Our SN area is not a substitute for expert advice. While many Mumsnetters have a specialist knowledge of special needs, if they post here they are posting as members, not experts. There are, however, lots of organisations that can help - some suggestions are listed here. If you've come across an organisation that you've found helpful, please tell us. Go to Special needs chat, Parents with disabilities, SN teens, SN legal, SN education, SN recommendations.

Help please, especially Star, AE, Agnes and anyone else who knows my story

(65 Posts)
claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 16:08:46

Ds returned to school in September, after being signed off sick in June for anxiety and self harm. (i am in the process of appealing refusal to SA)

Since September ds is becoming increasingly distressed by school, i have been told to come and collect him twice from school. The latest being this afternoon, i got a phone call from school saying ds thought he had a 'splinter in his bottom' and was very upset, could i go and have a look. In the toilet in school ds refused to show me and was getting very distressed, crying, hanging onto my legs and begging me to take him home. The school office could see ds was very upset and told me to take him home.

Other than this ds comes out of school crying most days, saying he just doesnt understand what he is supposed to doing, he is not understanding instructions and not getting much work done.

When we arrive at school, he complains on pains in his legs and cant breath, i have to take him to the school office for his inhaler. He has 6 days off 'sick' with breathing difficulties. He is self harming again too, digs and scratches on his legs and chest.

I cannot approach school, as last time i did they reported me to child protection.

I cannot approach my gp, as the LA wrote to him stating that a team of experts had assessed ds and that he show no signs of anxiety or self harm in school. I have told my GP this a lie, ds hasnt been assessed and does show signs of anxiety, but he is saying his hands are tied.

Sorry that is long, but my question is social worker came to visit us last week, she stated it is clearly no a child protection issue and asked that i send her copies of all the recommendations that experts have provided and she is going to write a report in 2 weeks.

Do i approach SW? the situation is getting increasingly distressing for ds, statement is a long way off, what do i do in the meantime?

PipinJo Thu 04-Oct-12 16:27:30

SW has made it clear not a CP issue so I suggest GP and also contact Paed for appointment. I read rest, Paed is best option and a specialist LA wont tell Paed what to do!

This is hard an damaging but you could leave ds in school and refuse to collect as they said they were dealing with it. Then when they cannot cope no more they will give in. But I would try Paed.

A final one, if ds says it is physical call 999 from school then ask on call psychiatrist to assess ds once in A&E re physical/psychological anxiety? School will soon be worried with ambulance being called it could have been a splinter!

You could log it with SW as you need a professional to log it.

mariamma Thu 04-Oct-12 16:37:16

If he's too unwell to stay in school, he's poorly enough to bring to the doctor. Or to walk-in centre, or A&E, or even ask medical room to phone NHS direct. Or stay with him in school till 3.30pm.

The risk of taking him home without a paper-trail is that it gets logged as unauthorised absence, or mild illness being overblown by parent. Attend at their request, calm him down (if you can) and only take home if they say he's too poorly and they can't cope.

Or, nuclear option, 'lose' your phone.

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 16:49:10

Pipinjo GP has already stated he is not qualified to assess anxiety and has referred back to CAMHS. I do have appointment next week to assess his breathing and to get his injuries logged, but that is all GP is willing to do.

Ds wouldnt cause a 'scene' in school, he would sit there quietly and scratch his skin off and no one would notice, if i didnt pick him up.

School/LA are telling everyone i am 'over anxious' and therefore the cause of ds's anxiety, calling 999 for a potential splinter in the bottom, would kind of prove their point!

Once home from school the 'splinter' (which is not there) has stopped hurting and ds tells me the same as he tells me every day, he doesnt understand in school.

I was thinking along the lines of this IS a child protection issue, ds is self harming because of school. If SW is prepared to investigate schools allegation against me and conclude it isnt a child protection issue, then why wouldnt it work both ways? Why cant she conclude that school is the problem?

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 16:57:46

I should have added if i refused to take ds, he would just do as he was told, but scratch his skin off quietly. Ds is extremely passive. The reason school called me was they that are not allowed to look at his bottom.

