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Pathetic comments thread

(73 Posts)
goldenretriever Sun 08-Sep-13 17:50:07

Have had 2 interesting comments from work colleagues about my son with ASD recently which I wanted to share. Firstly, 'That's like Down's Syndrome, isn't it?' Secondly, 'They are more loving when they're like that.' Not to take away from my OH's Mother who bought him a rain coat and helpfully told me she had bought him a dark blue one 'rather than a red one so he didn't stand out, with him being the way he is' FFS. Anyone for anymore?!

MovingForward0719 Sun 08-Sep-13 18:19:50

Yep my son was being noisy in my mums garden yesterday and she said she thinks the house over the road isn't selling cos people view it when he's round. She was joking. Ha ha fucking hilarious mother,

greener2 Mon 09-Sep-13 20:02:16

Stopped in a hotel sat due to a wedding and dd screamed and wouldn't go to sleep quite a meltdown and was embarrassed - mum "im glad I wasn't in the room next to you"

No sh*t mum I didn't think about that at all!!! That's why we don't stay away!

claw2 Tue 10-Sep-13 09:13:37

'once he sees all the other children doing it' in response to ds's difficulties, such as being able to eat. hmm so years worth of therapy with experts and everything I have done wasn't enough, all I have to do is put him in a room full of children eating and problem will be sorted!

'Don't worry he will grow out of it'

My personally favourite at the moment, rather than providing help for long term difficulties 'lets wait and see' hmm yep 'waiting and seeing' always works well!

silasramsbottom Tue 10-Sep-13 09:50:10

My Aunt says my DS is "just a bit quirky, there's nothing "really" wrong with him, he'll grow out of it". And my personal favourite "they have to have labels for everything these days".

JJXM Tue 10-Sep-13 09:56:24

'But he seems such a happy little boy'

Yes, because he is totally unaware of social situations and so he just laughs to himself as a stim.

RippingYarns Tue 10-Sep-13 09:59:19

So, we've tested DD for dyslexia and she's fine.

In fact the results of her test contradict the sensory profile.

2old2beamum Tue 10-Sep-13 10:05:40

Doctor in A&E "Is she a little bit Downs?" hmm

sneezecakesmum Tue 10-Sep-13 10:31:09

My grandsons first day at MS school (CP) ..he had a cold, got v upset because all the kiddies went into another room leaving him with this strange woman (his lovely TA) cried LOUDLY and vomited all down himself. sad DD was waiting with some other mums to collect their LOs when one said 'Someones having a paddy!!' FFS He was distraught!

School got better after that btw and he loves it now smile

DD is of course anxious about collecting him with the other mums so I am going along for moral support and to spit in the face of anyone so crass grin

claw2 Tue 10-Sep-13 10:33:13

Oh yes Drs in A&E are great! when ds was being treated for asthma attack on a nebuliser 'does he go special school' hmm why will this influence how much nebuliser to give!

Developmental paed 'he is too bright to have autism'

My next door neighbour upon telling her that ds has autism 'but he is a lovely little boy, don't ever let anyone tell you he has autism' hmm why, will having autism affecting his loveliness!

'I bet he is good at maths' hmm no he isn't!

CAMHS to me 'what makes you think he has autism' hmm his diagnosis!

goldenretriever Tue 10-Sep-13 13:35:44

Sorry claw2 but had to laugh at yours! We were told that my Ds yesterday had 'bit an older child in playground, soiled himself three times' and when they asked them to undress for PE he took ALL of his clothes off. Awkward... Going for the laughing rather than crying thing!

oddgirl Tue 10-Sep-13 13:48:30

Best one for me was from DS LSA...comment in his reading record..."Mini-oddgirl has had a good day but seems to find it difficult to engage with his peers"...yes, that will be the autism love...

claw2 Tue 10-Sep-13 13:51:26

Goldenretriever, I think you have to laugh! Ds at a parents evening was told to 'take a seat' so he did and took it into the corridor! the icing on the cake...his teacher was just in the process of telling me how he hadn't notice ds taking things literally!

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 13:55:25

"She doesn't have autism because she has facial expressions" (from senior neurologist shock)

"Stop dropping your cereal fanjosDD, no matter what it says in the autism book" (DD has motor issues) FIL.

