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Can't do this again :( :(

(36 Posts)
Nicknameinvalid Sun 15-Sep-13 21:40:55

Backstory: DC (aged 8) has ASD, he is medicated for anxiety and after a long fight was settled in mainstream school - by fight I mean I basically lived at the school for early pick up's etc.

Last 2 years he's had an amazing amazing teacher - had no prior knowledge of ASD which if I'm honest worked well as she had no expectations and worked with ds as an individual not a label..

Cue this year.. We have been back at school for 2 weeks - ds is a WRECK.. He's melting down daily, screaming fits, self harming etc.. I'm at my wits end.. This is going to sound awful but he's bordering on feral at the moment on school days - he spent 4 hours trashing his room, absolutely hysterical, threatening to kill people.. I honestly thought we were going to have to get him sedated..

Last Friday I spoke to DS's teacher and begged asked what could be done.. It then turns out that ALL of ds's support has been withdrawn.. All of it - he is being treated as a NT child in a typical environment.. There reasoning? In his class are 8 (neurotypical) children that are considered behind and so the TA is working with them solely to bring them to where they need to be..

I'm fucking livid.. DS last year had 15 hours of 1:1 (1:5 on occasion for table work) but was the focus of the 1:5 if that makes sense?

Ds's teacher says that KS2 you don't get as much support? How is this possible? The bastard head teacher assured me last year that this very thing would not happen and that we didn't need to apply for a statement for DS as 'they only issue statements for over 16hours and DS is managing very well with what school is able to provide' what the fuckwit didn't tell me was that it might all change!!

I am now pending a meeting whereby I should find out this week if they have 'allocated him' extra hours.. Meanwhile I will just rock my hysterical child some more shall I? angry

Actually I'm not angry, I'm absolutely devestated - I'm literally watching every ounce of work me and his last teacher put it just disappear and with it my little boy who was coping with mainstream.

God that ended up long! Sorry sad I just don't know anyone else who will 'get it'

stillstanding29 Sun 15-Sep-13 22:02:42

Oh no invalid!! Poor you and your DS. That sounds unbelievable (but yet again all too believable).

Good luck this week.

Smartiepants79 Sun 15-Sep-13 22:10:42

This has been very badly handled.
His previous teacher should have been asked for input on his needs.
You MUST stat pushing for statementing. It can take ages so start now!
If he needs guaranteed support he needs a statement.
Start recording everything that has/is happening.

Nicknameinvalid Sun 15-Sep-13 22:16:34

Can the LEA give a statement to a child needing less than 16hrs? The head teacher told me that they wouldn't give him one as he isn't violent (to teachers or children.. Just me hmm and that they don't give statements under 16 hours..

Trigglesx Mon 16-Sep-13 07:57:08

Push for a statement. The headteacher is wrong. DS1 is not violent and he has a statement. I know of quite a few children that have statements that are not violent.

They didn't want you to apply for a statement because if you do, then it will be put in writing what support must be provided and they don't want to be locked into it. They are not looking out for your child's best interests, so you need to!

MovingForward0719 Mon 16-Sep-13 09:02:18

Hiya I'm not sure how much help this as my situation was quite different to yours but I found it helped to get a bit more clued up about SEN law etc. Have a good read of the IPSEA website or phone them for advice. Mention during your conversations with SENCO/Head etc that you are seeking advice from IPSEA as you are so concerned etc. I found that people were SO much nicer to me when I did.

Smartiepants79 Mon 16-Sep-13 09:48:15

What he seems to need is permanent, guaranteed support. The only way he will get this is if he has a statement. I think the issue for the school is that under a certain amount of hours they get no additional funding. I think it's 15 hours or less and they get no more money to provide the extra support.
A statement would be useful for may reasons not least to perhaps help with transitions to secondary school. It is not a permanent thing. It has to be re-evaluated every year.

WetAugust Mon 16-Sep-13 11:56:05

... and we always qualify any talk of funding with the words "Not your problem".

It's for school and the LA to sort out funding. We should just concentrate on what support is required.

WetAugust Mon 16-Sep-13 11:57:06

You're still getting responses on AIBU. Not terribly helpful ones as most on AIBU have little to no SEN experience.

You may want to get that AIBU thread moved over here.

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Mon 16-Sep-13 12:23:52

I know that funding is not the issue for parents but changing legislation makes it difficult to know what is actually the case.