The first time they told me to take him back home, i had taken him to school office on arriving at school, ds was complaining of pains in his legs and his breathing was bad. I took him to the school office so he could use his inhaler, they told me to take him back home, as they thought he was too ill to attend

ouryve Thu 04-Oct-12 17:00:27

How are the LA insisting he's not showing signs of anxiety when the school are phoning you all the time because of it? And why are they calling you in if they think that it's you who is making him anxious? Either they can cope with him and calm him or they can't.

Record each incident and the school's response - keep a diary, preferably (if you're not already). And if you're ending up taking him home so often, send in an absence note each time

TirednessKills Thu 04-Oct-12 17:05:06

I think you've hit the nail on the head with your last paragraph, the Social Worker (if she's good, and lots are very very good, despite the image of SWs portrayed so often) could be your greatest advocate here. As she is currently preparing a report I'd phone her and either request another appointment or speak on the phone and tell her everything you've said here, fundamentally school are unable to safeguard your child, that is a huge issue and one she needs to investigate as part of her assessment.

I don't know what services are provided and I know a lot depends on area, but you might want to try the NSPCC for advice, they can be fab.

Honking for you

Claw, I realise how inhumane it is here to mention the paperwork thing but have you got a note from the office telling you to take him home and from the CT?

If not, then email school about it. I don't think you need to even be discrete about why. You can just say truthfully why you need a record of the events.

Does your Ds have any injuries to photograph and show GP?

Personally I would march Ds back to the GP and insist that he does not overlook this child in need, that you will raise it to child protection yourself if this abuse by the school continues, and will be expecting to count on his support. If he does nothing else he should record both your visit and how Ds presents.

You should then contact the social worker, and I would seek advice from contact a family.

This is all out of my experience however, so I'm just posting more as an outside observer than with knowledge and experience.

So, basically, contact school via written form. Tell them if you like that you are just telling them 'for the records' as you know from experience they will not help.

Then GP, then SW.

appropriatelyemployed Thu 04-Oct-12 18:26:34

Claw, have you tried an advocate? Fiona Slomovic is very practical and good with LAs and schools. She might be able to help you sort this and be a source of support so you are not alone.

I know this means paying but she is very understanding about paying by instalments etc.

I really think you need someone else involved to sort this for you.

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 18:33:27

No Star, no note, it was the school receptionist who also doubles as the school 'nurse' ie she in charge of first aid and administering inhalers etc, who told me to take ds home both times. I keep a record of 'incidents'.

I do not have an email for school, it will have to be done via letter, school will deny anything more than ds having/or claiming to have a splinter in his bottom and being upset about hurting himself.

I cannot photograph injuries anymore, as school are claiming that my last lot of photographs were 'insect bites' and this is why i showed my gp photographs rather than taking ds. So i have to take ds to the GP and show him directly, so they cannot make that claim.

I did march ds straight back to the GP, when my gp said he was fit for school after receiving the letter from LA, without even informing me or even seeing ds and he is adamant that he cannot go against the educational team of experts and his hands are tied. I told him LA were telling lies and he said he wont get involved in that, i will have to take that up with the LA.

All i can do is get my GP to record the injuries and i have made an appointment. If GP or anyone asks ds where the injuries came from he makes up excuses ie the cat scratched him, or he was bitten or he fell over or playing football etc.

At home ds is tearful, angry and punching and slapping himself in the face when he cannot do something, crying a lot and screaming at his brothers for the slightest thing. At the GP surgery, he will be quiet and polite.

I agree with AE, if it is possible. I know you're already feeling the burden of a solicitor though.

I wish you lived near me. On a serious note, can you?

coff33pot Thu 04-Oct-12 18:37:34

Oh Claw x

I would definately notify school via email the ins and outs of why he was taken home from school wether it be a phone call from them or the fact like the splinter day they saw him distressed and said to take him home.

You can even point out to them this is a record of absence for your own peace of mind as you want to make sure everything is logged.