" I can help..I can laminate some pictures"..preschool support worker.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 13:55:47

(Responsible for DD's early intervention)

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 13:56:39

Also "it doesn't matter what she wears, she is a wee girl with problems" mum and Auntie.

hazeyjane Tue 10-Sep-13 14:00:24

'he's a controlling little article isn't he...' manageress of opportunity centre where ds used to go, re his extreme separation anxiety (ds had just passed out, from crying so much)

'we have to separate that boy from his mother...' comment made by learning disability nurse strategies to help ds be more independent.

elliejjtiny Tue 10-Sep-13 14:03:40

about DS1 when he is pushing DS2 in his wheelchair: "Poor child having to be his brother's carer"

about DS2: Well, he's not really disabled is he?

about DS4: Never mind, plastic surgeons can do wonders these days

About DLA: Various comments about free cars, free money, free shoes etc

I get a lot of people who go on about how they don't want a baby "like DS2 or DS4" but then get jealous of the mobility car or the fact that they were so exhausted from the low muscle tone and feeding problems that they slept through the night from an early age.

elliejjtiny Tue 10-Sep-13 14:09:04

Don't get me started on all the stupid comments we got when DS4 was in NICU from people who thought it was all a big joke.

uggerthebugger Tue 10-Sep-13 16:29:34

"Repent, and Jesus will cure your son!" - born-again Christian on the 52 bus, after watching him use Makaton.

She came fairly close that day to meeting her Maker a little earlier than planned...

Handywoman Wed 11-Sep-13 11:03:15

From a friend, whilst discussing 8.5yo dd2's subtle social communication problems, and the fact that they habe been recognised but not diagnosed, and the fact that dd2 recently tried to cut my arm with a pair of large, sharp, kitchen scissors:

'Well she has a friend and goes on sleepovers so that's brilliant - anyway how's your job going?'

zzzzz Wed 11-Sep-13 11:31:18

There was a marvelous one from ds1s PE teacher in the school report, something like "ds1 doesn't appear to listen in class or follow instructions" grin severe language disorder plus possible ASD!!! grin

I have to admit I was that twat at school yesterday. New school, another new Mum was telling me her ds had DS and so had repeated reception. I was busy and muttered "yes my other son has something similar" confused. I have no idea why I said that or what the fuck it even means???? I can't remember what she looks like and am not in school for a few days this week as I have surgery booked. Ho hum.

Starxx Thu 12-Sep-13 13:59:42

Oh my favourite ...... If you didnt know you wouldnt think anything was wrong!!!!!!!!!!!


Grrr angry

RippingYarns Thu 12-Sep-13 14:02:57

DD is too cute to have issues hmm

elliejjtiny Thu 12-Sep-13 17:28:41

Today a random Chinese lady came up to DS2 and asked him why he was in a wheelchair. He just looked at her and said "why do you have a funny voice?" Really wished the ground would swallow me up and not for the first time today.

zzzzz Thu 12-Sep-13 20:56:31

ellie sounds fair enough if she could ask personal questions why couldn't he?

Bluebirdonmyshoulder Thu 12-Sep-13 22:02:47

ellie I think your DS sounds wonderful! What an absolutely perfect response!

<no offence to anyone with a non-British accent, just that particular one!>

I was recently told that at least bluechick might be in the Paralympics one day. Now I actually think it would be great if she was and loved the Paralympics but I was a bit hmm at that seemingly making up for her chromosome abnormality and associated health problems.

Spiraling Thu 12-Sep-13 22:13:22

'His to handsome to be autistic' from his step gran.
' we are all autistic', his gran, well pretty true in our family.
'He should try and read a wider variety of books' from his teacher. He only reads beast quest books, oh and with someone sat with him, but his reading, really reading shock.

Trigglesx Thu 12-Sep-13 22:22:40

Oh, yes, the "he's too clever" and "maybe he'll grow out of it" and "you wouldn't know anything was wrong with him just by looking at him."


imawigglyworm Thu 12-Sep-13 22:57:29

A ex (thankfully) friend said to me once 'i'd love to have a special needs child because you get treated different, get lots of attention and get everything given to you'
??really when? and mostly not good attention!!
and she also said about my ds 'I knew he was special needs the first time I saw him'
Im glad she did because it took almost a year to convince drs, paeds and consultants etc [hmmm] how I didn't slap her is beyond me?!

