Thanks everyone, I feel less alone now -although I'm not pleased that other people feel the same IYKWIM

Had another very broody day, cos the dds were talking about having a little brother or sister.

Hope everyone has a good week x

i can just repeat everything that is above.

i always wanted 4 kiddies, but with DS1 dx ASD as ds2 (11months) being watched like a hawk (feel positive, but you never know) the concept of dc3 is one that is on the backburner.

dh is adamant that there will be dc4 (!!), but i need to see how next year or two pans out. I am really positie about where ds1 ill go oer hte nex few years but am scared so much of hte possibility of a baby that could be more severly affected and how ould cope with that.

but neither ds1 or 2 were planned so suspect a dc3/4/5/6/7/8 will be left up to fates hands.

AND - i just want to say how lucky all these little babes are to have such lovin and committed mums.

I'm sure you're all bored of me telling this story, but anyway...

When ds2 was dx with autism last year, me and Dh went out the same weekend to celebrate our anniversary (first time we had ever celebrated it) nd to also chat about what we were going to do. We decided that we would not have any more DC and focus on the two we had, even though I wanted 4 DC. And it wasn't easy me getting pregnant anyway, as had to have fertility drugs to conceive DS1+2 and was told could never conceive naturally. DS3 was born in November, after I conceived that weekend according to dates . To say we were shocked is an understatement. But I am a strong believer in fate. He fits in very well, he is very laid back, and so far is a lot like DS1. If he has some form of ASD, then we will deal with it then, but my instinct is saying he doesn't.

Sometimes you just have to take the hand fate deals you.

Now, I do want another DC, but I was wise and had my tubes tied while getting DS3 out through the sunroof so it isn't possible to have another natural child. But we are in talks about adoption. Not yet, but in years to come.

What you are saying makes perfect sense to me, don't worry I can imagine that I would also spend the whole pregnancy worried sick.

I also think about how I would be with a new baby -I know I would be looking for all of the signs, right from birth ie. is he/she smiling/have they got good eye contact?
I know that I would drive myself mad looking for things.

I'm really glad this thread has given lots of us the chance to get things off our chest

So glad this thread has been started. I feel exactly the same way would love a third child, get real yearning and broody feelings when I see newborn babies. Yet am absolutely petrified of having another as I don't feel I could cope with the autism or aspergers. I have a daughter who was ill with autistic encephalitus so she was severly autistic for six months then within six months of her getting better I fell pregnant with my son. Though he was planned the minute I fell pregnant I was absolutely petrified cried every day with fear and worry. Up until he was two i was absolutely petrified he would have severe autism. He is now seven and he has mild aspergers, we are coping with this. I have mild aspergers myself and can trace it back through two or three generations.
I cannot putmyself or my husband or two children through another pregnancy the nine months of me crying the wondering the worrying the imagining the senarios etc. it wouldn't be fair and I dont feel able to cope with any more on top of what I have been through and have got now. Though I am very grateful it is not worst than it is,

Yet despite it all i can't stop yearning for another child but to be honest my husband would not entertain the idea he said he couldn't see me go through the worry and the fear again and I am just too scared but I would so love another one in many ways but i just cant go there.

Thanks for starting this thread, hope you doon't think I am mad and what I am saying makes sense in a wierd kind of way lol

Dinosaur, I think you have summed it up there -I either live with feeling incomplete, or take a chance on a third child being autistic, too.

Like you, if I found myself in the same situation I wouldn't want to change anything, but it raises a whole new set of 'what ifs?'

Marne, my dh also has the same concerns as your dh -he says that we couldn't complain that we needed a break/help etc, then go on to have another baby

Between the devil and the deep blue sea, I think.

Hi,
I'm in the same boat, i have 2 dd's, one has Aspergers the other has HFA/ASD, we have been told that there is a 60% chance of our next child being on the spectrum. I would love another baby but we are not sure if we could cope with a 3rd autistic child.

I think Dh worries about what other people will think of us for having another when we know he/she may be autistic.

Hi,

I had DS1 with a dx of HFA and DS2 (nt) and decided to have baby number 3 anyway.

We love him to bits, but he does have autism, and is much more severely autistic than DS1. And tbh, we were not prepared for that at all.

Obviously, now I have him, I wouldn't change him for all the world! His brothers are fab with him too.

It has to be said, our lives would be an awful lot easier if it was just us and DS1 and DS2. But I think that the yearning for a third baby, and feeling of incompleteness, would have been very hard to live with if we hadn't had him.

I think we share a common thread here. We all know the risks and impracticalities of having more babies, but that doesn't mean that it stops us yearning

Thanks for all of the responses.At least we have somewhere to talk about things like this. There's no one in RL I could talk to, without coming over as mad!

feel the same as you all

I do carry what my dd has and its pretty 50/50 of passing it on - though most likely scenario then would be mc or worse (one form of it is incompatable with life)

My dd was my first. I think lots of the grief and anger I felt were not due to her problems but at thought / prospect of never having any more

I had my ds 2 years after my dd and was incredibly lucky in that he has escaped the genetic probs altogether - not even a carrier. Was adamant at the time I would never ever entertain notion of pg again

Now am feeling rather broody. Even though I know it would be heartbreaking to try and go through more mc and heartbreaking 'choices'