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A quick what would you do??

(57 Posts)
claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 13:29:50

Ds has a food phobia, very limited diet etc (and hates writing)

I just got him to write a 'shopping list' and got him to agree to come shopping and for him to do his own shop ie only the things on the list, but he pushes the trolley, put the things in etc (he hates shopping usually and its a big performance to get him to come and he wont touch the food i put in)

Now he is refusing to go, as he has to get dressed (something else he hates) but will go happily if i dont make him getted dressed and let him go in his pj's and flip flops.

Im obviously asking him to a lot of things he doesnt like all in one go. Would you let him go in pj's or make him getted dressed?

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 13:30:52

Sorry i keep typing 'getted' today, instead of 'get'

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Wed 24-Apr-13 13:32:25

I'd let him go in his jim jams. Some things are not worth fighting so choose your battles carefully. wink Sounds like you have enough progress for one day.

GoblinGranny Wed 24-Apr-13 13:33:19

I'd make him get dressed, but in something easy like track suit bottoms and a t shirt. I'd compromise on the flipflops.
How old is he?

GoblinGranny Wed 24-Apr-13 13:34:29

smile You have to decide, you'll get a different opinion with every poster!

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 13:41:44

Track suit bottoms and t-shirts are all he wears anyhow. He is 9.

Obviously i can make him get dressed, it will involve lots of going stiff and prising arms and legs, trying to run away and hiding etc.

But it will set the tone for the whole shopping trip, he will refuse to get in the car, he will refuse to get out of the car, he will refuse to carry the list or get the items or push the trolley etc, etc.

What could be a happy, nice experience, will turn into a horrid one, for us both.

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Wed 24-Apr-13 13:43:35

I really wouldn't. Have you thought of shopping online?? smile Have the OT's come up with anything helpful?

PolterGoose Wed 24-Apr-13 13:47:34

I'd probably take him in pyjamas.

For the future buy pyjamas that can pass as day clothes.

Dinkysmummy Wed 24-Apr-13 13:56:09

If it were Dinky I'd let her go in her pjs

Progress is progress, but I would point out that others may look at him funny as pjs are not your normal supermarket clothes.

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 13:58:37

Lady, the whole point of this was to get him near food, handling food, choosing food that he will eat. To help with his food phobia and restricted diet.

with the bonus of getting him to write too, something else he hates doing.

Another bonus would have been getting dressed too.

I wont actually be doing any shopping, only ds getting the items he has written on his list.

I cant usually take ds shopping with me when i do a food shop, he stays at home with his brother.

Ds has been under dieticians, feeding clinics, OT's, CAMHS feeding group previously for years, with very little progress.

lougle Wed 24-Apr-13 14:00:26

I would thank him and congratulate him for making a list. I would tell him that we won't go shopping today because he won't get dressed, but that it's a shame because you had planned to buy <<insert really appealing something>> while you were there.

Progress is progress, but if you let him go to the shop in his PJs then you have another battle ahead. So, count the progress as writing about something he hates (food).

GoblinGranny Wed 24-Apr-13 14:01:25

In that case, the food is the priority, so I've changed my mind and I'd let him go in his pjs. Select food, eat food.
Outdoor clothes can be another day.

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Wed 24-Apr-13 14:02:47

sad Oh, I see. Small steps, claw. I wouldn't get him to get changed as well, it may be a step too far IYKWIM. Best of luck. smile brew

armani Wed 24-Apr-13 14:06:40

I would let him go in his pjs. Sod what other people think! Good luck!

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 14:11:00

Lougle, not going shopping would suit ds just fine, he would much rather stay home. There isnt anything material that i could possible buy for him, to motivate him.

I have used his wanting to 'control' everything to motivate him to want to go. He decides what goes on the list, he pushes the trolley, he holds the list, he puts the food in etc, etc.

Obviously ive come unstuck, as he also wants to control the getting dressed too smile

PolterGoose Wed 24-Apr-13 14:13:55

I do think that getting him out the house and doing all the things involved in going shopping trumps wearing pyjamas. It really does.

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 14:18:58

Right, we seemed to have reached a compromise, he will wear a jumper over the top of his pj top and socks and trainers instead of flip flops.

I think that compromise is good enough for now. We are off to the shops smile

PolterGoose Wed 24-Apr-13 14:23:17

Wow grin

Well done you and ds, happy shopping wishes for you both thanks

mrslaughan Wed 24-Apr-13 17:17:22

I wouldn't - choose your battles to win the war.
The object of the exercise seems to get him engaged in the purchasing of his food/ shopping/ writing, save the getting out of pj's for next time

PolterGoose Wed 24-Apr-13 18:02:00

How did it go?

