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Who has moved to get help for their child?

(88 Posts)
bjkmummy Mon 18-Feb-13 14:12:09

Something we are seriously considering if we lose the tribunal. We have moved lots as DH was in the armed forces. Really hoped this was the last move but things have changed so much now.

Scottishdancer Mon 18-Feb-13 14:56:44

We haven't moved yet, but house is on the market, as we will have to move to get the school we want. Tribunal in March and they are already saying we live too far away from the school we have chosen. Ds has a lot of anxiety and sleep issues, so would never cope with boarding. Just need the house to sell!!!

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 14:59:32

we have moved once already and I am currently looking at houses to rent when we move again next month to an area where the LEA is sympathetic to ABA,so ds1 has the right environment when he starts reception. DS1 is 3.7.

We have resigned to the fact that we might never have a permanent base again. Just because an LEA/school are supportive now does not mean they will be in the future. so I plan to get out at the first sign of trouble rather than wait for things to deteriorate.

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Mon 18-Feb-13 15:20:17

Wait for the tribunal ruling before you decide to up sticks but I can see how the lack of a Plan B if you lose causes panic as losing seems unthinkable to me on the run-up to tribunal.

We moved into the rental sector and over the county border to rent in the catchment area of smallest middle school when the Statement was not completed in time for transition.

We are trying to keep school stability for DS2 whilst it is worth it and county stability pending tribunal but will do it again when necessary.

No family nearby to lose though.

Scottish - are you going for CA? Good luck for March - we are in May naming Frewen. It will involve DS boarding though and he does have anxiety issues. Do you think you could PM me as this may be an argument put against us so I was alarmed to hear your choice is considered too far away. Is this because you have named day? (Sorry for the highjack bjk).

We're travellers too now. Never thought we would be but nothing is going to feel permenant again.

It's actually quite freeing in some ways.

Where you off to now Dev? You been changing your mind?

tbh, you think it will be disruptive for the kids, but actually they have been here a year and are asking when we'll move into a new house/school/area.

And also, moving makes you always feel on holiday a bit, as you discover new parks, shops, restaurants, walks, clubs. It's quite good fun.

zzzzz Mon 18-Feb-13 15:29:59

We moved to get "peace" not help IYSWIM.

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Mon 18-Feb-13 15:44:40

I agree with star I actually prefer renting and both DS1 and DS2 have no attachment to the bricks and mortar (although I think we might be in the wattle and daub territory here). DC talk about the features they want the next house to have (tree house and bedroom near the stairs). We rent places we could never afford to buy and would never want to. You can rent according to your needs in the present and not what they will be in 5-10 years.

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 17:25:06

(You been changing your mind?)

star At the moment, it's a toss up between Islington and Westninster, mainly because we are thinking of using AP's therapy centre in North London.

There's a fab mainstream state school in Westminster, with a unit.

If I were ever to live there (in my dreams), ds would attend that school. It's amazing.

silverfrog Mon 18-Feb-13 18:09:02

We have, several times.

We are a bit more settled now, and just last year bought a house, but I wouldn't say we'll never move again - if we need to, to get better provision for dd1 (or dd2, or ds in the future - who knows what we'll be needing!) then we'll up sticks again.

dd1 is 8. She has lived in 7 different houses so far, and 4 of those were as a result of direct educational choices.

we too have always moved lots, and so it is not a particularly daunting thought. but part of me would like to settle for a bit now

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 18:10:07

Is there? can you share which one it is?

I was told that Westminster have joined forces with Hammersmith & Fulham and Chelsea and are pushing for Queen Elizabeth special school instead of ABA etc.

Milbank

I cried when I saw it.

Westminster is beyond even my capabilities for arranging things.

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 18:15:44

Silverfrog this will be the 5th house for ds1 when we move next month since he was born, so we are well on way to beat your record of 7 houses by the time ds1 is 8. and yes, I would like to settle down too, I thought we had when we bought our house 3 years ago. But we have peace of mind in the knowledge that ds1 and ds2 will have the best available to them in terms of services/provision and that's what matters right.

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 18:19:05

thanks star, will have a look.

Though, I was looking forward to you joining us down this part of the world.....

Silver We're buying a house, but still don't consider it a permenant address, just that a mortgage for 18 months would save us money on rent here (yes really), so I'm not especially attached to the house we are buying, it just feels like another temp thing.

And, - it's across the road......

