Here some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

ever decreasing circles...

(109 Posts)
imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 10:09:39

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lougle Tue 29-Jan-13 11:19:08

imogen <hugs>

I've read your last sentence. I have absorbed it. As you know, I'm in the school-moving phase with DD2 (which, incidentally I never foresaw even a week ago...in fact even 2 days ago). I'm trying to envisage a situation where I could be convinced to try her current school again if her new school turned out to be bad.

I just can't sad

I'm concerned about that letter. Who is it from, a solicitor? It sounds a bit like 'Mum says.....' rather than 'DS is.....'

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 11:31:10

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lougle Tue 29-Jan-13 11:39:45

"I admire your decisiveness re your school move and hope it proves fruitful for you." Well, we can all only make the best choice we have available at the time. I certainly haven't had to consider moving house to secure appropriate provision. I've had to make a choice to stay put or drive an extra 1 mile/add an extra 20 minutes to our walk. Hardly the same, is it?

I'm a bit concerned about the private school thing, tbh. The Equalities Act is a bit of a red herring here. Yes, you can probably force the school to take him. However, you can't force them to be a school that can meet his needs effectively. If they do meet his needs, it will be at your expense - they won't have any LA support and it isn't discriminatory to expect parents to meet the cost of provision above and beyond core provision.

Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 11:45:10

Well, guilt is a pointless emotion unless it spurs you on to change the situation that caused the guilt in the first place iyswim?
So, if you have to go, then go.
But don't waste your time feeling guilty.
As mothers of kids with sen/sn we have enough guilt on our shoulders sad
Wrt private schools.....they have a very bad reputation re: sen/sn as they do not have to even abide by the patchy provision provides by state LAs.
Your move to the current school was the right one.
Trust your instincts.
Always go with your gut instinct.
That's the best advice I can give you.
X

Handywoman Tue 29-Jan-13 11:45:56

I agree with Lougle and would not feel particularly committed to the idea of putting ds in a school that has says it can not meet its needs. In fact the alarm bells would be sound

Handywoman Tue 29-Jan-13 11:47:42

(Oops butter fingers!) alarm bells would be sounding. The wider situation for you I have no idea about. But private school I think I would personally rule out.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 11:48:46

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imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 11:53:58

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Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 11:55:59

You could send him to the private school for the small class sizes, curriculum, etc.
BUT, do not expect any help,with the dyslexia.
However...there is loads you can do at home if you are willing.
That was my epiphany.
Life has been much better since I stopped expecting the state to give a shit.
X

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 12:07:12

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lougle Tue 29-Jan-13 12:30:00

Just be sure, imogen, that the '4 hours 1:1' is part of your standard fee.

I say that, because, for example the Standbridge Earls School which is a Specific Learning School, have different rates according to how much support a child needs.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 12:40:09

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The problem with going private with a child with any "issues" (sorry, but you know what I'm trying to say) is that they can be asked to leave at any time, and then you'd be back to square one.

Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 12:48:03

Yes, agent is right.
You have no automatic right of appeal as you would in the state system.
However, as I said, go with your gut.
You have been considering the private school for a while now?
If you aren't happy with the current one (and I can see why you arent) then maybe private should be considered?
But you have to be prepared for it not to work out - sorry.
By all means go down that route, but have a plan b.
Always have a plan b.

Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 12:48:26

Is your dd happy at current school Imogen?

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 12:53:09

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imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 12:55:59

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Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 12:57:27

Imogen...take the lawyer out if it for a moment.
What does your gut tell you to do?
You have done the best for your kids up to now, and you will continue to do so.
It's just who helps you with that - that's what you need to decide.
Who do you want to work with?
Who do you think will listen to you?
And have a plan b!

bochead Tue 29-Jan-13 13:05:23

I honestly think the private school is a massive red herring that will stir up a hornets nest that doesn't need stirring and in doing so prevent you making genuine progress. They already showed very clearly that they'll bow under the slightest pressure to throw you under a bus once - why on earth would you fight for the right to give them the opportunity to do it a second time? To imagine for a second they won't is to lose yourself in fantasy.