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 18:40:17

It went well, no fuss whatsoever smile

Spinning in circles, spinning on the floor and running in the supermarket was greatly reduced due to him pushing the trolley and obviously not feeling as anxious as he would having to deal with 'my food' too in the trolley. We had the odd spin, here and there, when we stopped, but nothing like if i try to take him shopping with me on a normal shop.

His current diet is

breakfast: honey hoops (no milk)
lunch: toast
dinner: 3 yorkshire puddings

Snacks of crisps and apple

On his shopping list he put

green apples
lettuce (new)
carrots (has eaten in the past, but not for a very long time)
yorkshire puddings
sausage rolls (has eaten in the past etc)
peanuts (has eaten in the past etc)
cabbage (new)

He had eaten his lunch of toast before we went shopping. When we got back he had two slices of french bread and butter and a bowl of raw cabbage (and ate it!!)

2 mini sausages rolls are now cooking in the oven to go with his yorkshire puds for dinner!!

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 18:45:40

Oh and he picked up his own food, put in his trolley and crossed off his list.

He needed a bit of help with staying organised, he was flapping about holding the list, the pen, the trolley and having to pick up food, getting a bit confused as to how to do it and needed a bit of prompting. But other than that, he was fine smile

PolterGoose Wed 24-Apr-13 19:04:56

Bloody hell claw what a result grin

Well done ds

<hangs out bunting>

mrslaughan Wed 24-Apr-13 19:15:03

amazing - well done you! and DS!

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 19:28:59

and he has just eaten one of the sausage rolls and the yorkshires!

A new food AND something he hasnt eaten in years!

PolterGoose Wed 24-Apr-13 19:31:06

Pyjamas really don't matter at all grin

starfishmummy Wed 24-Apr-13 19:34:20

Well done!!

GoblinGranny Wed 24-Apr-13 19:38:09

Well done both of you. Let's hope he doesn't develop a taste for black truffles and beluga. smile

ouryve Wed 24-Apr-13 19:48:59


As an aside, I've taken DS1 to school in his pyjamas in the past!

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 20:24:27

Goblin, luckily for me, i havent seen either in Asda, im safe grin

Ouryve, yes i have taken ds to appointments before in his pj's, literally had to pick him up put in the car and carry him!

Thanks guys, very proud of him, light at the end of the tunnel feels great

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Wed 24-Apr-13 20:28:26

What amazing progress!!

MareeyaDolores Wed 24-Apr-13 21:36:19

Nothing wrong with pj days grin

Dinkysmummy Wed 24-Apr-13 21:41:48

Wow, that is a massive a achievement!

grin he did very well and I bet you are ecstatic!

(I actually have a tear in my eye as I can feel from what you write how much of an achievement it is for your son)


I really really hope this continues and his diet improves!

And well done you


claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 22:55:44

Everyday would be a pj day if ds had his way! But again getting dressed and leaving the house, is something else he has been making progress with. 6 months ago, that was impossible.

So leaving the house happily, even half dressed to buy food and eating it, is a huge achievement and massive progress smile

He is very tearful tonight, not sure if that is the result of a stressful day or something else. BUT he did it today, no fuss!

GoblinGranny Wed 24-Apr-13 23:05:58

We worked up to wearing pjs in the house.
Before that it was boxer shorts.
Before that....shock

Wow Claw he did amazingly (and you).

He'll probably need a day off pressure tomorrow though he can eat his new food if he wants for sure.

DS and DD don't HAVE pjs. They have whatever is comfortable to wear in bed from their drawers, usually a t-shirt and shorts/longs that they haven't worn in the day so I think we escaped that difficulty. No idea how that all happened tbh. Perhaps it was orchestrated by ds in the past.

And tbh, I can't tell what are children's pjs and what aren't in the shops anyway blush confused. I think probably looking back at the holiday photos that the matching summer t-shirt and shorts outfits were probably pjs.

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 23:29:52

Goblin, ds used to be a naked boy, but at the time it was quite appropriate to run around the house naked from the wasit down, as he was potty training, it did go on longer than expected, but then so did potty training!

Star, ive asked ds about why he doesnt like to wear clothes now he more verbal and able to express himself. It seems to be a temperture thing. He says he tracksuit bottoms are thicker and make him hot. He tends to get hot very quickly and red in the face.

Although he doesnt like shorts or short sleeved pj's, he wants his arms and legs covered, as this makes him feel 'safe'

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 23:32:02

Excuse the typos, my glasses are broken and everything is a bit blurry!