For example, there is reference to the school's SEN funding removed BUT school's have never had discrete, ring-fenced SEN funding. How is it possible to remove something that was never 'present'?hmm

Nicknameinvalid Mon 16-Sep-13 12:31:35

I think I may have learnt my lesson about aibu!!

WetAugust Mon 16-Sep-13 12:50:27


You see we weren't complaining about it being in AIBU - just that on that board you'll get responses which are plainly very wrong. grin

Anyway.... welcome to the SN board. We even have our own pub - The Goose and Carrot. grin

devilinside Mon 16-Sep-13 13:07:32

My ASD boy (7) can be violent and I can usually pinpoint why. e.g. last week I was questioning him about a social situation at school, (something I can see he couldn't care less about) I realised my questioning was actually about my needs, not his (I'm desperate for him make friends) and sure enough he lashed out.

Might be worth trying to unravel just what it is that is triggering the outbursts.

I have Asperger's myself and know what it's like to be questioned, and forced to communicate, when I don't want to.

My son is not violent at school and has no statement. He is violent at home when his sister makes fun of him, or when he is pressurised by 'NT type' communication (sorry, don't know how else to word it)

Nicknameinvalid Mon 16-Sep-13 13:15:22

Pub? perks up are there pork scratchings?

I think I have a 'block' on being a special needs parent.. I know ds is SN and mostly I've accepted it.. Mostly hmm but I still struggle with the 'permanence' of it..

WetAugust Mon 16-Sep-13 13:23:43

I think we all did in the beginning.

In the ginning we were all pretty much meek and mild parents who relied on school to do the best for their child. We would never have believed that school would lie to us or would fail to seek the correct amount of help for our children.

But we wised up.

It's sad but the only person actually batting for your child is you yourself.

And the best way to battle for your child is to understand how your child should be supported. By reading the SEN COP and questioning school when they deviate from the law and guidance that is explained in the SEN COP.

So, we are now roaring harridans who don't put up with no crap from no one any more as far as fighting for the right support for our children.

Welcome to the club


TOWIELA Mon 16-Sep-13 14:07:29

So, we are now roaring harridans who don't put up with no crap from no one any more

What Wet says (with bells on) grin grin

Nicknameinvalid Mon 16-Sep-13 14:37:55

I think I need someone like that in my life lol.. At the moment ds's dad is happy to 'let the chips fall where they may' (yeah it's not you that's having to restrain a screaming child whose desperately trying to either attack you or himself) and then there is me.. Who feels like I've suddenly fell into the looking glass.. I've got one other child (NT) and I clearly remember being terribly indignant when they didn't change a reading book or wasn't pushing her enough.. Oh god those were the days.. When 20 minutes before school pick up you aren't thinking 'here we go!' Or worse you see the teacher looking for a parent on the playground and your immediate thought it 'don't be me, don't be me' tho it usually is hmm I wish they could see him as he is at home at weekends (versus school days).. Happy, cheerful.. He's not the most chatty of kids but he's also not ripping chunks of his hair out or screaming that he wishes I was dead!

WetAugust Mon 16-Sep-13 15:40:03

What you've described is a boy who is not being properly supported at school and the lack of support is distressing him.

With ASD and anxiety they have trouble naturally understanding what's expected of them in school and how they need to respond to certain events / behaviours etc that they meet in school. If they can't understand it and the right responses don't come naturally to them because they have ASD then their anxiety increases.

Their anxiety decreases at home because they understand home routine and what's expected of them so being at home is not distressing.

That's why he need proactive support at school to help him make sense of it all and to help him be less anxious.

He is very young to have been medicated for anxiety. That means his anxiety is probably severe. He will only have received medication via a psychiatrist?, so as he's receiving input from medics outside school he should be on Schools Action Plus in terms of SEN support and should have an IEP that monitors his progress at the very least termly and ideally more frequently.

I cannot imagine how school thought he would cope when they decided to remove all support. That was just plain cruel angry

These are all points you could make at your meeting.

Nicknameinvalid Mon 16-Sep-13 19:13:06

He is under CAMHS and has been since the age of 6.. He was really bad.. Not as bad now at all by those standards.. Prozac is like a family member hmm he has an action plan plus that highlights movement breaks (also borderline for dyspraxia), speech and language groups, visual timetables, a daily movement group.. And a gemex group All of which state 1:3 or 1:2 etc (none of which is being done).. But doesn't specifically cover 1:1 support sad

WetAugust Mon 16-Sep-13 22:38:41

It's good that he at least has an IEP - coupled with the fact that he is seeing CAMHS will tell the LA that he has longterm SNs.

