Hallo Mum2fred and Bubblagirl, right I'll have a look at gumtree and I really hadn't considered taking mil to a sn meeting, that might help a lot.

Maybe it is darkest before dawn, today has turned out much better than yesterday, 2 old friends of ds2 came round out of the blue and I told him he had to go and at least say hallo to them. He did and they then spent an hour playing together on our trampoline, chatting and wrestling and sitting quietly chatting and eating ice lollies. I couldn't believe it.

What you said about having someone kind who can love and enjoy being with your child is exactly what I'm looking for. I just didn't know it before you wrote it down

well you are doing a fab job its hard but also a pleasure maybe take mil along to sn group for some lessons herself with what your dealing with

is there any holiday days at sn group ds can go to any therapies etc

ps a 20 day ad on gumtree costs £25.

and if you do advertise you maybe dont need one with experince of SN, but rather someone who is willing to learn etc.

hiya. i have a nanny which i hired using gumtree (in london) as cheapest way (to advertise nad i pay cash in hand)and most nannys will look on gumtree even when they are registered with agencies.

she started with us about 2 months before ds1 was diagnosed wth asd (2.7yo) and knew he had development issues. She has no formal SN training and was hired simply becasue she was a kind nice girl.

it took a couple of weeks but she found her ay into my sons heart nad he just adores her. ADORES HER. i cant put intow words how special their bond is, how many tlittle private jokes they share, how much that fills my heart up wth joy to see. She was worried that she would be unable to do hte job (we started with a 1 month trial period) but now tells me time and time again how fulfilling her job s nad how DS1 is the best little kid shes ever looked after, how much she loves him just the way he is.

so for my experience you just need someone lovely and caring.

i know that on gumtree there are a lot of nanny jobs being advertised for asd kids and in my applications i had quite a few with SN experence. guntree can give loads of inappropriate applications but we had a pool of 10 or so good ones ot pick from.

if you cna afford it, even if it is for a few hours a week, i ld recommend. Not only for what it gives you (freedom!) but for what it gives your boy.

Hi bubblagirl, thanks for posting. DS2 is 11. Yes, I have a SN group, I'll get myself in gear and go to the meetup this coming week and ask around.

Last night I was feeling really bad that I just can't do this all by myself. Husband and Mil are coping in their way, and I suppose are trying to help me. It's just that their support brings me down more and more.

All I want is for them to say you are fab, I couldn't do what you are doing, look how well ds2 is doing, don't worry about things, to actually smile at me rather than look all worried and fearful.

Mil actually said yesterday something along the lines of "I get worried sick about ds2, I worry about what sort of life he is going to have". Doesn't exactly fill me with confidence.

bumping for you i have no experience in this at all but didnt want to leave unanswered

my ds also HFA your not near me at all are you? how old is your ds?

do you have sn group near you they normally have lots of references and advise to give

Has anyone on here has any experience of finding an adult to actually help with caring for a HFA child?

I'm realising no one in my family can connect with my son, so for a break or shared responsibility I may need to buy in help.

I have just been searching Special Needs Nanny Agencies and there seem to be a lot of them about.

I am thinking one day a week would take the edge off things for me and would bring ds2 out of himself, particularly if he really got on with the person and felt able to trust and relax with her.