You are making progress, lots of it, you are just so close to the situation you can't see it. The hubby is actively working towards a/helping you move (the ONLY long term solution) & b/ actively starting to look at the quality of his own parenting - he's admitted he's part of the problem - that's a mahoosive step forward.

Last summer was awful everything was so tangled and messy on all fronts and you had zero support from anywhere. You've teased out quite a few of the tangles now, and should give yourself full credit for doing that and coming as far as you have! There isn't an instant cure for all your troubles, but you are making a LOT of progress.

Guilt is what we do - we are Mums! Nuff said on that topic, except to say don't you dare let it paralyse you or stop you moving forward.

The school he's at now isn't doing what they should, but they aren't deliberately persecuting him either. Your position is finally neutral & you have a meeting coming up where you can calmly ask for progress against all that you were promised when he joined this school (don't get dragged into last schools shenaigans). Make the upcoming Feb meeting count.

He is being bullied - again you have the opportunity to use this to ask the school to put in place an appropriate social skills programme for the whole class around this. It should be part of citizenship/pshe curriculum anyways. You are allowed to ask what sanctions are in place to stop the bullying and what support your child is being given to help him cope.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 13:06:09

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Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 13:07:38

Agree with bochead.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 13:17:18

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Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 13:27:36

Imogen..we all feel that way to some degree.
I wish I had never left my son in that awful preschool when he was 3.
He was just a baby sad
And I failed him.
But my huge feelings of guilt and regret mean I will never let anything like that happen again.
Part of the issue of my feelings of exasperation with you smile has been that in many ways I recognise myself. I would do anything to prevent a mother or child going through what I went through. And sometimes that can make me rather...erm...too strident smile
Your insistence that the school do something was mine too. Until I learnt that they either won't or can't.
Wrt the private school HT and dyslexia...some dyslexia interventions are better than others. Believe me, I have tried them all. If its read write inc they offer then run a mile!!
If your son will not do work at home, then how about you suggesting to e shcool that you buy the programme and the school give it 10-15 mins per day?
Is that unreasonable?
So...as I say, use your guilt and channel it for your sons benefit.
I still feel that - in the end - you will need to move. I have always said that. I also think that the private route (although I can fully understand your reasoning) is a huge red herring and will just complicate matters further.
X

Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 13:33:29

Imogen...I will list my failings for you - it may make you feel less alone?
I left my ds in a pre school that I disliked and he was unhappy at due to family pressure. I didn't trust my gut.
I left my ds in a school he was desperately unhappy at. I left him there til year 2. I trusted the teachers. I was a fool.
I home schooled for a year. I don't regret home schooling per se, but I wish I had got him back into school sooner.
I have wasted 100s hours and £££££ on programmes for dyslexia.
I seem to have flailed around to no purpose for years...
Ait, rrt and diet changes and supplements have made a HUGE difference to ds.
If only I had been brave and went with my gut and did them sooner.
I try not to focus on the stuff I did wrong.
I have to look to the future.
Ds's future.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 13:50:28

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JeffFaFa Tue 29-Jan-13 14:00:13

how can schools not recognise dyslexia? really? wasnt there a big dyslexia awareness thing in the borders last year? or am i thinking of something else

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 14:05:35

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JeffFaFa Tue 29-Jan-13 14:10:55

didnt mean that to sound questioning imogen genuinely didnt know apologies if it did, im the local btw (chronic name changer i am) i have concerns about ds' difficulty reading, word and letter reversals etc but presumed school would flag a problem but looks like that will be yet another thing they dont see.

I know there was friends of mine recieving help for dyslexia in city primary school more than 15 years ago.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 14:18:23

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imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 14:23:22

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JeffFaFa Tue 29-Jan-13 14:25:10

Its fine i know how frustrating it is, sorry 'the local' meant we have spoke a few times on pm we live in the same region im just forever name changing. We are still waiting referall been 4 months now not heard a thing. Possibly looking to move within the borders but cant see it helping our cause smile

JeffFaFa Tue 29-Jan-13 14:26:04

x post there lol

Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 15:09:41

Imogen..my sons school in Derbyshire LA refused to assess him. They don't assess until juniors as a matter of course.
Nothing to do with individual need. angry
So it doesn't shock me, sadly.
Current LA (leics) is marginally better, but only marginally!
The HT told me that the school was "dyslexia friendly"
I asked her what that actually meant and she just looked at me flummoxed!
Because she can't!
Because there is no such thing.
I think you have been very very unlucky wrt your LA.
So.
Move LA.
The sooner the better. Then your ds will Have longer to transition.
I know it's a scary thought. And a logistical nightmare! smile
But we did it. And it has worked very well for us.
Ds has settled in so much better than we could ever have imagined.