I would call the SW as it is good to have them on side and shows that you are asking them for involvement then there are no surprises if the school should phone them again.

Make a note of every injury in a diary so that in future the school cant just use the excuse that it was "at playtime" etc rather than admit ds has harmed himself.

I have no experience law wise but an advocate could well be a good idea to at least support your decisions.

Claw, you need to take photos anyway, for being able to show continuous recording and to not lose data. One day, hopefully soon, you'll be dealing with sensible competent people and you'll need evidence to explain why you are asking for things a certain way.

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 18:38:30

Hi AE, i am already paying a fortune for a solicitor for statementing process. Along with indep reports i will need also, its costing me about 15 grand, i am having to beg, steal and borrow to pay this. I really cannot afford anything else at the moment.

appropriatelyemployed Thu 04-Oct-12 18:47:58

I completely understand. If you do have a solicitor, can they not deal with this issue by advising you? You need to make them earn their keep!

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 18:54:36

Coff33 and Star, ds was free from all injury within 2 weeks of being signed off of school and stayed that way for the 6 weeks holidays, not a mark on him.

Literally the minute he went back to school, his legs are smothered in 'insect bites' again and he has marks on his chest caused by scratching, they are there constantly, they never heal. So photographing them, i could have just taken lots of photographs on the same day. So i really do need to get it recorded by GP.

It seems to me he starts with harming the bottom of his legs and chest and bottoms of his arms, places he can get to easy in school. It then progresses to his groin, bottom, shoulders etc, places i assume he must be scratching at home and he does this when either his legs, arms etc have become too sore or when he just gets totally overwhelmed.

SW has told me to stop taking photographs. So i am concerned that if i use any photographs as evidence, it will lead straight back to child protection issues again.

wasuup3000 Thu 04-Oct-12 18:56:20

Can you change your GP to one who is less of a numpty?

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 19:00:03

AE I will inform solicitor, but they will not get involved in SS issues.

I suppose what i am asking you guys, is do i steer well clear of SS and not mention anything and just let her write her report stating its not a CP issue or do i actually ask her to help?

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 19:07:00

Wassup, that is something i have considered, my gp is the type who doesnt understand autism at all, he actually asked does ds still have autism and never mind he might grow out of it type. He is fine as long as your ailment involves ears, nose or throat.

But he has a point, anxiety is not his remit, he has referred ds back to CAMHS, i think that is all i can expect from any GP?

Has the Indi EP seen him in school yet?

Claw, take pics anyway and date them. Then take pics every day of them healing the day after EP visit when you remove him from school.

You don't have to disclose them until you feel it is in your Ds' best interest.

I rather think it IS a CP issue, but I wouldn't trust a SW to say that.

Can you ask your solicitor?

2tirednot2fight Thu 04-Oct-12 19:34:14

I think there are sws out there that would recognise institutional/environmental abuse as a CP issue.

Claw, Fiona was really helpful when I contacted her but there is always the organisation advocates for children to try who offer free advice. I think that often whats needed are solicitors that deal with education and SS issues. There are some around but if you have already instructed this isn't likely to help you now I guess. I hope things improve for you and your child soon Claw.

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 19:42:47

I have emailed my solicitor and im waiting on her reply.

EP is going into school in December.

Ds is crying every day and actually asking me to help him, he is saying that he doesnt understand the instructions, he doesnt know what he is supposed to be doing, he is doing no work at all or copying from others.

I told him to tell the teacher, he said he does, the teacher explains it again and he still doesnt understand, so the teacher tells him to ask other children on his table. The other children on his table dont even want to sit next to him and move their chairs away from him. One of his IEP targets is to ask other children and NOT a teacher!

I took him with me to parents evening a few days ago and told his teacher he is coming out of school crying every day, the teacher said he had noticed he was upset but didnt know why, so i called ds in and asked him to explain to his teacher why he had been upset. He told his teacher exactly what he had told me.