We've also had a few of the comments above too, my pet peeve is 'he will grow out of it/catch up' ummm NO he wont!

claw2 Thu 12-Sep-13 23:35:05

I think my all time fav has to be 'if I had him for a week, id soon have him eating/toilet trained/doing homework ....insert whatever else he cant do'

And you just know that plenty of others are thinking exactly the same thing, without actually saying it. All that kid needs is a bit of a discipline!

Trigglesx Thu 12-Sep-13 23:36:54

claw2 yes, I've heard that one. I think people sometimes think that the behaviours stemming from the disability can be fixed with discipline. Ridiculous, isn't it?

claw2 Thu 12-Sep-13 23:41:51

It is and im very tempted to hand him over for a week and see how they get on too!

Brilliant pathetic quote from old SENCO when discussing ds's inability to sleep and what methods I had tried at a multi meeting 'have you tried telling him to go to sleep' Doh, why didn't I think of that!grin

BlackeyedSusan Thu 12-Sep-13 23:54:03

ht before he started, give us a couple of months and we will sort him out...

claw2 Fri 13-Sep-13 00:00:06

Some schools are brilliant at curing Autism don't you know!

Old senco 'his difficulties are only on paper' referring to various EP, OT, SALT, CAMHS, Feeding clinic, dx reports. Damn these experts for lying to me!

Spinkle Fri 13-Sep-13 03:08:07

My mother: pre diagnosis "there's nothing wrong with him, it's you" and "he can't be autistic, he doesn't walk around the edges of rooms" (she was a Special Needs teacher!)

Playground mum: "he's done so well (he has, it's true) he's nearly normal now"
Jesus wept.

sammythemummy Fri 13-Sep-13 08:25:32

My cousin upon telling her that my 3 yois still not having proper conversations: "Honestly Sam, you need to talk to her more" sigh

Strongecoffeeismydrug Fri 13-Sep-13 09:34:13

Old women constantly tell me he can't have autism he's too beautiful and he smiles.
Community pead told me to pray as only god can save him hmm.
Old GP said he's not got much upstairs has he hmm.
And all the usual bollocks like bet your loaded with all the DLA ect.

elliejjtiny Fri 13-Sep-13 10:04:44

Strange how some people think we're so lucky to get "free" cars, DLA etc but when they are pregnant they say "as long as its healthy" rather than "as long as its disabled so I can get free stuff".

greener2 Fri 13-Sep-13 10:25:49

Dr year she can't be autistic she is too socialble and the old favourite she has been fine at my house from the grandparents

goldenretriever Fri 13-Sep-13 18:57:19

Wow, uggerthebugger, I don't know if I would have been able to control myself.

goldenretriever Fri 13-Sep-13 18:59:40

also, a HV a few months ago said 'well at least you have the other one, she is as bright as a button' The douchebag.

ilikemysleep Fri 13-Sep-13 22:15:59

My MIL said DS didn't have autism, the only reason he wouldn't talk to her (or anyone much) was because I mollycoddled him. Then she added that she didn't like him much. He was 5.

Pixel Fri 13-Sep-13 23:16:34

"Mini-oddgirl has had a good day but seems to find it difficult to engage with his peers"...yes, that will be the autism love...

Ha ha, yes, Ds's escort solemnly informed dh that in her opinion the reason ds doesn't speak is that it's 'something to do with his autism'. Now why didn't we think of that?!

Mummyoftheyear Sat 14-Sep-13 06:05:40

Silasramsbottom, those same people are clearly saying the same to you as they are to me about my son! Lol

okthatsweird Sat 14-Sep-13 11:40:15

I was recently told by my Ds's new TA that "Asperger's isn't a life long disability" phew! thank god! I can stop worrying about his future now because when he wakes up one day he will be fine.

Dm :You just need to let Ds go out and learn for himself otherwise he will be one of those Dc who sit in their rooms doing nothing but play on their computer all day with no friends". Sooooo that's where I'm going wrong tut!

After 3 years of me telling various teachers that my Ds struggles with his organization skills and pointing out the same targets on his IEPS his new TA tells me "I have noticed that your Ds needs help with his organization skills....if you imagine when he walks through the doors in a morning he is just overloaded with things that he needs to remember?? once we tackle these difficulties I can see him being way ahead of his peers academically" no, it never crossed my mind angry

Thank god they have employed this TA, she is noticing all the difficulties the out side agencies have been giving strategies for since he started at the school.

