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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

SN children

Why is it all such a f**king battle.....

31 replies

heartinthecountry · 16/05/2005 18:50

Totally fed up and upset. As some of you know we have been planning to do ABA with dd for some time. For various reasons getting started has been a real struggle. And now, when I finally thought it was all going to happen, with tutors in place and workshop date set, 2 of my tutors have dropped out which means basically we only have 1, who can only do part time. So either we can't do the program or I will have to do a lot of it myself and really, I'm not a good teacher (too impatient), or I have to set about looking for tutors all over again. Believe me, it took months to get this far.

Have to say at this point I am just about ready to throw the towel in. Why should it be this hard just to help my daughter learn more? I just feel so p*ssed off that I should even have to consider taking all this on myself - why can't the effing state provide her with adequate therapy and education?

It is so just bollocks.

And bollocks to no swearing too - as Jimjams said the other day, anyone who thinks you don't need to swear doesn't live my f**cking life.

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MarsLady · 16/05/2005 19:14

don't give up. It'll be worth it in the end. All I can do is encourage you as I have no experience of what you are going through. You are a mother doing her best for her child and that's why it's worth the fight.

Well done for doing so well so far, here's hoping it all comes together again!

coppertop · 16/05/2005 19:15

HITC I'm so sorry you're having such a shtty time of it. I wish I had some practical advice but I know very little about ABA. I agree with your point about why should we have to arrange education for our children all by ourselves. The system is crp.

Socci · 16/05/2005 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

InternationalGirl · 16/05/2005 19:32

Oh HITC!! Crap, crap, crap . And you sounded so positive on Saturday.

I know it sounds like climbing a mountain but try to muster up some more strength and find some more therapists - you can't do this on your own. You need to be able to be a Mum without having to spend all your waking hours doing therapy. Don't give up - this is your baby you are doing this all for and that's what will make it worth it if you can have a good go at it.

I agree you should all get much more support with your children's education and needs than you do!!

Take care babe, sending positive vibes (and HUGS).

Thomcat · 16/05/2005 19:39

Oh mate, I'm so sorry. Wish I had something more constructive to say other than BOLLOKS.
Tomorrow is another day mate, curl up in a ball and hide under the duvet tonight and come out fighting again tomorrow. i know you shouldn't have to but you do, and you will. What doesn't break you makes you stronger right. (Just trying to help, hope you take all this in the right way) TC x

Blossomhill · 16/05/2005 19:49

HITC - you swear away, you are right it is bollocks
It is all so draining isn't it?
Really hope you manage to sort something out!!!
BHxxx

heartinthecountry · 16/05/2005 19:57

Thanks ladies - just having a really bad day. (I did go a bit overboard on the swearing didn't I ? )

I know what you are saying IG, I do just want to do what is best for dd - but I can only do so much, you know.

Socci - we were only planning to do 15 hours a week initially anyway, so with 2 tutors dropping out we are down to 6. Its just not going to work.

Ah well, tomorrow I will pick myself up, get on the phone and start sorting it out I suppose....

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Socci · 16/05/2005 20:03

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Jimjams · 16/05/2005 20:07

Start with 6- we do less than that and he is moving through theprogrammes (obviously would be faster with more hours).

My mouth is like a sewer- but if it wasn't I'd be hospitalised with high blood pressure- it's got to come out somewhere (trying to tone it down now I have a speaking, copying child (ds2!) but it is hard when my glasses have been ripped off my face for the oh so hilarious 6th time that day and landed in the even more hilarious wee puddle- contact lenses tomorrow- but somehow "fiddlesticks darling" doesn't do it!)

swear swear swear away!! I would as well if 2 tutors had dropped out. You'll find more though and start with 6 hours (and for god's sake don't make yourself do therapy if you don't want to- aba is hard work!)

InternationalGirl · 16/05/2005 20:28

When it all comes down to it you really can only do your best, which you ARE. You are a fabulous Mum to W but you do have to take care of yourself too.

monica2 · 16/05/2005 21:49

Hi HITC so sorry you are having a nightmare time with your tutors, hope you find some fab ones soon who have the commitment and understand just how crucial their role is!