Teacher came out with a load of bullshit, about kids not moving away from ds because of ds, but because they are just very good friends with the other child, all children are encouraged to work together and share ideas, blah, blah, blah

2tirednot2fight Thu 04-Oct-12 19:50:32

Could the EP not go in sooner? It sounds like December is too far away to me and your child may be suffering in the meantime? This sounds awful. Claw I am so sorry you are having to cope with this.

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 19:54:20

No December is earliest unfortunately. Must go ds is having a screaming fit, thanks everyone.

coff33pot Thu 04-Oct-12 20:06:09

Vidoes..........going swimming with mum, park in his shorts etc. Videos are dated and timed. They can help you show self harm injuries at a later date if needed for proof also at the same time could be taken all year round? ie. half term when injuries healed?

To anyone else they are just family fun vids on the shelf x

'Ds is crying every day and actually asking me to help him, he is saying that he doesnt understand the instructions, he doesnt know what he is supposed to be doing, he is doing no work at all or copying from others.'

Can you get this on video?

Flick cameras are good, cheap and fairly discrete. Even if the picture isn't great you'll get him talking recorded.

Also, if EP is who I think, call him and explain that you need to remove Ds ASAP and if he has any cancellations at all you'll take it so you can remove Ds the next day. In the meantime, take an extended half term. 2-3 days before half term and 2-3 days after half term. Give the poor boy a rest.

Disgraceful that the teachers are allowing bullying in the classroom, and to have a target for a socially anxious small child to be ask his peers is inhumane.

mariamma Thu 04-Oct-12 21:10:00

This is a skin picking condition which can be confirmed officially by asking GP for a dermatology referral. Or local paediatrician, if they're one with an interest in skin stuff.

Veritate Thu 04-Oct-12 22:12:44

Claw4, you really need a solicitors' firm which deals with both education and care issues and which offers legal aid. Although you presumably don't qualify, it sounds like there are issues which could be dealt with in your son's hame, e.g. the fact that the school is sending him home when it can't cope, which amounts to unlawful exclusion. You could still keep the tribunal appeal with the original solicitor (though she does sound pretty expensive!) if you don't want to change horses at this stage. Alternatively you could try people like IPSEA and SOS SEN.

AgnesDiPesto Thu 04-Oct-12 22:45:50

Claw nothing much to add except next time the school call you could say you are too far away to collect and if your DS is too ill to be at school they should take him to the GP or A&E. Presumably doctors are allowed to look at bottoms. I find it hard to believe schools aren't
They seem to manage to change children who have accidents and diarrhoea quickly enough.
I would video as much as you can.
I would wait and see if sw is helpful in report. You know by now what they say and what they do once clobbered by managers is not always the same

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 22:58:42

Star, It is the EP who you are thinking of, i will give him a call. Ds is telling me every day literally the same thing, so should be easy enough to catch it totally unprompted on video, especially when he comes out of school in tears and tells me exactly why he is crying.

I cannot believe the IEP target, NOT to ask a teacher, but to ask a 'friend', if he cant understand once the teacher has explained it twice, what on earth makes them think a child can explain it better and how on earth is he supposed to ask a 'friend' who doesnt even want to sit next to him and moves their chair away from him.

The most frustrating thing is they have recommendations from 3 different SALT's including LA SALT and 2 different EP's telling them he will need language recast, photographs or visuals as to the steps required to complete a task

coff he wont go swimming and he never wear shorts, i will take pictures and do as suggested, keep them for now. I think a referal to a paed is a good idea too, whoever suggested that.

Maria thanks i have saved that link

Vert They are not saying they cant cope, they were saying ds had hurt himself and was upset by this today and the time before that he wasnt well enough because of him complaining about leg ache and breathing. Will see what my solicitors suggests, when they reply to my email. I could phone them tomorrow

appropriatelyemployed Thu 04-Oct-12 23:17:23

Claw - can you not change schools? I just feel that, even with a statement, this school is never going to work with you and support your son. I am sorry but they do not want to know and will seek to undermine provision at every turn. They will be evidence gatherers against you.

Sorry to be pessimistic but been there done that.

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 23:20:47

Hi Agnes, i know why they called as they have already reported me to SS for 'taking inappropriate photographs of my son' ie the self harm photos.