TheLightPassenger Tue 29-Jan-13 15:34:07

I agree with bochead. I don't think the private school is likely to be a long-term solution, and probably not even a short term solution. So I wouldn't risk sending the letter with "mum says" etc. I think I have made my other views clear enough re:moving, preferably to a city, so won't bash you over the head with them again wink

MareeyaDolores Tue 29-Jan-13 17:05:41

Nice to see you posting again grin
Might I suggest doing a slightly fancy form of pros and cons, called SWOT analysis on your three main options of
1. Chase private school
2. Bide your time for a year or two
3. Move areas ASAP
Although current school isn't ideal, dont underestimate the value of their contacts with professionals. Being downgraded from a child-harming Loony-Mum status to 'anxious nightmare mum' means a meeting of eye-rolling and sighs, that you can live with. Being an 'ordinary level' overanxious nightmare parent usually means someone will eventually see sense. But it can take years angry

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 17:54:15

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Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 17:56:57

It's all totally shit, Imogen
I'm sorry.
Time to plan your escape.
And it will be an escape, in the fullest sense of the word.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 18:08:45

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Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 18:29:10

No.
It's shit.
Utter utter shit.
You aren't over sensitive, you need to understand that.
Really understand it.
I was told that too...and that ds was lazy, and that he was a summer born and would magically catch up...
Etc et bloody cetera.
Nothing we all haven't been told.
I have a friend and today she was told by the HT of her Dds school that her dd doesn't have any problems (she is severely dyslexic) and then that her Dds problems are her fault.
The very problems that according to the HT don't actually exist!?
If it weren't so serious, it would be funny.
If in doubt, blame the mother!
I have also been told, variously, by 2 different schools that ds does not do enough work at home/reading etc and that he does too much.
You can't win Imogen.
They don't play fair.
What would you do in a game? If you knew you couldn't win? Chess for example?
You concede.
You start again.
Sorry to labour the metaphor, but time to pack the board away and start a new game.
X

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 19:08:04

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MareeyaDolores Tue 29-Jan-13 20:08:31

It is indeed sh*t, and you are also too sensitive. You aren't misunderstanding how impatient and dismissive people can be. But life will be easier when you're no longer letting them get to you, because you've really gone beyond caring. At that point they will probably just stop, as it will no longer work.

Rhino hide will come grin. Till that point, interact as little as possible with anyone

MareeyaDolores Tue 29-Jan-13 20:08:51

Oops. Anyone nasty blush

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 20:12:19

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Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 20:53:53

Well, you can't.
The only way to not need to interact is to get him into a decent school where he will get some provision and then you can ignore them.
My sons school know I am not there to make friends.
I couldn't give a flying fuck what they think about me.
I do care about the education given to my dc.
That's it.
But it's taken me a while to get here...

MareeyaDolores Tue 29-Jan-13 21:27:14

Is you interacting with the school (about their upsetting DS) likely to make those problems better? I suspect some contacts you have with school might end up being counter-productive.

They are way better than the old school. They accept that there's bullying (ok, they're saying it's not serious and haven't sorted it out yet, but they haven't tried to cover up). Theryre letting him have his Lego escape / downtime (which I think is fine, they're hardly going to starts full scale social and play skills programme when local team tells them you're hysterically imagining ASD, and not to encourage you). They called you after the awful drop-off to say he was ok (probably 90% well-meaning, with maybe a 10% we told you so wink).