The title of your thread sums up being a mum to a special needs child unfortunately, I really hope things get sorted soon, look after yourself xx

Potty1 · 16/05/2005 22:18

Swear all you like HITC, seems to go with the territory .

Hope you get it sorted.

Davros · 16/05/2005 22:31

HITC, I'm so sorry to read this! What an utter pain in the backside (how refained!). When is the workshop set for? Will you go ahead anyway, if you can get more people or not? The reason I am asking is that I have some time on Wednesday, why don't we have a brainstorm and I will spend some time on the phone or sending emails trying to dig someone up for you. Have you made an "advert"? I'm good at that! Please let me spend some time doing this, I've got the time and I think you're at work then. Shall I phone you tomorrow for a quick chat? I've got your mobile number (which sent me a foul text message on Saturday from somewhere called Brighton I believe ). My usual email still isn't working so I'll email you from my Yahoo address. I agree with Jimjams about doing the 6 hours but I expect its a question of the workshop and making the most of it (video it btw anyway).

Jimjams · 16/05/2005 22:33

Davros- sorry to hijack- I need one of your general helper adverts.... please please pretty please

I didn't think about the workshop, bummer.....

Davros · 16/05/2005 22:40

Okey dokey, will "rush" one to you... tomorrow morning OK? What are you up to? Is it for DPs? Will email you about PECs thingy.
OK, hijack over!

Jimjams · 16/05/2005 22:43

yep dp's.

Looks like we're off to the PECs thingy

Jimjams · 16/05/2005 22:44

oh tomorrow's fine- no hurry at all I've been meaning to ask you for weeks- thank's davros.

heartinthecountry · 16/05/2005 23:05

Davros you are a gem amongst gems . Will give you a call tomorrow.

btw - text message nothing to do with me (well, okay, a little bit, but that Lou33 had something to do with it too ). We were talking about you - but only in a good way. Honestly honest.

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Davros · 17/05/2005 08:02

HITC, I sent you an email last night but its bounced back. I think I've got something wrong with your address, but you haven't got mine as its not working! I'll CAT you with my temp email address.

Thomcat · 17/05/2005 09:15

Hope you are feeling okay today HITC.

Fio2 · 17/05/2005 09:26

HITC hope davros can help. I remember the pre-school years well, you could have read my ramblings if they hadnyt been deleted. But I found it soul destroying and frustrating to say the least.

Talking about toning down swearing.....I must do the same. Ds announced on saturday that: He has 'blue' dreams, he wanted condoms from tesco toilets (actually asked for them but to be faor I think he thought they were sweets), his dad was a little git and that he was 'going for a shit' so yes i think we need to sort our language out too!......No-one phone social services

JakB · 17/05/2005 09:32

HITC, so sorry to hear this. What a nightmare love. I agree- start with 6 hours and let fab Davros get on the case. I know a couple of therapists with free time but all in Brighton . Will CAT you. Hope you're feeling more upbeat today

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JakB · 17/05/2005 09:37

ps DD started with only 3 hours for a few months before we even had a workshop. Then we only built it up gradually so don't worry. ONce you start you feel as if you are getting somewhere. Really looking forward to hearing all about W's progress! She's a poppet

RnB · 17/05/2005 11:17

Message withdrawn

heartinthecountry · 17/05/2005 12:58

Thank you lovely ladies. Am feeling better today and ready to start again (as you said TC!).

Spoke to someone this morning who might be up for it - meeting her on Thurs - so fingers crossed. Even if not I think we will just start with as many hours as we can as you all suggest. My only fear about that is that I am taking dd out of her SN nursery to do this so I feel we really need to be giving her more than she is getting now to make it worthwhile IYSWIM.

There is something up with my email so CATs won't get through either but I can be reached on infoATpodnet.org.uk (obviously with the @ not AT).

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