Tell me. Did you hire a removal van, because I'm sure it would take more effort to load stuff in and out than just take it the few feet down the road.

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 18:22:08

star never say never. This is still not a permanent move. East Sheen primary school is what I have my eye on a year down the line.

float62 Mon 18-Feb-13 18:40:04

I moved, from Devon to West Sussex as I knew their was NO local provision for my ASC ds (then age 9), and by then our reputation had been destroyed locally anyway - me LP, HA tenant, ds excluded at 7 because of my bad parenting of course. Lucky that I was an HA tenant and did a 4-way swap across the country. I had explored the provision in WS and there was/is more here. However we had more turmoil and a big 'struggle' with the LEA on moving, months before they agreed a place at all (had to go to LGO to spur them on) finally having to accept (no fight left in me) an highly unsuitable ms placement that ended disastrously (in a pretty epic way!). After a bit of PRU, the LEA had to go for independent specialist provision and just over a year later ds is doing great, my funny, cheery little boy is back. We did another local move even closer to the school to a lovely, accepting neighbourhood and a better house too. So, it really can be a good thing to move.

silverfrog Mon 18-Feb-13 18:45:14

star grin - we really are leading parallel lives!

yes, we did hire a removal van to move 4 doors down... we too bought in part because it is cheaper than renting, and that's even with dh having a stupidly short mortgage n account of being old grin. bonkers bloody rents round here - it is eyewatering to think what we spent renting for 2 years...

we have a ton of mahoosive furniture, and a houseful of books and other assorted crap, so a removals firm was the only way to go, tbh. it took them 3 days to pack, move and do a rough unpack (kitchen, bedding). the van only moved once a day, on the second and third days, with the really heavy stuff in (ie king size mattresses) and boxes. otherwise, we had a human chain of our stuff walked down the road - 4 guys, all doing a mini 20m relay each, handing over boxes/bits of furniture/whatever. was quite surreal (and frankly, bonkers - this was when we had the hot weather back in May, so they were on the go constantly in blazing heat all day long)

dev - we now have ds to set records with grin. so far, dd1 has: lived in 3 houses by the time she was 3 (in 3 countries!), 5 houses by the time she was 5 (and dd2 had lived in 3 by the time she was 3 at that point, iyswim), and 7 houses by the time she was 7 (and 5 for dd2 by the time she was 5....). we won't make it 8/8 for dd1 (I sincerely hope!), but ds is on 1/1 right now - so we've got 18 months to move if we want to keep him on track grin.

I have never, in my life, lived anywhere for more than 3.5 years, and I think dh's longest stint is 4.5 years, so we're no stranger to moving!

I had my eye on that school too at one point (living near it would have been even more of a stretch for us though). But you know what is now, isn't what will be.

There's a bit of a UK swipe of ABA in light of the fact that ABA is currently a real threat.

No school wants to be seen to welcome ABA as it will by default become an ABA school so it's all about timing and persuasion and a lot of luck.

inappropriatelyemployed Mon 18-Feb-13 19:18:53

We've been trying to buy a house for ages but have nearly moved areas three times.

We have moved schools three times and God knows what secondary holds for us.

Life seems without permanence, we live day to day and can't really plan too far ahead.

I wish I could just go and live wherever we want to live. I hate the town we live in as it just holds too many shitty memories. But it has taken me years to get a package up together around DS.

Every day, I think to myself, my boys are it: everything. They are fab and I may live in a rented house and I may have had to give up a job for this, I may live an inconsistent existence freelancing, but my boys are healthy and generally happy. DS is making progress.

It has made me value the important things and not chase the crap in life. There is some real worth in that I think. It keeps me going anyway.

bjkmummy Mon 18-Feb-13 19:21:56

thanks guys - i dont feel like such a crazy woman now wanting to move if needs be. this would be my elder sons 8th house and hes 11 - one was for only 6 weeks as we bought one just after he was born and then another 6 months as he was dx so we moved to get him into a specialist school plus tahn a couple due to dh job. we did stay in one house for 4 years and here has been 2 years - im only wanting to move about 4 miles into a village so a 10 min drive for dh to work plus its in a village dh has always wanted to live in - has a doctors, pub, shop and post office, regualr bus service, primary school etc plus we would have countryside views that hes always wanted. he still quite adamant we are not moving. this house needs some work so before we start paying out on this a move would be better - quite tempted to move regardless anyway!!!!! where we live its expensive and costs a lot on council tax so other place would be cheaper and probably lower council tax band plus my travel would be zero as boys will get transport plus i have the option of buses. just need to be sure living in a village is the way to go