I think, despite your fears and frustrations, you're probably very nearly out of child-harming LoonyMum and back into the over-anxious-nightmare-ordinary-mum bracket at this school. Remember, you have a pre-evil-school history here.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 21:32:40

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justaboutchilledout Tue 29-Jan-13 21:37:38

Imogen. I think the repeated changes of school are going to form part of your son's problems unless you are very careful from here on in. I don't for a moment think they have been unnecessary: but you are thinking of changing him AGAIN: and this is a child who has ASD, so difficulties with change, and high anxiety, which will be exacerbated by all this.

So I cannot see for the life of me why you are trying to force your child into a school that doesn't want him, that doesn't have to treat him well when he's there, that can ask him to leave at any time, etc.

It is, forgive me, a disaster in the making. Because you will have to move him AGAIN if/when it doesn't work.

The next time you move schools it needs to be the last move you make, I think. Otherwise you are messing him around by repeated transitions on top of all his other issues.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 21:39:20

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MareeyaDolores Tue 29-Jan-13 21:39:48

I'm not saying your DS is fine, or the school is ok, btw. Just that there is a level of 'normal' poor practice in many schools, which is not something to feel persecuted by, or paranoid about.

Rudeness or snappiness with parents and children, 'teacher knows best', lack of effective teaching and pastoral care... not uncommon. Last school's behaviour, and the way they recruited outsiders: another league altogether and you're very well shot of them.

I live in hope that your dc's current school might be well aware of old school's bullying, Machivellian, arrogant style already, such behaviour was unlikely to be the first attempt at picking on a vulnerable family (or staff member).

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 21:45:37

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imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 21:54:50

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MareeyaDolores Tue 29-Jan-13 22:17:08

Yep, but ed psych will probably wash hands of DS once it's clear you and school are getting on with it without spending money. CMHT worker gone already. GP mainly interested in sore throats wink.
Complaining to an insider-infiltrated body where the files are against you is futile and very risky.

Moving to a forever home with a good school and neurodevelopmental paediatrician is one option. Keep quiet and waiting till hes old enough for the presence or abscence if various issues to be obvious, or for the evidence to accumulate. Then going to the dr for 2nd opinion in Scotland that needs to precede complaints.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 22:26:05

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imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 22:29:34

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bochead Tue 29-Jan-13 22:33:36

There is nothing stopping you from requesting all and any files.

A word of warning though, my last crap GP "lost" the first four years of my son's medical notes and despite my best efforts I haven't been able to get hold of them.

It's interesting to see what the records hold.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 22:43:19

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justaboutchilledout Wed 30-Jan-13 00:42:19

I'm not saying that.

I'm saying that moving him three times (the equivalent of four schools) is quite enough. It's equally destabilising to move him back and forth between the same school as another, in fact it is probably more so.
So I'm saying, DON'T put yourself in a situation where you have to move him yet again. Make sure that the next move is the right one.
Which counts out the private one as far as I am concerned because unless they are Jesus Christ and his disciples it's going to be a blinking disaster, even if you do win your case.

Badvoc Wed 30-Jan-13 08:22:30

Yes.
Lots of research needed.
Lots of planning for the next move Imogen.
This school is buying you time, as we said last year, but that's all it's doing.
But that's ok.
That's all you need it for ATM.
X

imogengladhart Wed 30-Jan-13 09:52:32

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Badvoc Wed 30-Jan-13 10:04:55

Is home ed still a no go Imogen?
Sorry, not sure about the Scottish rules...
Wrt to the meeting, you won't know what they want until you go I guess.
Generally, schools get very defensive when parents point out that they are shit and not doing their job.
It's like trying to push water uphill tbh and that's why I stopped.
I am trying to view this dispassionately and at the same time give the advice that I would give a friend.
And - without hesitation - my view has not changed from last year.
Moving is stressful, there's no doubt about that.
But it's also sometimes necessary.
You and I both know people in the MNSN board who have moved - and I include myself in that - to make sure their kids get a decent education and sen provision.
I am not going to pretend its easy, it isn't, but life is so much better now.
I wish I had the words to explain just how much better it is, in every way. Ds has friends, is part if the community and is happy.
The school does its best, and I pick up the slack wrt sen provision.
You can do it Imogen.
You can.
2 years ago things seemed so bleak for us, so I can see how it seems impossible for you to view any change as positive.
But change - just because its scary - does not = bad.