Although even this has become diluted over time, they made the allegation to me in writing, but told SW who visited 'they had concerns about my request to home school ds and i had refused to communicate with the school and refused a CAF' None of which is true.

Yes, good idea to wait for report. I think i am just so desperate to get ds some help and i really dont know where to turn, but i dont want to come across as desperate to a SW

AgnesDiPesto Thu 04-Oct-12 23:22:21

AE I think from memory Claw feels she has a better chance at tribunal with this crap school than moving to new school in case tribunal is swayed by promises a new school may dream up and tribunal feel it has to give new school a chance. I think she feels she will have a better chance against the devil she knows. I think she then plans to move.

appropriatelyemployed Thu 04-Oct-12 23:24:39

Ok, thanks. It's just much easier to fight for provision with the school onside then when your facing a lying school who are clearly prepared to do anything to undermine your case.

appropriatelyemployed Thu 04-Oct-12 23:25:25

I just speak from experience of being in both positions.

Also this school IS a new school who are reporting same as old school (though in early days before LA got at em, looked promising), that anxiety caused by mum.

Last tribunal lost on basis that new shiny school promised to back her then didn't and promised services subsequently undelivered.

It's a matter of sitting tight and let it all play out now. But the poor poor boy.

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 23:33:37

AE ds has only gone back to that school in order to have EP assessment done, on advice of solicitor. I knew full well that ds would fall flat on his face and start self harming again. I was in two minds, as my GP had signed ds off sick, but solicitor was saying an EP assessment in school was my best chance.

LA kind of forced my hand, by writing to my GP and informing him that a team of experts had assessed ds and that he doesnt show any signs of anxiety or self harm in school. So my GP stated if that was case then ds could return to school.

So i am having to bide my time, but it is worse than i thought it would be, the change in ds in only a few short weeks is dreadful. He is usually so passive, he is now punching himself in the face, getting angry at the slightest little thing, not sleeping, not eating, he cant breath when i take him to school, he is crying when i pick him up.

He was a totally different child when he wasnt at school, we made so much progress with eating, sleeping, he was playing with me and just a relaxed, happy kid.

AgnesDiPesto Thu 04-Oct-12 23:34:39

Claw I think you just need to know if this sw is on side. I wasn't thinking of you looking desperate more the report getting sidetracked.

We had a SALT telling us she was blown away by change in DS since he started ABA, she borrowed a video from us about ABA to watch and said she was going to recommend ABA in her report. Report arrived no mention of ABA. We faked 'surprise' and she admitted that her manager had made her remove all mention of ABA on basis that they could not prove it was the ABA responsible! Even those with good intentions seem to lack the balls to stand up to their managers and most of these reports do not see daylight until a manager has signed them off. We later found out via FOI the Manager was anti ABA and indeed she wrote a report accusing us of neglect for having DS tutored by strangers for 47 hours a week depriving him of parental love and attention which she felt was crucial to his language development and she tried at the last minute to get herself in as a witness at tribunal to tell the tribunal this.DS was actually doing 15 hours a week ABA and the only 'tutors' were us, his parents, as we had no money to hire anyone else! The SEN Officer had told her we were taking them to tribunal for 47 hours ABA (35 hours a week plus 12 hours nursery placement - in fact we asked for 35 hours including nursery placement) and SALT then wrote report saying we were leaving DS with tutors at age 2 for 47 hours a week)

SO just saying wait until the report is in. Hopefully it will be a good one, you really deserve some good luck. But I lost confidence in professionals writing what they really think in reports years ago.

AgnesDiPesto Thu 04-Oct-12 23:39:26

x-posted
Claw, you are amazing. I don't know how you are getting through this. I feel so so angry for you and your boy.
AE this tribunal is just to get a SA - still a long way off getting a Statement with any actual provision. She can't risk another school not backing her.

Claw I agree ring the EP and tell them what you have told us. Ask if they can't bump someone else and bring the appointment forward.

appropriatelyemployed Thu 04-Oct-12 23:39:26

Sorry Claw, it all sounds very desperate. Can you chase your EP and tell her/him you will take a cancellation?