TBH - the IEP sounds useless. Just listing stuff is not the purpose of an IEP.

A good IEP should set targets and monitor progress towards achieving those targets. So simply having things like movement breaks written in it doesn't really achieve much.

What school should have done is to draw up an IEP that is SMART - where SMART is an acronym for:

Specific, so that it is clear what the child should be working towards
Measurable, so that it is clear when the target has been achieved
Achievable, for the individual child
Relevant, to the child’s needs and circumstances
Time-bound, so that the targets are to be achieved by a specified time

I've never heard of a 'gemex group' .

I don't want to worry you but you have a potentially very serious problem. Your son undoubtedly needs support at school given his level of anxiety and other dxs. Asking him to attend with little to no support is not going to work and could cause him lasting damage. I have a very anxious Aspie myself.

I hope you are putting thus very firmly in a letter to school and also applying for a Statement. You may get some support from CAMHS if you tell them what has happened.

Ilisten2theradio Tue 17-Sep-13 11:28:06

Do you have a parent partnership that is not part of the council where you live?
They can help you word letters to apply for a statement,
But in the meantime they can attend meetings at school with you as an impartial observer and take minutes - sometimes this forces the school to be careful what they say and do to comply with the law.
It can be a useful weapon.

I would ask for an immediate meeting with the SENCO and CT and ask them to re-write the IEP to comply with SENCOP download it [[ ]] and have it sitting prominently with post it notes in your meeting.
Also the sen toolkit aimed at teachers has a section about IEPs and how to write and implement them.

WetAugust gives great advice above about IEP targets.

Also as she also said the funding is not your problem. This is waht you tell the SENCO. Smile sweetly and say so and explain that this is your DS and you will continue to fight to get the best help for him and how they fund it is up to them.

In answer to your question about statements they can issue for any hours you like. DS was originally issued one with 8 hours in it ( I refused it and its now 15)

Nicknameinvalid Tue 17-Sep-13 16:52:39

God what a day!! - pass the wine first off I get into school and ds shows me his new table.. Which is at the bottom 'end' of the class, complete opposite end of the whiteboard which he's supposed to look at and.. (Wait for it) facing the fucking wall!!!!! Oh my god I went mental.. I honestly don't think I've ever lost my temper to that extent.. then I burst into tears I left the classroom and walked marched straight to the head teachers office where I was told he was in a meeting - I told them I wanted a phone call within the hour I was calling ofsted and the LA from my spot in the carpark where I would be waiting angry

Whilst I was waiting stewing in the car I checked my emails and have an email from my sons swimming teacher letting me know (she has taught him for over 2 years) that she is genuinely worried about the health and safety of teaching him at the moment as he is so impulsive and well basically dangerous hmm.

So I run home, print the email and appear back at the heads door - and then I proceed to walk into his office (school secretary's were obviously warned off by my 'don't fuck with me today' look.

The upshot is - the head had already had a supply teacher come in and complain about the way ds had been sat and ds's previous teacher had expressed concerns having seen ds at break times stimming..

The support was not withdrawn with heads consent or knowledge and he was very unhappy about it - the support will be reinstated by end of the week, as will his action plan.. On top of that ds's teacher will be attending some training as a matter of urgency on autism and has been told he WILL be attending the early bird plus course with me grin.. We are also sitting down in 3 weeks to sign off the final paperwork to apply for his statement (I have a date / I wasn't gonna be fobbed off)

Overall i think it's gone well.. But I am fucking shattered!

Nicknameinvalid Tue 17-Sep-13 16:53:19

In case it wasn't clear - ds was on his own at the table!!

Smartiepants79 Tue 17-Sep-13 18:16:44

Well I'm glad you feel you're getting somewhere. If you have the Head on side that's a big plus.
I can't quite believe how little advice this new teacher has asked for. Speaking to the previous teacher about any SN children and learning how best to support them should be standard practice.
That kind of seating arrangement can help some children, I've seen it used effectively once. But only with the consent of all concerned including the child involved.
I hope you see some changes.

Trigglesx Tue 17-Sep-13 18:47:31

I'm confused - his new class teacher took it upon herself (or himself) to withdraw all support? Without clearing it with headteacher? I would assume this action is considered negligent as it goes against all previously approved discussion and agreements regarding your DS, so this had better be something for which she is disciplined in some way as well as given further training. I would also insist that she be required to run any significant (or even minor as she seems to have a screw loose) changes for DS through the SENCO or HT.

Unbelievable. You're going to have to be watching things very closely all year, I suspect.

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