imogengladhart Wed 30-Jan-13 10:16:48

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Badvoc Wed 30-Jan-13 10:23:08

Ah!
So there is a 3rd option!
That alters things...in a good way.
Can you make an appt to view this cottage and the HT and just have a chat...
Make it clear you regret not going to the school last year and that you really think its the right place for you son, how much you like them and the school...really lay it on with a trowel!
Play the poor mum Card if you have to..."I have tried so hard to help my son but I have realised that I can't and need to put my trust in someone"
Etc
It will stick in your throat, but tell them what they want to hear to get what YOU want for your ds.

imogengladhart Wed 30-Jan-13 10:26:32

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Badvoc Wed 30-Jan-13 10:30:03

Why do you need permission for him to go to country school?
Can't you just apply and move him?
Or do you need to being it up at the meeting?

imogengladhart Wed 30-Jan-13 11:20:34

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imogengladhart Wed 30-Jan-13 11:24:38

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Badvoc Wed 30-Jan-13 11:34:35

That's a chance you take with any school tbh...teachers and HTs leave.
If I were in your position I think I would just say you are moving house - for other reasons - and then apply for the country school as obv he will need to be schooled locally.
Make it about a house move for family reasons - your H could back you up on this? (which parents do all the time as you say...) and not about your ds.
One child in my sons class moved last year.
In 6 months he was back.
His parents did not like where they had moved to..it happens!

MareeyaDolores Wed 30-Jan-13 11:51:46

What do the meeting people need to hear?
And is there a way you can give some of it to them, so they feel reassured?

I presume they want you to admit being mega-anxious, to stop thinking that ds has anything serious like an ASD, to accept that his education is fine and you should leave it to the school, and to defer to their professional status.

Now clearly that's not a list of requirements you can sign up to, as you think the polar opposite. But giving a bit of ground might (not guaranteed) help them to concede a bit. An advocate, mediation or independent chair would soon knock everyone's heads together and bring you all to someplace in the middle. Or else fail abjectly, and then you'd know to simply give up and move to Australia or the moon

imogengladhart Wed 30-Jan-13 11:52:51

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imogengladhart Wed 30-Jan-13 11:58:36

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Badvoc Wed 30-Jan-13 12:09:38

Yes, they are the choices.
I think you need to discount the private school completely..they showed their true colours by withdrawing his place with 3 days to go...sad
Thing is...if his sen needs are being met - at whichever achool - that will do sooooo much for his anxiety! I know it has for my son.

TheLightPassenger Wed 30-Jan-13 15:47:31

english or scottish country schools sound much better than pursuing a discrimination case to get him into a private school you would need a whacking bursary for. 1.5 years in English school at least means if you aren't 100% happy then at least a change will be v straightforward, no questions asked etc.

AuntStressie Wed 30-Jan-13 18:23:05

Agree that private school would be no good. From your previous threads it seemed to me that they didn't really want to accommodate him and placing him there following a solicitor's letter would be risky in the extreme.
Fwiw I would probably opt for the English school as it would be a totally fresh start all round and easier to change if necessary. Some Scottish schools seem to take umbrage at the slightest thing

imogengladhart Wed 30-Jan-13 18:56:16

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imogengladhart Wed 30-Jan-13 19:00:15

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MareeyaDolores Thu 31-Jan-13 16:21:59

Imogen, the problem I see in complaining externally (and I dont mean you and DH complaining direct to HT, which is the usual method) is that it reinforces the stereotype of LoonyMum. Which current school aren't signing up to.

They might not be able to meet ds's needs, but deputy head has taken your concerns seriously enough to be doing:

1-1 touch typing,
she agreed her colleague was out of order,
the Lego thing is happening
and they are making some attempts to help the bullying.

At the old school they'd never in a million years have conceded that lot. And it's possible that new school might be quite helpful in getting the professionals (who old school had hoodwinked) to think again. Ideally you'd want them all to b****r off for a while so you and mediocre-school can get on with quietly delineating and documenting the problem areas. So that when (not if grin) you see DK again in a year or two, the picture is much clearer re diagnoses (or lack of).

