Your NT 2 year old says "scrummy biscuit" but your 5 year old says "munchin' crunchin' heaven". DS says "cuddle", DD "few hugs and kisses". DS says "hungry", DD "then he ate all the biscuits, and all the cake, until there was nothing left to eat on the table" (I could go on...).
Also, when your 5-year-old runs up to unsuspecting (French!!) children, fixes them with that unwavering demon stare and shouts "No, you don't need to have Madeleine's dress!" then runs away giggling. Gets them every time!
Or when, like any 5 year old, she wants to dress up as a princess, but she does it by wearing about 5 dresses, one on top of the other, then wonders why she can barely move!

when you wonder wtf? when your non-verbal dc starts speaking in spanish! - then you realise that go-diego-go/dora the exploria is on again for the 100th time that day!

when they ignore a duchess:O

When every time you go out the door, you automatically say "DON'T throw anything over the fence" !!!

When you turn up to pick your DC up from school, and he runs up and says "fuck" in your face in front of all the other mums

When you have to ask ^at least^ 3 times "What would you like for dinner?" before you get a reply.

When you use makaton to reinforce verbal language to random children you meet.

When your friends who's a teacher and moved to the states, comes to stay and says it's the first time she's heard a 5 year old use the words assume, actually and appreciate in the correct context in one conversation!!

When said 5 year old refuses to go into Matalan as he is convinced they do not sell toys (we were shopping for a birthday present) and completely loses the power of speech only managing to sniffle and stamp his feet and shout no repeatedly.

When you spend the next 30 minutes jubilantly praising the same 5 year for saying "I apologise mummy you were right".

I still can't believe he admitted he was wrong!

BR

asdx2. PMSL. Seriously I am at work and have tears in my eyes!!

when your dd is screaming in alarm when you take them anywhere near the sea.( Though fiddling with your straps on buggy and throwing sand randomly for 2 hours constitutes a brilliant day)

When your DD runs into the garden screaming because there was a hand on the TV.

When you hear her sister screaming "stop licking my socks!"

When you stand on a stool to shave him, and he's lined up the playmobil in order of rank along the edge of the bath.

When your DD takes a bow every time you praise her.

When you have to talk her step by step through successfully pulling up trousers after a wee.

when carrot cake and tomato ketchup count as vegetables.

when you are still waiting for the "why" phase.....

When ds1 runs in with his trousers on the right way round and the right side out, and you burst into tears and give him a biscuit. And he grabs the biscuit and runs away to avoid what he knows will be an ott hug.

When the phrases good talking and good looking no longer sound weird and are frequently used by yourself and dh.

When you have spent so much time over-stressing diff syllables of words you have to think really hard how to say the word properly.

When you no longer have to queue to collect your NT DC from the classroom as your SN DC just ignores everyone and goes and collects them for you.

When you find you have more friends with SN DC than not

Lol, Riv - I have done that in Jaeger! Not pushed in (because obv you don't have anything as vulgar as a queue in Jaeger) but busted up a couple of sales assistants in deep discussion over the more obscure parts of the new till system, in preference to actually serving anyone.

not at the seizure at how you wrote it lol

lol riven "'oh, dd is having a seizure, do you mind?'" PMSL

when you can queue jump in Sainsbo's by sauing 'oh, dd is having a seizure, do you mind?'

When all the other 3yr olds come out of nursery with a flowery mothers day card and yours gives you a perfectly drawn Enji Benjy Spaceship.

These are great.

ooh I have a good one from yesterday which is perfect!

When you, DH and DS stop at DS's insistence and watch a tractor pulling a trailer into a really tricky spot to collect a load of furniture.

There is a crowd of older men watching and helping load the tractor and they think DS's interest is really adorable.

