thanks misscutandstick DS has a weighted blanket actually I started a mammoth thread about it ages ago when we bought it and he began sleeping, and the brother in law of the woman who makes them came on the thread too! It wasnt that site though it was another one. But I dont know how to wash it! No instructions came with it and I keep meaning to call them and ask or send them an email. I just spot clean it and hang it on the line when it needs to be freshened up as he cant be without it for a night!

HEREI, have you looked into weighed blankets? (sorry if you already have one) - just that you mention he likes the feeling of being held tight and that would definately be the sensation he would be getting from one. Again, not cheap - but SOOOOO many people on here swear by them.

think the clicky is: lots of people say this is a very trustworthy site, and its got some fabby info on it too hope it helps.

And BTW we too have been thru the turmoil of pre-dx, and it sucks. . I have 3 with SN and you'd think it got easier, but it doesnt . But seeking out help really is worth every ounce of effort - wether its books, 'research' (read netting!), talking to whoever can offer even one shred of hope, is worth it.

Good luck with BIBIC as well, ive only heard wonderful things in connection with them

Just arranged our phone interview with BIBIC for Weds afternoon!!!!

Peachy I dont believe you I think you do set up around centres! But I will def let you know if we go it would be nice to possibly meet.

Oh and think the way to approach this with your DH-

a dx offers you nothing other than a name. It can lead to you being able to approach other services but with ASD type disorders you will iofetn find that's it. We've had one dx for 3.5 years and another for a year and never received anything from the NHS, the LEA were forced into two statements. Our Aped is lovely the rest invisible.

BIBIC however offers ways of working with things- so that sausage roll trick with the duvet I suggested on teh otehr threa, ways around sensory isue.... they don't offer a cure but can help deal with lots of little things. I say little, our children in need funded palce saw ds3 get his first SALT and PECs and led to him talking.

If you speak t Karen there btw say Hi from the Peach family

herei that sounds a lot like ds1, his was also a cocked up delivery- my BP was rising to 160 so the MW would send me to the cenytyral MW Unit by which time it would drop- they kept saying I was just anxious. The community MW also suspected a small baby but the lead MW saud no. AFter several weeks of this (5?) I taled myself out of yet another readmittance, went home to reast, took a phone call from my X saying he'd had a car crash (we'sd been split a year no idea why me) and started fitting; local MW sent me to lead unit, ambulance sirens etc..... they told dh they'd send me home had it not been 3am, scan next day no one would talk to me or release me, next day came from shower to find a note telling me ds1 had stopped growing a few days ago (at last scan had measured as about 6lbs) and would need to induce as emeregency... induction, ds1's heart stopping but no CS as another women hasd the same problems also no epidural for BP for same reason, ds1 born weighing 5lb 4oz and I am certain it didn't help to say the least- I once studied Psych and found that an area linked to aggression he dislpays is located close to the area for SPD and I truly believe somethiing happened at birth to start the aggression.

As for the not putting down thing- <<sigh>>, ds4 is 15 months Monday and still never slept in a cot, won't settle anywhere but on me. I tried from day one when he was 2 hours old (HB) but nope, no chance.

Our experience with the BIBIC opeople was that our Paed was very enthusiastic about all the reams of apperwork BIBIC provided us with, and said it helped her diagnose, for a start they measure delays etc and that could fend off the attachment stuff!. My own perspective also is that whilst a DX is all well and good, what you need is to help your child and BIBIC can offer that.

let me know btw if you go there- Mum lives round the corner (we dont deliberately set up near centres LOL just luck!)

The free interview with them is non comiottal so worth a shot

Elliot house in bromley is a national centre for social communication disorders. they trained our local paed consultant. Lorna Wing (high profile name in asd worl) used to have something to do with it. Google it and see if they will see you. If you are in essex, bromley os not far once you've come over the QE11 bridge

I will look into the babydan thing I'll check them on ebay.

Well I have been on BIBIC and to say I am enthusiastic to see them is an understatement. I am chomping at the bit, it actually makes me feel hope.

However, DH thinks we should let CAHMS have a go at sorting it first and then if we arent happy with the result go to BIBIC. I disagree, I think they can go on at the same time, and also that BIBIC will give us practical help quickly. How can I explain this to him?

HIDTL that does sound like a truly horrific delivery - can't believe the consultant let the midwife overrule, it sounds like you should have been zoomed off for a section hours earlier!

Like you I have my suspicions that DS's fine motor and concentration issues may well have been caused by traumatic delivery, nothing like as bad as yours but he was a very scary emergency section due to distress and his heartbeat just went through the floor. I can't prove it either but the suspicion alone is enough to make me opt for an elective section with my second baby (due in a few months) - I'm not risking natural labour again.

If the restraining thing is not an option for you could you consider something like getting a Babydan playpen or similar where DS simply gets plonked in meltdown until he has screamed himself out and calmed down? That way he would still be able to see you but not hurt you, you could turn your back and ignore him and only go to him once calmed down. Just a thought - someone mentioned it on here as an alternative to 'naughty step' or timeout in another room when those just weren't working.

thanks Hope you are all having a lovely day too. Peachy I dont know what Discovery Centre is?

A couple of things, I didnt realise til I googled it last night what BIBIC stood for - brain injured children. And I know this is my supposition but I wanted to share with you what my very deeply held belief is about what caused DS's problems. I wont give you the whole agonising story but in a nutshell at 35 weeks pregnant I started leaking fluid and it was incorrectly DX as a weird show. Each day the leak became more and at exactly 36 weeks was a full gush and I realised I couldnt remember the last time I'd felt him move. We rushed into the labour ward where a scan and exam showed that my waters had actually broken at 35 weeks, so the week in between he had not been in anywhere near the right amount of water and was in distress. They induced me straight away and it didnt start the contractions so they ramped the drip up, then it came on like the fury of hell. Then they gave me an epidural, but it failed. You wont believe this but it paralysed me but didnt take the pain away. So I was stuck on my back, unable to move anything but my arms and head with my feet in stirrups and went through hours and hours and hours of agonising labour with no pain relief. It took several hours to push him out. The consulatant wanted to do a section but the MW said no give us some more time. And around an hour after that point DS was born.

He was always a little different to other babies, he only slept on mine or DH's chest til around 6 months. He had to be in a sling or arms he could never ever lie down on his own. He had terrible colic and wouldnt sleep. It was a really hard time. He was around 11 months when we finally got to the point we could put him to sleep properly in a cot.

It has always - even before the ASD issues came up, I mean back when he was tiny - been my belief that he was injured in some way on that week of not enough waters, then a terribly botched delivery. Now I truly believe to the core of my being, I would stake my life on it, that it has somehow caused this. I cant prove it but I believe it deeply.

The other thing I wanted to say is, this morning I was doing the restraining technique and he was trying to get out etc and I was struck with a pretty terrible thought. THE way DS is retrieved from meltdowns and panic is by getting inside my arms and legs and me rocking him and singing. And that is so valuable as we truly depend on that magic relief. So I think me restraining him might work against us as in taking away the huge good my restraining hold does for him by making it something related to punishment. I dont think I am comfortable with it. Am for the time being crossing that off the list and looking at my options afresh on how to handle his violence.

Thanks xx