If ds was reclassified from
"anxious-poor reader-shy-simple (all because he has LoonyMum)" to
"anxious-poor reader-shy-complex (dunno why, and he has AnxiousMum)"
this would make a huge difference.

MareeyaDolores Thu 31-Jan-13 16:43:48

Btw, I'm definitely a bit paranoid... useful attitude in moderation wink

imogengladhart Thu 31-Jan-13 16:51:02

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MareeyaDolores Thu 31-Jan-13 17:44:44

Agree current CT isn't trying and sounds pretty horrid. Agree current school isnt meeting ds's needs. Disagree that current school calling ed psych, paed etc again is malicious / dangerous. A follow-up meeting is very routine.

Last team-around-child meeting made various recommendations, and voiced some concerns about you. Mediocre-school is obliged to tell them if interventions were done / useful, not needed / unsuccessful etc, and also whether the previous concerns have worsened or improved. They could have done that behind your back, but they've insisted on the proper system: a review meeting.

MareeyaDolores Thu 31-Jan-13 17:46:00

Selective paranoia useful... generalised paranoia harmful wink

imogengladhart Fri 01-Feb-13 08:35:28

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imogengladhart Fri 01-Feb-13 09:32:11

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MareeyaDolores Fri 01-Feb-13 16:16:28

A phrase from a thread ages ago:"The echolalia never lies". Quite useful to have a dc who brings home random tape-recorded bits of teacher dialogue.

Have stolen it and made it my own grin as its such a fabulous quote.

imogengladhart Fri 01-Feb-13 16:32:17

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MareeyaDolores Fri 01-Feb-13 16:41:43

Still better than old school. Still probably best to see what they say at big meeting before launching (as opposed to researching / planning) your plan B. Not quite "time to go", more like "time to check travel jabs" wink.

CT comments likely bang out of order. Timetable in code is standard unhelpful professional 'we understand the jargon, can't see why you don't' stuff. Lego not gone yet, not ok if they plan abrupt stop, ok if gradual weaning / monitoring.

In my non-teacher opinion, 'upsetting yourself, upsetting mum and upsetting me' would be a totally pointless speech, but the sort I'd expect from the average caring-carrot-type SENCO. For a NT dc it would fall into the borderline area of "useless comments which might be well-meant". A bit like letting him 'choose' his spelling group. It's a very unsuitable way to communicate with a dc with ASD/ traits. Which they don't understand or believe in, so can't adjust for.

MareeyaDolores Fri 01-Feb-13 16:45:23

From an English POV, the more recorded "failure to make adequate progress" you can clock up now (ie in mainstream, on the Scottish equivalent of school action plus) the easier you'll find it when chasing LA for a statutory assessment.

imogengladhart Sat 02-Feb-13 20:55:20

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Badvoc Sat 02-Feb-13 21:02:00

No, you can't.
Your poor ds sad
Time to give up with Scotland I think.
It is making your child physically ill.
However difficult logistically a move would be, it's got to be better than this, surely!?
X

imogengladhart Sat 02-Feb-13 21:10:20

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Badvoc Sat 02-Feb-13 21:12:38

...for me, personally, the crunch came when a locum gp told me that ds1 was showing signs of clinical depression.
He was 6.
It was a very hard thing to hear, the more so because it was so bloody obvious! We home schooled for 11 months (not an option for you, I know) and got him into another school and moved.
Sounds easy when written down! But in reality it took 2 years from taking him out of school, to back into school, to moving house.
Thing is...when we took him out of school we had no idea where it would lead..we looked at 3 schools and I think chose the right one. We then decided to move to the town where the school is.
I suppose what I am trying to say is that as bad as things seem (and I can really empathise with you) you can change things...you can.
Don't let them make you feel like you aren't capable of doing it.
You are.
You have been right about your ds all along.
Trust your instincts.

lougle Sat 02-Feb-13 21:15:25

imogen, I know that everything is so much harder for you because of logistics, but this story might be an encouragement:

As you know, DD2 was very anxious about school. I don't know about you, but I have found that DD2's anxiety was so 'normal' that I'd sort of forgotten what the 'real' DD2 was like.