DS says "Mama what is that tractor doing?" and you say "The tractor is manoeuvring into the right position to pick up the furniture." And the man nearest you chuckles and says "That word is a bit big though isnt it!" And you say "yes and he will know it now too." And the man raises his eyebrow and says "oh yes?"

and a couple of minutes later DS says "Mama the tractor has done his manoeuvring"

You start laughing, the man looks shocked and pats your not quite three year old on the head and says "oh my!"

When you just don't care any more about whether ds2 changes into pjs at night or not, battling over it is futile.

When the list of acceptable foods is something I no longer feel embarrassed about. The balance of my friends is shifting towards sn families now.

When you do something simple like put something in the bin or open a door, to a scream of "J do it!!", only for him to remove said item from the bin or close said door, and DO IT HIMSELF!!!!

when everytime you go to a new place you do a mental risk-assesment. Plus you always have a worse-case-scenario-style back-up plan!

When you take your DC to a "SN event" and get embarrassed about your NT DC behaviour!

When you go to collect your younger son from playgroup and when asked if he's enjoyed the singing in church are told "there's been lots of us to keep an eye on him."

When your older son insists on wearing his wellies and a hooded jumper on a sweltering hot day, so he can be "all in blue".

When you assess how much your younger son wants the toy you're getting for him by how hard he holds onto it.

When going to an unfamiliar part of town leads to your older son clinging onto his daddy like a limpet and getting upset and anxious.

When your younger son brings home his masterpiece from playgroup "glue dripped onto paper".

When your older son doesn't ask embarrassing questions about other people, but instead loudly copies what they are saying.

oh, and when you are trying to field a difficult question about cold fusion while simultaneously removing a clod of earth from his mouth

Can I just say how much I love you guys? have been reading this and PMSL, much to DH's confusion. Thank you, for making it all so 'everyday'!

When a shot of a hand on the TV screen sends your DD screaming into the garden.

When you take a pair of earmuffs to the cinema.

When he has a meltdown at 12, and the male deputy head isn't strong enough to hold him back.

When five year old son is following lines on the pavement and the school hard boy(9) stands in his way. Big brother (12) tells him to move and he refuses as does other big brother (14) and he laughs. So mum says go on then Jack you can hurt him and he runs lol.

when your 14 yr old dd hits a boy in the face(he was staring and lol at her) and the mother just tells him"she can't help it"

When you are thankful for the invention of the ipod and the mp3, so that you don't have to listen to something over and over again!

thinking about my ASD teen - when he has classical music on his iPod and insists you isten to certain bits which he then plays for you. Again. And again. And again.

When he's still playing with playmobil at 14, but his Vikings send messages to each other in runic script and his Romans use Latin.

When he's so easy to buy clothes for.
Because he only wears one type of trousers and black T shirts.

you entertain the entire bus who don't know where to look as your child makes loud CP noises all the way home

When ds2 (2) flaps his arms with excitement and your heart stops...

When shopping for ds for the week consists of 7 chickens, 14 boxes of mint matchmakers and seven packs of blu tac.

When during the school holidays you look at the washing on the line and realise ds has been naked for the last 7 days and hasn't left the house once.

you ring dh at work to tell him your dd has had a pooh, you also clap and do a dance

people glance into your trolley with horror at the 6 tubs of double cream, creme fraiche and 10 lots of butter and 10 blocks of cheese.
(keto diet)
and you say 'this cheese doesn't have enough fat in it, get the other one'

you cant understand it when people complain their child doesn't drink enough and then you remember not everyone has a gastronomy tube

When your child eats pasta with a sauce made out of Butternutsquash, carrots, onions, tomatoes and brocolli, you ring his dad, who is the middle of an important, career deciding meeting, to jubilantly tell him that ds has for the first time in his 5 years eaten "5 a day". This makes you so happy that you have a massive grin on your face for three days afterwards.

When your diary is so full of appointments with his 'professionals' that you can't squeeze in time for a haircut!

5inthebed I do that with crying too! Sends a shiver down my spine.