GoblinGranny Thu 25-Apr-13 07:17:49

Mine has a broken thermostat too, he's the one striding to college in the snow with a T shirt on. Fortunately we've got a selection of clothes that he is very comfortable wearing, others he finds itchy or he can't bear the fabric.
When he was at school, they accommodated his needs, he didn't have to wear the jumper and they accepted the school fleece instead when necessary.

claw2 Thu 25-Apr-13 12:30:33

Goblin, ds is a 'cold' boy too, bath has to be luke warm, food cannot be hot etc, its complicated by the fact that he wont wear short sleeves or shorts as he doesnt feel 'safe' uncovered.

He says when he wears tracksuit bottoms, they make him hot, when he gets hot, he feels sick, then feeling sick gives him a headache.

So ds was the boy in school refusing to take his school jumper off on a baking hot day, despite the fact that when he gets hot, he feels sick etc.

I need flimsy long stuff, tops dont seem to be a problem, you can get thin long sleeved tops (that are very similar to pj tops) its just the bottoms, i need to find and the only thing i have found so far is pj bottoms

GoblinGranny Thu 25-Apr-13 12:55:32

Mine liked these when he moved out of track suit bottoms

He can cope with light chinos too, but has yet to wear jeans.

claw2 Thu 25-Apr-13 13:23:27

Thanks Goblin, come to think of it, ds never seemed to have a problem with school type trousers. So chinos might be ideal, with an elasticated waisted, would be perfect.

PolterGoose Thu 25-Apr-13 13:44:25

These trousers from Sensory Smart are lovely, a bit dear compared to cheap track suit bottoms, but they are thinner and extremely soft with flat non annoying seams and no fiddly bits. Ds loved his and they wash and tumble dry well.

GoblinGranny Thu 25-Apr-13 13:56:24

They look lovely, but their XL would be way too small for my DS. smile
Other thing is having clothing made for him, I'm fortunate to have a friend who is an excellent tailor.

claw2 Thu 25-Apr-13 13:59:20

Oooooh Polter they would be perfect and they have long sleeve tops too. I have bookmarked and will certainly will be giving these a try. Bit skint at the mo, have just been ordering dictaphones, pencils, grips and such like to help ds with handwriting! But next lot of money will be spent on these smile thank you.

PolterGoose Thu 25-Apr-13 14:10:57

Glad you like them claw smile

Ds has the top with a tie print (had to dress as a teacher for a school thing and won't wear a shirt), the fabric is absolutely and beautifully soft.

claw2 Thu 25-Apr-13 14:33:32

They look ideal Polter, i will get one pair to start with to see if ds will wear them. But i will need several pairs, if he does like them, as he changes several times a day, some days, due to accidents. Its going to cost me a fortune!

PolterGoose Thu 25-Apr-13 14:41:12

I know, it's yet another hidden cost of having a child with SNs sad

MareeyaDolores Thu 25-Apr-13 20:30:56

H&M girls section have quite plain black 'treggings' (look like trousers but feel like leggings) for £10. Would he notice??

They might not be quite thin enough, but worth a look. Travel clothing is usually soft and light too.

claw2 Fri 26-Apr-13 08:26:06

Mareey thank you, we have a H&M nearby its certain worth a look, i will also check out places such as Primark too and see if i can find some cheap alternatives

claw2 Fri 26-Apr-13 08:33:14

The 'joint up' approach of professionals working together seems to involve giving everyone permission to talk behind my back.

CAMHS have been onside so far, BUT school and LA are using social services in a 'see we told you it was mum' way, social services agree with us.

I am also at the disadvantage that ds's therapist, who he hasnt since November anyhow, has now left and been replaced. so all they have to do is convince new therapist, who has never even meet ds or me.

claw2 Fri 26-Apr-13 09:03:13

Ooops wrong thread blush

MareeyaDolores Fri 26-Apr-13 15:06:12

Maybe not the wrong thread claw grin

Sudden eureka moment (maybe) that could you use the clothes problem to get an occ therapy appointment? There's no way an OT would think you'd secretly gone into his head and artificially tweaked the sensory processing settings wink

claw2 Fri 26-Apr-13 16:33:02

Mareey, i have OT assessments and reports coming out of ears, ds has a 'dx' of sensory processing/modulation disorder or its listed as a 'difficult' with his ASD dx. Its now just a question of getting them to provide therapy and follow the OT recommendations.

MareeyaDolores Fri 26-Apr-13 21:10:08

Yep, thought you did. Just trying to find a way of getting your DS onto a local NHS OT caseload (albeit short-term) so there's a sensible bod who knows something about neurology involved in these multi-agency meetings.

MareeyaDolores Fri 26-Apr-13 21:12:45

Sometimes one voice of reason is all it takes
Makes it harder for a forceful idiot to impose groupthink error

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