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 23:44:25

AE i lost at last Tribunal for refusing to issue a statement (NIL)

1. I didnt take any witnesses

2. School were supporting my request, so i didnt bother getting copy of school file etc, they changed their minds at the last minute.

3. School told a pack of lies about the help ds was getting and well about everything. I was expecting they would tell the truth!

4. After Tribunal i wrote to school asking for copies of everything they relied on at Tribunal and asking them to clarify that ds meet targets on the unevaulated IEP's they provided (targets repeated, success criteria lowered etc)

5. School failed to provide any of this and i requested copy of school file, it didnt exist. I found post it notes on my letters setting out the lies they would tell me and they had even written 'to cover' x, y z 'lets say' copies of unmet targets, no programmes etc, etc.

6. School became very hostile after this and when i applied for SA again, reported me to SS.

appropriatelyemployed Thu 04-Oct-12 23:47:52

Claw, I am really sorry and I know what it's like to have the system against you and you have been treated appallingly.

Can I do something? Write for you to anyone? I have headed notepaper!

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 23:51:18

AE, yes that is my plan of action for tomorrow to phone EP, apparently he is very good and very much in demand, but i will give it a try.

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 00:00:36

Thanks AE that is really kind of you, but might add even more confusion to an already confusing situation!

It helps to post here, to help me stay focussed and that is often enough, just to spill it all out and think straight. I was panicking a bit, its difficult and i feel so helpless not being able to help ds immediately.

This must be torture claw. I cannot imagine.

I'm not sure I can do much to help except perhaps email the EP too and beg!?

appropriatelyemployed Fri 05-Oct-12 00:03:55

The offer is there - don't be shy if you change your mind, PM me.

If you want me to email as your friend then you'll need to PM your surname

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 00:13:27

Agnes, i am convinced that SW's forgot who you are the minute they walk out the door.

2 SW's paid me a surprise visit a few weeks back, they were useless, they didnt understand a word i said and really didnt have a clue, they told me it wasnt a CP issue, but they would recommend a CAF. I said i would wait for their report and then decide on the CAF. They then said the purpose of the CAF was to decide if it was a CP issue! So i said ok, when i can expect your report, after the CAF!

Then another SW phones me from CP to make an appointment. The purpose of this appointment is to discuss exactly the same thing as previous SW's. This SW seems understanding and i was expecting her, so i had copies of everything to show her to back up exactly what i was saying. She too said it wasnt a CP issue and asked me to send her copies of all the recommendations made by experts and that she is supposed to prepare her core assessment report in 10 days, but i can expect a copy in 2 weeks. No mention of a CAF.

I am hoping she concludes not a CP issue, an education issue, which is why i was thinking of sending her a copy of my diary of anxious school related behaviours since September?

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 00:17:26

I asked why she was duplicating the work of the previous SW's and apparently, they have had a shake up in their dept and she has taken over from the other SW and the other SW no longer works in that dept.

mariamma Fri 05-Oct-12 03:03:51

Hiya claw. Skin picking is a proper disease (they argue over whether its an addiction, a coping strategy or a spin-off of ocd, but thats small print!). Dermatotillomania or dermatitis artefacta are useful labels. Strong link with asd, also links with a few genetic things (eg prader Willie officially, fragile x perhaps)

Sometimes medications help reduce the picking a bit. Ive seen them used in an adult i worked with many yers back. Maybe concentrating on skin may put GP in a better position to support second opinion diagnosis and treatment.

They cant really tell him to butt out if there's a physical label?

mariamma Fri 05-Oct-12 03:06:05

Oh yeah, and panic attacks and asthma worse when stressed are provable. Appetite, bowels etc, can log them.

Maybe the peak flow readings will be less dodgy on non-school days?

mariamma Fri 05-Oct-12 03:07:55

If they don't like the word anxiety, you can always rephrase it in their terms

Oh Claw, what Maria said is promising. You can tell the GP that you aren't asking him to diagnose anxiety but to investigate the cause of the skin problem and to ascertain whether riptide requires a Dx.