Last Saturday Nanna and Pape from France visited. I tried to supply DD2 with some things she could tell them about school. She refused point blank, cried and sucked her hand.

Then, everything kicked off with school on Monday, I withdrew her on Tuesday, managed to get her enrolled on Thursday and she attended the new school all day on Thursday and Friday.

Today, Nanna and Pape visited again (they're here for a Month). DD2 willingly told them about Florence Nightingale, the Crimean war, that she'd been learning about odds and evens, etc.

Pape in particular was astounded. He said to me 'she's totally different this week!' Once I explained that she'd been this way since Tuesday, when I told her that she was changing schools, he was even more amazed.

It really can change everything, you know. DD2 still has the issues she has, no mistake, however that anxiety has lifted and she has a lightness about her.

imogengladhart Sat 02-Feb-13 21:23:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Badvoc Sat 02-Feb-13 21:26:10

Oh Lougle.
Am so happy for you and your dd smile
Very similar experience with ds1.
I got so sick of people mil telling me ds1s anxiety and stress was "just like dh".
The change in him after even a week at the new school was incredible.
And now after initially not speaking to me for 2 weeks after we de registered him - according to mil - home schooling and the new school are the best thing we ever did!! shock

Badvoc Sat 02-Feb-13 21:27:05

Once his anxiety is lessened/gone his other issues will also be lessened.

lougle Sat 02-Feb-13 21:27:27

You know what? I was scared. I am scared! The thing is though, I couldn't keep her in a school where she wasn't believed and it was clear that there was no working relationship between us as her parents and the teachers. It didn't matter how 'nice' and 'well-meaning' the teacher was, if the HT wasn't going to accept that I had her best interests at heart, there was no way that her NEEDS were going to be met, no matter what evidence I could provide.

Kind of sounds like you're in the same situation.

MareeyaDolores Sat 02-Feb-13 21:35:50

Worth ringing your out-of-hours/weekend GP service *now* and getting them to consider medication for the herpes infected eczema; you'll know already it can get a lot worse very fast. The usual snotty-germ infections are the easiest to treat, but (slightly bizarrely) the anti-chickenpox meds work on cold-sores-gone-mad eczema flare-ups.

MareeyaDolores Sat 02-Feb-13 21:36:58

And lougle grin grin

Badvoc Sat 02-Feb-13 21:37:57

Good idea from Maryee Imogen....

imogengladhart Sat 02-Feb-13 21:46:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Badvoc Sat 02-Feb-13 21:52:07

That is all kinds of fucked up Imogen isn't it? sad
Wrt ooh gp they will only send him to a and e if he is seriously ill.
I think he needs some cold sore meds/acyclovir (herpes meds)
And it means you can keep him off school next week as you have new to ooh gp and he has been seen.

MareeyaDolores Sat 02-Feb-13 21:56:43

NHS direct always say go to A&E, so if you ring them, it's their fault wink

lougle Sat 02-Feb-13 22:03:11

I do get that, imogen, I really do. I felt similarly, despite it only being the HT heavily implying that I was fabricating. It hadn't gone any further at all. Add to that, the situation was only escalated in 3 weeks!

Bottom line, I've got to live with my decisions when I look back as an old lady. At least if it goes pear-shaped, it already was. If I didn't try, I'd never know if I could have changed life for her.

You have got to do something. This is not going to change, it really isn't. Your DS isn't going to suddenly say

"You know what...this school, with it's unchallenged bullying by children and teachers, it's lack of support and the fact that everyone blames me for having SEN....well it's ok really, because it's better than the other really terrible one..."

imogengladhart Sat 02-Feb-13 22:42:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imogengladhart Sun 03-Feb-13 09:51:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imogengladhart Mon 04-Feb-13 11:55:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Badvoc Mon 04-Feb-13 12:20:15

Oh poor ds.
Yes, do get him into gp.

imogengladhart Wed 06-Feb-13 10:16:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imogengladhart Thu 07-Feb-13 10:47:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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