one as last year to ease him into a new class? Is he with the same classgroup and if not is it the change in dynamics? Is his new classroom too loud/hot/crowded?

Something is causing this but it sure as hell isn't you nickname so don't tolerate them insinuating anything of the sort.

Nicknameinvalid Thu 19-Sep-13 17:16:19

Summer there is a thread in here somewhere - school totally cocked up the transition from KS1 to KS2 - he had no 1:1 support for 3 weeks, and they have now reintroduced another 1:1 support worker whom ds isn't familiar with.. He has no visual timetable and teacher is fighting me about it - his action plan seems to have gone well and truly out the window..

I know it's not me.. Absolutely nothing has changed at home and he's only having the meltdowns on school days not at weekends.. I just fear the school thinks it's me sad

starfishmummy Thu 19-Sep-13 17:24:28

I expect they do - because they won't want to blame themselves.
I think you need to talk to them about why they have abandoned the action plan.

SummerRain Thu 19-Sep-13 17:53:34

they're desperately trying to shift blame then. Have you gone to the HT? Who is it you're waiting for the call from?

stillstanding29 Thu 19-Sep-13 18:12:02

It must be you invalid! It can't be school! (Even though they are not doing what even they said they need to be doing).

They are the professionals don't you know? You are just the annoying amateur pointing out their mistakes.

stillstanding29 Thu 19-Sep-13 18:12:47

Oops!

NoHaudinMaWheest Thu 19-Sep-13 18:57:41

Nickname I get how upsetting this is. Similar stuff happened with Ds when he was younger (including questioning the NT sibling).
You know it is not you and what's more you know what it is. Don't let them undermine you.
As Summer says ball straight back to their court.

okthatsweird Thu 19-Sep-13 20:25:46

Nothing like a good game of Tennis invalid wink At the end of the day you know why, they know why so their feeble attempts at passing the buck are useless really aren't they? smile

stillstanding29 Thu 19-Sep-13 20:28:09

Hi invalid sorry if my previous post wasnt clear and came across as rude (twice). I was thinking about how arrogant schools can be sometimes and how they assume the problem must be yours because of that.
I really feel for you because the situation seems so easily avoided - if they had just followed their own plans.

magso Thu 19-Sep-13 22:41:28

Why do schools assume that just because a child settled by the end of last year, that the child will be perfectly happy, after a summer break,(without the stresses of fitting in a challenging classroom environment), never mind removing all support and giving a new class and timetable!
I am afraid this is so familiar (ds has ASD/ADHD and LD, so these have been trying weeks for our household too despite a special school and little change in support). I found it helped to get my DH involved. For some strange reason men are listened to and rarely blamed or thought of as 'overprotective' even when saying the very same thing.
Speaking to your dd may have helped since children often state the obvious with wonderful innocence.
It is possible that they genuinely need to be reminded that for a child with all theses difficulties (social/motor/attention/sensory/processing/difficulties with transitions and change etc) that having to go to school, listen, shut out distracting sights and sounds, work out what people mean etc is very difficult and takes masses more effort than for an NT child. Just being back at school is a challenge, without taking away the support that was so essential last year.

You need to write to them (paper trail ) informing them of all the things the should have done but didn't, document your ds' consequential behaviour and ask them what their plan is now?

IN WRITING.

SummerRain Fri 20-Sep-13 10:42:51

Is he under CAMHS or similar? Is there an outside agency you can enlist to back you up on this?

And as starlight says, put it in writing and request a written response. They can't backtrack once they've commited it to paper, or accuse you of misunderstanding.

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