Starxx Tue 17-Sep-13 13:10:46

I added my peeved saying earlier but reading through these now I realise I have heard pretty much all of these before ... Im going to make a list using these examples and put them on my facebook status to my friends and family so that they know what NOT to say to me lol x

Cheesy123 Tue 17-Sep-13 14:27:57

Don't worry deaf people can even use computers - no shit!

Ellenora5 Tue 17-Sep-13 15:28:06

"he will reach a certain level, so that's something to be happy about"

Really, I'm fffnnn chuffed with that, a certain level, who'd have thought it eh!!!

Anychance you could enlighten me a bit more on that, what level and in doing what.

"Oh you no, what most autistics do"

I walked out

MovingForward0719 Tue 17-Sep-13 15:28:39

Fellow mum from ms school my son used to attend, asking me how he is getting on in ss. I say oh great, blah blah, working out really well, only 8 in a class etc. Fellow mum: well if they sacked all of these silly TAs, then they could afford to have 8 in a class at ms. Idiot.

WetAugust Tue 17-Sep-13 19:00:13


"When he gets better..." exH soon after dx

"He must be very clever" normal stock response from people on hearing he has Aspergers

"He cannot have asparagus because people with asparagus learn" CAMHS consultant psychiatrist who couldn't even fucking pronounce the condition angry

"Would he like to do woodwork" caring carrot teacher while discussing career options. (He now has 2 science Masters)

"Is he dangerous" an FE lecturer who wondered why he was accompanied to each lesson (by his outreach worker) grin

2boysnamedR Tue 17-Sep-13 19:23:41

Omg you have to laugh or you would cry at these.

My mum 'how is he now?' Erm still disabled for life

'Theres a lot of it going around' before even asking why ds is a sen child. I guess there's a bought of sen in the air this winter ( like swine flu no doubt)

Tigerinthegrass Tue 17-Sep-13 20:47:49

Doctors:" you'll know more about her condition than we will, because its so rare " . Helpful, very helpful

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 17-Sep-13 20:52:09

I got one today!

Was at bus stop with a neighbour (who I am pretty sure has autism in fact) and she introduced me to another neighbour of ours I hadn't met.

She then told the neighbour i hadn't met that DD had " a learning disability"..

The woman said her grandson was autistic. Then she said.." well I suppose you will do get SOME pleasure from them"
I was shock

zzzzz Tue 17-Sep-13 21:31:28

Laughing my head off at "is he dangerous". grin....yes he is you may have to rethink your ridiculous view of the world.

Fanj shock. I mean

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 17-Sep-13 21:36:07

I know.
Sad to see people think DD is some sort of second rate child

On the bus with my ds. At that time he had a bad speech delay (better now). He saw an ambulance and did a high pitched squeal (mimicking the siren). Heard the woman behind me say "woss wrong wiv him then", then the woman sitting next to her said "dunno, probably retarded". (I was speechless!)

Went to the doctors about his constant welly wearing. I was worried that he had problems with his feet. I told the dr about his selective mutism and speech problems. Next thing I know he's shouting at him as if he's deaf. "DO YOUR FEET HURT?". My son looked at him in amusement and didn't answer him!

My nan "I did think he was a bit autistic because he used to have rages, but now I think he's grown out of it"

okthatsweird Wed 18-Sep-13 10:17:27

Mil when discussing Ds's lack of support at school, after listening to the EP tell us how 'bright' Ds is and he will do well with additional support, and attending numerous meetings with me;

Mil "I know how it is....having one at one end and another at the other (meaning SIL did well at school, DP didn't do well with what sounds like the same difficulties as Ds) when you have one that is brainy and another who is a bit slow that's the way it is, you just have to accept he isn't meant to do well"

Cue head tilt and soft smile while wanting to give her a swift slap for being so 'slow' wink

My Nan after I tried to explain the huge meltdown Ds had over taking something literal "Oh so he is slow then??, they have schools that THEY (while nodding in Ds's direction) can go to you know"...yeah thanks for that nan.

Needless to say at this point I realise just how much harder it was going to be for my boy with complete numptys like this around him.