JeffFaFa Mon 18-Feb-13 20:13:02

I want to move for ds1 i know im extremely unlikely to get any help for ds in the area we are in, there is also limited primary schools and one high school so if it dosnt work out then we have even more problems. Worrying thing for me is we currently have a secure tenancy and moving will put us into the private sector.

float62 Mon 18-Feb-13 20:20:03

Jeff - if it's a secure social housing tenancy use the 'homeswappers' site and be prepared for 'the haul' but it does work. I haven't always had this kind of tenancy, so I know how important a secure tenancy is and the insecurity of the private sector.

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 20:24:44

But you know what is now, isn't what will be. This is one of the reasons we haven't decided on Richmond yet. at present, the school I mentioned have a number of pupils with their ABA shadows, but I also know that Richmond are starting an ABA unit in Jan next year so there is no guarantee that mainstream with ABA shadows will be an option then. so We have decided to deal with the now, his ABA program and take care of the school etc later when the time comes. He has still got 1.5 year before he needs to legally start school so there is plenty of time yet.

Teddington?

I wouldn't call that an ABA unit. Or perhaps other develoments are happening!?

I know people like to 'say' they are delivering ABA when they aren't to compete with home programmes, but they are also keen to deny ABA at the same time to prevent parents from flooding in.

It's a mess I tell ya!!

float62 Mon 18-Feb-13 20:36:03

Inappemp - forgot to say, with you on that, the dc come first as nothing will be right if they aren't happy. There are no better people to impress but them.

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 21:34:48

IA yes, I share your sentiments, it is all about the kids.

star I can't say for sure if it is teddington or not. It is going to be overseen by an ex treehouse consultant.

but yes, it is a big mess.

www.theriseschool.com/

This?

Sounds interesting!

zzzzz Mon 18-Feb-13 21:55:25

As in Son rise?

googlyeyes Mon 18-Feb-13 21:55:50

Is it the proposed ASD unit at Stanley School? I heard rumours this was going to be ABA and to that end Richmond LEA visited Rainbow and Treehouse to observe

Tbh I can't figure it out, though was surprised to see that one of the board members emailed me once.

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 22:15:20

zzzzz it looks like ABA from the staff listed on the website.

Star It sounds very impressive. I know the OT too, he is one of the many reasons we are moving to London.

Ahhhhh <starlight brain ticking over>

Can't figure out if they actually have a site though.

Yes. Sort of ABA for HFA. Blimey is all I can really say about that!!!!

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 22:21:54

http://www.stanley.richmond.sch.uk/index.php/about-us/working-at-the-school.html

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 22:22:10
sickofsocalledexperts Mon 18-Feb-13 22:24:27

An ABA unit attached to mainstream - holy grail to me. Seems to be good old Ambitious about Autism involved, isn't Peartree their brand?

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 22:25:30

googlyeyes it looks like it is going to be Stanley school, the unit is called peartree centre

star it looks like they are recruiting!! That will be right up your street..grin

Oh that's a different school.

Wow though. ABA finally appears to be breaking through.....

Oh I'm only good at irritating teachers!!!!!!!

So will you actually have to live in Richmond to access it though?

sickofsocalledexperts Mon 18-Feb-13 22:30:20

Kingston and Richmond hare services now

sickofsocalledexperts Mon 18-Feb-13 22:30:29

Share!

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 22:31:26

I spoke to FS last week and she reckons it will be full before it starts as there are a lot of home programmes in Richmond and the LEA are pushing for MS integration and this will be their answer come AR time I guess.

sickofsocalledexperts Mon 18-Feb-13 22:33:14

Even if it is shit, even if it is flawed, it is a start!

Oh good lord!!

Coz dd's school place will come through shortly and we're currently buying a house on the border, could easily live in one as the other without much of a problem, though we'd have to pop back for secondaries possibly.

But as I said before, we're travellers now.

Isn't it all daft?

sickofsocalledexperts Mon 18-Feb-13 22:34:16

And by definition, it provides ABA for hf kids, as they will also be going into mainstream lessons

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 22:34:33

Geez, look at the grammar in my last sentence or the lack of it I should say. Time for bed I think.