You've transformed from being the mum who only let her DS eat organic and homemade food, to the mum who is so grateful that DS2 is actually eating something, that a diet of processed foods such as cream crackers, crisps, biscuits, toast (shop bought white bread!) actually feels like it's balanced and good for him.

You've also transformed from being the mum who "rationed" tv to 2 sessions of 20 minutes a day, to allowing non-stop Cbeebies, as it helps DS2 to chill/regroup (and learn stuff!!).

Mysonben, DS2's first sentance was the same!! He still asks it now as well. It's a running joke in the family as well, because he cups his ears, blocking out the noise when he asks

You hear a young child scream and cry and instinctively look to make sure your DC isn't in the vicinity of the screaming crying child

Your child spends sports day escaping in the opposite direction to the race.

Family and friends never call you before 9.30pm on the landline, as they will simply be "mooo-ed" at by DS2 who is still enjoying his cow obsession.

You are no longer troubled by coldcallers/telemarketers for the same reason!!

You spend 20 minutes outside motorway services building, desperate to get inside, but have to wait for the automatic doors to fully close, and DS2 to be the one to make them then open. (You no longer plan any long m'way journeys during daylight hours when there might be other people around).

When planning a journey to somewhere you're not sure of how to get to, you make sure that DS2 has been shown where we're off to on google earth - he's memorised the route perfectly, both ways, within minutes.

You sympathise with a friend whose baby is only letting her get 5 hour sleep a night - then spend the next 3 days trying to work out when you last got that much sleep yourself.

when you nearly faint away with shock when they ask you to try a new food (in DS's case strawberries) when they have spent several years consistently refusing it. when you reward just trying a few mouthfuls of a new food. When you don't know whether to laugh or cry when another mum you meet tells you she has a "clean plate policy" with her child the same age of yours.

when you let your ds squeeze peas from his plate and pop them all round the room because you have the vague idea it might be beneficial in improving his fine motor skills

macwoozy no way! I think it's sooo cute...especially the shark face he makes when he draws his nose up just before he does it.

Not nice mid-cold though.

Great thread,has made me

Mine,you are pleased and not angry when your dc removes your carefully ironed clothes that are airing on the radiator and puts them into the washing machine because you realise that she has realised:

A) How to open the door of the machine
b) That a washing machine is for putting clothes in!

I am not looking forward to

c)Realises that she can actually START the washing machine by pressing buttons

when your ds 'fisrt proper sentence is 'what's that noise?' (when he hears a plane) and you are still answering that same question 6 months later!

When you're out and about, and really enjoy watching people's faces when your DC says 'hazagabskajabds' or equivalent and you reply 'yes, it is getting rather cold isn't it?'

When you're in a TV shop and DS has his nose pressed to one side of the screen of the display model showing BBC News, the assistant comes up and asks what he's doing and you say without missing a beat 'oh don't worry, he's looking for where the words come from'.

Running at automated doors yelling 'magic dooooor!' before realising DS is in school.

Standing in front of said doors with your two kids yelling 'SHAZAM!' (otherwise the doors don't open of course)

when you get a cold shiver down your spine on hearing the phrase "the ninkynonk is stuck in the tree" after a 6 month hiatus (it was on repeat for a year prior to that).

it is a similar sensation to when the ghouls come creeping back out at the end of a horror film. to be continued....

funniest thread ever, by the way!

When the gogos/cars/smarties/sequins etc are lined up in perfect colour order with a descending order category of size/transparency/shape etc going front to back too.

God yes. Whenever he walks into a room it's one of the first things he says "I can smel...[whatever he think sit is]".

Actually that's made me remember something rally funny that happened last night. Will post on new thread.....

DS licks tvs and everything too. AND br - he is totally obsessed with smell! He is always saying "what does this driveway smell like" "what does tesco smell like"

LOL the licking. DS1 smells everthing. (Anyone else have hypersensitive olfactory sense?) Especially in supermakets.

"DS1 put {food} down and move away from the veg"

Mind you it does make people move away....