Very first visit to the doctor with Ds to try and get him referred to CAMHS. After going through my list of concerns GP takes a look at Ds fidgeting in a chair opposite and says "well he doesn't look autistic to me" confused Oh bugger me! is there a way he should look????...needless to say because of this he didn't get referred.

Charlootle1 Wed 18-Sep-13 13:14:08

These are all so awful and familiar. I love the 'they've got to have a label for everything these days,' that's a very popular comment.

When asking how DS is doing and me responding a little about OT etc, another mum said, 'but my children are a nightmare in restaurants.' I must have missed that question on one of the thousands of diagnosis sheets I've filled in - a nightmare in restaurants? Check!

A childless friend of my stepmother offered to have DS for a week to 'sort him out' and also theorized that he's a 'typical only child,' which was interesting because the only child I've met like him has two siblings.

FriskyHenderson Wed 18-Sep-13 13:27:41

Head teacher: there can't be anything wrong with him because he's academically able.

I hope she later had a 'doh' moment. But I doubt it.

WetAugust Wed 18-Sep-13 16:39:39

Oh - almost forget.

I left DS's DLA form with the school secondary so that it could be signed by his tutor.

Bearing in mind this was a residential specialist SEN placement:

School secretary: "He doesn't need DLA".

goldenretriever Wed 18-Sep-13 19:09:52

These have made me chuckle after dealing with two children with a sickness and diarrhoea bug all day!

sammythemummy Wed 18-Sep-13 19:18:41

^ Heard the woman behind me say "woss wrong wiv him then", then the woman sitting next to her said "dunno, probably retarded"^

shock what a horrible horrible witch

troutsprout Wed 18-Sep-13 19:47:00

"Really!??!! Blimey-I would never have guessed it!! He looks so normal.... And he's so handsome"

goldenretriever Thu 19-Sep-13 16:22:30

The words retard and retarded make my foot itch. Had a daft one from my Mother the other day. My son does a 'look' which I have been told is a classic Autism trait. He did it the other day and she said 'I wonder what he's looking at?' My Dad responsed with 'He's not looking at anything'.

Belsbels Thu 19-Sep-13 18:26:06

More MIL classics here. I was waiting to board a train with DS1 (6, ASD) and DS2, and it was announced that seat reservations would not be available. MIL helpful contribution was 'just sit DS1 near someone, they will soon move'.

MIL has also suggested there are schools DS1 could go to, for ‘challenging and difficult’ children. Mmmm, no thanks.

I am sure she loves him really, it’s just hard to see it sometimes.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 09-Oct-13 10:13:33

I have a humdinger of one today!

Just out of eye hospital after attempt to test DD's eyes.

Opthalmic registrar turned lights off and said "now DD, read the first line of the chart"

DD has got fairly severe autism, is non verbal, cannot read or follow directions.

She has been there many times.

She then said "oh it says in notes they tested last time with eye chart"

shock was my face.

Last orthoptist thought she was blind as she wasn't looking at the pictures when asked.

ouryve Wed 09-Oct-13 10:49:57

Good grief, Fanjo, is it some special training they have? DS1 had his eye appointment, yesterday. Poor DH got a massive lecture and was told that he had to "make" DS2 wear his glasses because he was naughty.angry DH said he's going to take some of the autism awareness cards we've, up to now, never needed to use, next time. He's having his eyes tested at the hospital, rather than a cosy high street optitian like the rest of us because of his disabilities, ffs!

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 09-Oct-13 10:52:05

Isn't it so bad its almost unbelievable!

Our dentist is NHS provided SN one and is amazing too.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 09-Oct-13 10:53:08

I had to check with DH afterwards that I hadnt sounded too scathing and sarcastic about it to the woman

ouryve Wed 09-Oct-13 12:15:07

I don't think you can be too scathing, Fanjo. These people are in roles where they will work with a disproportionate number of children with SN. Even without SN, they're children. There is no room for an impersonal sausage factory approach.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 09-Oct-13 14:58:47

This is true. I hope they learned a lesson today

Sahkoora Thu 10-Oct-13 09:56:07

One of our friends said that something must have "happened" to DS to make him so angry and violent, as that's nothing to do with autism or ADHD.

My nan begged us not to send DS to a school "with all the funnies".

My most recent favourite, the headteacher telling us he was sending DS to the PRU, and that he could come back to school "when his behaviour improved".

I could cry.

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