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 22:36:21

Yes star very daft indeed. Just when you think you have cracked it, something like this comes along.

sickofsocalledexperts Mon 18-Feb-13 22:37:30

Maybe the poor dozy old LAs will realise that ABA units will enable them to get rid of the beasts they really really hate - home progs

I wouldn't stick Ds in there in the first year or two anyway (if he'd get a place) I'd want more info and to give his current placement a run.

But I was thinking more in terms of potential research for my course (if accepted).

And as Sickof said, it's a start and a relief to see this (despite it probably being about getting rid of home-programmes). Home programmes are horrid though tbh, but where there is no alternative parents are stuck. So I'm so excited about it and what it means I probably won't sleep tonight.

googlyeyes Mon 18-Feb-13 22:40:20

Thanks Dev, that's really interesting. Especially as just round the corner from us!

I wonder what level of ability it will be aimed at? It's just a couple if minutes away from The George Tancred Unit which (although not ABA) caters for HF children

X post.

Interestingly, I'm visiting my old haunt tomorrow. The children want to see where they first lived and the local children's centre with some 'good' staff is open, so we'll try and visit.

It will be strange to visit that backward cruel part if the country.

And tbh, if the school is full before it is started that demonstrates demand, and also enables parents to name it in their statements, which if they do will have to answered by providing more spaces or doing it again in another school.

sickofsocalledexperts Mon 18-Feb-13 22:45:12

Or, if it is so popular, they cold ABA-ify other units in outstanding mainstreams in the area

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 22:47:14

"Maybe the poor dozy old LAs will realise that ABA units will enable them to get rid of the beasts they really really hate - home progs"

sickof that's pretty much it. I was told that Richmind LEA are happy to fund ABA in schools etc, but they loathe paying for exclusive home programmes.

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 22:48:54

star I wouldn't put ds1 in it either in the first year or two which is why we are not going to be neighbours anytime soon..sad

sickofsocalledexperts Mon 18-Feb-13 22:48:59

Yes, bless them, cos to those who work in education depts, home education threatens their very existence!

googlyeyes Mon 18-Feb-13 22:50:13

Sorry didn't see your earlier post Sickof. Do you think there are many HF kids on home programmes though? Surely they either be in schools such as BH or in MS, with or without LSAs?

Actually from what I was told by another parent a while back I'm thinking it won't be for HF. I think the big gap in provision at the moment is for those bang in the middle, esp in Richmond. They have plenty of provision for those at the most severe end but as FS told me, they really have nowhere to place children like ds1. Hence the ABA school placement out of borough that we fortunately won without tribunal.

Definitely mighty confusing

I doubt it will be for HF, because even if that is what they intend, they can still get away with ignoring the more passive HF for years, whilst they fill up their 'special' places with children who woukd be expensive to place elsewhere, regardless of whether it was appropriate.

Still excited by this very good start though.

I think anything where parents get a chosen outsider consultant plus TA is labeled as home programme, even if in school, because 'home' gets more control than their 'professional egos' can cope with.

sickofsocalledexperts Mon 18-Feb-13 22:59:40

I really think it could be a new front for ABA - you could have a range of abilities as they could go into as many or as few mainstream classes as they could manage. Some: just PE, Art and the rest of their lessons in the unit; others, practically all academic lessons, and thn use the unit for downtime, when anxious. I can see how it would all work. V exciting

Yes. Of course. But you and me, googly and Dev ain't running it!!!!

grin

sickofsocalledexperts Mon 18-Feb-13 23:06:11

Can we call them the SOSCE foundation units? smile

googlyeyes Mon 18-Feb-13 23:07:26

Yes I reckon you're spot on Star. Is all a cost calculation at the DVD of the day. Sadly!

As far as I am aware Richmond have always granted home progs v easily to pre school age kids. Term time only. It's Kingston who are rabidly against them, and are now utilising Baker Small to try and obliterate any hint of them. Not on cost, simply principle

googlyeyes Mon 18-Feb-13 23:07:49

DVD??? End, obviously...

Kingston weren't. I don't know what happened.

Perhaps an influx of provision-chasers?