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 10:00:11

mariamma and Star What im afraid of with my GP who clearly doesnt have much knowledge and barely speaks English, is that he will say its Eczema or such like, just because he doent know what it is or understand it. I suppose i could ask for a referal to a skin specialist, but upon reading the link, it states it is a misunderstood condition and rarely dxed, would a skin specialist be prepared to dx a rare condition? What i have found with 'experts' over the years is they like things they are familar with, if they are not they tend to label it with something they are familar with.

For example CAMHS say anxiety is responsible for ds's eating, when really he has a food phobia and probably an eating disorder.

Anyhow update DS DID HAVE A SPLINTER IN HIS BOTTOM im not sure whether to be a bit relieved or not. When i collected him school, he had a plaster on his bottom, i was told by school, they had given it to him 'just to pacify him' and he apparently had stuck the plaster on himself.

Ds cannot stand plasters, especially removing them, so last night when i went to bed and ds was sleeping, i removed the plaster, i was so shocked to find a massive thick splinter sticking out from his bottom, about 2 inches of it was protruding from his skin and had been taped down with the plaster. The splinter was about 5 inches long when removed and about as thick as two matchsticks stuck together.

Now ds tells me this morning that Mrs X (the first aid lady) had tried to remove it, but couldnt, so put a plaster on it and phoned me.

I dont know what to think anymore.

starfishmummy Fri 05-Oct-12 13:18:04

I haven't added to this thread as the things you are experiencing are outside of my experience, so I could add nothing useful ; but re the splinter - that is appalling. What did they think hiding it under a plaster would do? Your poor DS.

AgnesDiPesto Fri 05-Oct-12 13:47:01

God Claw that is unbelievable

Do you know how he got it. Am worried now they are covering up bullying / accidents as well

Tbh I am suspicious wrt children moving chairs away etc. This is indicative of bullying. Please let me email the EP.

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 14:23:44

They have an area of decking in the school, ds says he was sitting on the decking steps and he slide his bottom along and got the splinter.

This morning in the car on the way to school ds asked me how did i get the splinter out, i told him i pulled it out quickly while he was sleeping. He said 'oh Mrs X was trying to pull it slowly and it didnt work, so she put a plaster on it and phoned you'. he also added she is not allowed to look at boys bottoms. So i asked well how did she pull the splinter. He said she intially felt it through his trousers, he then pulled his trousers and pants down to one side so she could see and she then tried pulling it.

Now when Mrs X phoned me, she told me ds thinks he has a splinter in his bottom, we are not allowed to look, could you come into school and have a look. I asked how he had managed to get a splinter in his bottom and she said she didnt know, ds had just been sent to her.

When i arrived at school, before she went to get ds from class and told me she had given him a plaster and he had put it on himself in the toilet. She said he was upset and you know what kids are like, a plaster always seems to make it better kind of thing.

The plaster had been put on very accurately, in a way that the 2 inch splinter which was sticking directly out, when the plaster was removed, was flatten to the skin over to one side.

Now ds cant even wipe his own bottom, unless he has a full length mirror as he is unable to reach around accurately and wipe the right area without seeing it and he wouldnt have had the common sense to push the splinter to one side, he would have just tried sticking a plaster on top of the protruding splinter, plus he hates plasters, as he has a screaming fit when they have to removed.

Why would they lie about it?

Poor ds, didnt complain once about this all night last night, he had a couple of screaming fits at his brothers over petty things, but not once did he complain about his bottom sad

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 14:34:18

Star, thanks that is very kind of you, i would be happy for you to draft an email, if you have the time that is.

Yeah course. But i need your surname in order for it not to say 'can you help some woman off the Internet please'.

AgnesDiPesto Fri 05-Oct-12 14:47:40

Claw I honestly think by now I would have taken some of that £15k you are spending on lawyers gone to a spy shop and secretly bugged my DS.

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 14:56:35

I will pm you shortly Star, just off on school run.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now