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I am being a horrible person...pangs of jealousy(?) over something ridiculous.

(9 Posts)
hazeyjane Fri 13-Sep-13 11:57:07

Ok I am putting this here because I want it to disappear, but I need to get it out of my system, because it is gnawing away at me.

There is a lady with a ds very similar to my ds, who our portage lady would like to put me in touch with. When the portage lady met her ds, she mentioned the syndrome that ds is in a study for, because she couldn't believe the similarity between them, and the lady mentioned it to her ds's geneticist (the same as ours)

She has just called saying that the lady would really like to meet me and would it be ok to pop in at the end of the portage session.

I am fine with this, I know how hard it is when you don't know anyone with a child with sn, and I know how lucky I was when a mutual friend introduced me to a woman whose ds has sn, and we have become such good friends. I want to be able to pay it forward IYSWIM.

The daft thing is that the portage lady then said that this woman is going to see the geneticist today as they have had results for her ds.

As soon as she said it, I realised I don't want to meet her. It sounds stupid, but I can't bear the fact that we have heard nothing back from the study or the geneticist, and I keep a lid on it and don't think about it, but I have been crying ever since putting the phone down, because....what? Am I jealous of the fact that her ds has had some sort of result? What sort of horrible person does that make me.

I am being stupid, tell me to get over myself and be a decent person, because I really don't know what has come over me.

mignonette Fri 13-Sep-13 11:59:22

No this is displaced anxiety over your results. I'm not going to 'award' you an YABU' because I can imagine the concerns the wait has caused you.

Just wanted to say that i understand. It will blow over, this feeling.

PolterGoose Fri 13-Sep-13 12:47:38

Oh hazey I agree with mignonette that it's your anxiety. And it doesn't matter how much we know logically/rationally that what happens to other people makes no difference to us we still can't help it affecting us, often in completely unpredictable ways. You're so not horrible, just human flowers

zzzzz Fri 13-Sep-13 13:17:23

I waited over a year for dd's results and I would say you are being totally normal you silly woman. Of course you are jealous, he's your baby and the waiting is horrible. The reason so many of us find it hard to find friends in a similar position is not just that there is only a small group to choose from, it's also that some of us are very well disguised walking wounded.

Meet her, she may help you or you may help her, but ultimately if you wait to be "in a good place" you may never get there. Our "good places" are other people's wobbly moments. That's nothing to be ashamed of. You are walking a much more stoney and twisting path than the average Mummy. Friends will help.

Honk honk hazey

lougle Fri 13-Sep-13 13:34:33

Oh don't be daft flowers [hugs] I get jealous of people with an ASD diagnosis because at least the general population have heard of it and say 'oh right'. When I say 'widespread cortical dysplasia' people go 'err......' then I have to say 'yeah, it doesn't really mean anything....'.

Bluebirdonmyshoulder Fri 13-Sep-13 13:51:25

You're not being ridiculous at all, your reaction is completely understandable and I'd actually be surprised if you didn't feel like this.

It's also totally reasonable that you've changed your mind about meeting this lady. I'm actually utterly stunned that your portage worker has suggested she pops in to your house. That's incredibly unprofessional of the portage worker.

If you want to give yourself some breathing space then why don't you ring your portage worker and say you've had second thoughts and you're not really in the mood to meet at the moment. However if the lady doesn't mind you having her number then you can get in touch when you feel ready. And maybe meet on neutral territory.

You're not a horrible person, you're a lovely person and a fantastic mother who is dealing with something horrible. Be kind to yourself and do what's right for you and by association, mini-hazey. You two are the only ones who matter here.

And maybe get quite drunk tonight not that alcohol should ever be used as a crutch, oh no.

zzzzz Fri 13-Sep-13 14:41:31

"And maybe get drunk tonight" grin

Firsttimer7259 Fri 13-Sep-13 16:18:04

I award you the big fat normal badge. This is hard, the waiting is one of the worst things about it. You are having one of those awful moments when the bad painful parts of how you feel hit. It will pass in the meantime be kind to yourself - do only what ypu feel ypu can handle whether that's meeting this woman or not. Its fine.
You are a lovely supportive person and an amazing mother. Having a wobble and needing a bit of time to let those feelings out doesn't change that

hazeyjane Fri 13-Sep-13 20:14:27

Thankyou, for all being so lovelysmile

I really don't mind our portage lady asking if I would meet her, and am happy to have her over. I was just surprised at my reaction to her saying that this lady had got results for her ds. I don't think I had realised how well I had tucked all the anxiety away, so was taken aback when it all came back in it's stomach squirming glory!

Right, now about that getting to The Goose and Carrot, hope to see you all there for wine

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