That's what you get when there's no national policy or standard.

googlyeyes Mon 18-Feb-13 23:16:28

ABA tourism as FS called it [griin]

Hit Kingston hard and I think at some point in the not too distant future Richmond will go the same way

Irony is Kingston is inordinately happy to send kids to independent special schools which are way more expensive than any home prog. That's the bit that messes with my mind

Am I the only person here who doesn't have FS on direct dial? confused

Perhaps I need to!?

googlyeyes Mon 18-Feb-13 23:24:03

Haven't spoken to her in ages and am v envious of those who seem to be able to get through to her v easily. I understood she was so swamped that she would only take the most urgent enquiries

Though, touch wood, we don't have need of her services just now. Without doubt the time shall come....

Another reason why I woukdn't put Ds in that school is because regardless of the qualification of the lead, sen teachers are often pushed into the role for being crap in the classroom which means that within the profession they are not given much respect often.

I woukd want to see whole-school understanding of the methodology before they stick my boy in a mainstream lesson without support just because they can, not because he'll learn. I woukd want the teacher to embrace the support, not ignore or poo poo it.

I woukd also worry that after a year or two of good intentions they just call it a unit with ABA just because it did have once even though all ABA people left.

These are very possible scenarios and I'd want to see it run in the right direction for a bit first.

float62 Mon 18-Feb-13 23:34:25

Oh terribly sorry, I seem to have interrupted a conversation about schools in SW London, I thought this was a thread asking other parents of SN children if they would consider moving for the sake of their dc's education. My mishtake...carry on ladies.

So report it to MNHQ!

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 23:44:18

float62 there is no need for that. I thought the OP got the answers she needed. I am grateful for these random discussions as they can provide so much useful information which you wouldn't have otherwise thought about. And note the use of word random.

googlyeyes Mon 18-Feb-13 23:58:36

And fyi at least one poster is male

Dev9aug Tue 19-Feb-13 00:02:19

grin

float62 Tue 19-Feb-13 00:03:01

Yes, I agree probably no need and I thought a bit if I should post, and then thought a bit more and thought there was a possibility that I should. Because I know when it's at the edge, when there's nobody, but you, these sorts of forums really help, because you know it's not just you after all. Just wanted to keep this conversation a bit more open that's all. And no, I wouldn't report such a trivial thing to HQ, we are ladies after all.

Dev9aug Tue 19-Feb-13 00:04:47

<ahem> not me...

Lol!!

float by all means keep responding to the OP's topic. But just don't expect others to feel obliged to.

Not sure I understand the stuff about being on the edge. Are you okay?

Dev9aug Tue 19-Feb-13 00:14:23

grin @ ABA tourism googkyeyes, that's probably the only holiday we are having this year..grin

zzzzz Tue 19-Feb-13 00:15:22

I'm a lady!

Ok that's a bit of a stretch, but I'm female!

I was enjoying your waffle. grin

Dev9aug Tue 19-Feb-13 00:16:13

Sorry googlyeyes.

Dev9aug Tue 19-Feb-13 00:21:42

waffles, Damn I knew I forgot to buy something at the supermarket earlier.

float62 Tue 19-Feb-13 01:07:01

Yes OP I would consider moving for my dc's sn (to the ends of the earth) and although it may have worked out for me, it really depends upon individual circumstances...y'all jus have to scuse me, there's a cowboy in ma kitchun asking fer tha maple syrup...goes gud with tha wafffffflez. Gawbless n g'nite.

bjkmummy Tue 19-Feb-13 09:17:53

I've been pondering for a few days now and I think that I will move anyway. My time here has come to an end. There's nothing really to keep us here and my daughter is struggling a bit at school. School was fab when we first joined, then became an academy, lots of new children joined, in 2 years gone from a 4 classes to 6. My daughter has dyslexia so struggles. Her class teacher admitted at last parents evening a few weeks ago that she forgets my daughter is in the class so does get overlooked.mi know my daughter is struggling but is keeping it under wraps. She sometimes leaves me little notes around house as a cry for help. The place I want to move to has a village school with 30 kids in it which would be much better for her. If I lose the tribunal I will also lose my younger sons 1:1 at play schemes at he won't be eligible but the play schemes won't take him without 1:1. If I move then that doesn't become an issue - I will lose my direct payments but the amount I will save in petrol will cover that so can pay it ourselves plus we will be living in the countryside with lovely field views. I know my daughter is unhappy but I know she is also carrying the burden of what's happened with her elder brothers. I promised her once we had sorted out the tribunal, she will become my main focus again and I think the move will be best for her.

SENresearch Thu 14-Mar-13 09:34:48

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