When you ask ds to locate Moldavia on the map for you.

Shouting 'have you put your carbs in' as ds disappears out to play having come in for a snack.

Knowing the carb count value of everything including popcorn.

Nearly getting chucked out of the cinema for using a mobile phone when it was being used as a torch to see ds's blood glucose value mid-film.

Getting the full blast of high-blood sugar wind right in the nose at 3am when giving a dose of insulin under the duvet so as not to wake him up.

when you don't sodding get any sleep

oh and you sign in exagerated way to everyone as you speak

drs look kind of suprised by language / abbreviations you use and ask you if you work in medicine

Oh so many of these are far too familiar! Especially the licking ones.

"Stop licking the floor!" "Do NOT lick the bin!!" "I don't think that lady wants to be licked...."

This thread has made me laugh out loud - thanks

Girlies give ya selves a round of applause....i havent giggled so much - whilst understand exactly what & where ya are all comming from Thank god theres more like my family in the world LOL

You could undertake Mastermind with the Pontypines as your specialist subject.

You can say 'don't lick the TV' and list car colours without breaking a conversational flow.

and when you have to sing happy birthday to the tune of 'When I'm cleaning windows'

When you wonder if the NT children at LOs nursery are freaks of nature

When your T-shirt doesn't count as dirty till the refluxy one has projectile vommed on it at least 3 times.

When you unearth your inner-blue-petery-type-guru-ness, (behold, the coathanger of light and the magical smash tin drum) coz real SN toys cost so bloody much.

when ds helpfully tells the stern immigration officer that he is (with American accent) a 'LOSER'

Other parents stare in horror as you rush to buy a doughnut just because your child asked for it verbally

Your DS doesnt know how to tell you he is hungry, thirsty or tired, but he has a way of letting you know he would like to be swung around by his wrists and ankles.

when you find your friends NT DC's totally wierd because they can talk and do as their told!!

Oh god I use TV/DVD (or rather NOT seeing TV/DVD) as bribery/concequence for just about everything.

I don't think that makes as bad parents does it? It just means we know how to manipulate our children. Nothing worng with that! After all, they have been/will be manipulating us for years to come!!

when you're genuinely excited that ds has flooded the bathroom cos it means he has at last worked out how to turn the tap on

when after you swore you'd never do food bribery you beg your ds to do a poo on the loo with the offer of chocolate fingers ( not working btw)

Finding that DS can wear the same t-shirt for two days on the trot because he actually managed not to get his tea down the front is cause for celebration. He is nearly 9

Constantly apologising to other people because DS is getting in the way/bumping into them whilst pacing the aisles of Sainsbury's flapping.

having to reopen the window every night in DS's room because he has closed it despite us having a heat wave and his room being like a furnace. And he has to wear socks at all times so it isn't like he is chilly.

bunnyrabbit - with you on the 'use your knife and fork' one too.

oh yes i encourage the flooding of bathroom after 18 mths os water phobia lol

LOL at automatic door!

When you know exactly where your DC will be when you enter any shop with a screen of any sort, even if just showing adverts/cctv/blank!!!

BR

When you feel secretly happy that Ds has been able to work out how to get in the bread bin rather than be angry that there is bread all over the floor and he has eaten some even though he is GF.

YOu are so happy that he has fianlly after 2 years, got over his phobia of water, that you dont care if he practically floods the bathroom when splashing in the bath or playing with the taps (infact you encourage it ).

LOL Chops, that made me giggle. We done the same last year.

When you don't panic that your DC is darting towards the doors at Tesco, because you know he will stop and play with the automatic door and not bolt out into the busy road outside.

When christmas preparations involves three weeks of looking at photos of presents and trees to hopefully avoid last years reaction of hiding in a corner away from those Evil Presents and Decorations!

when you try and excite your ds with the idea of a great fun filled family holiday, but it's just met with loads of shouting and screaming.

Givemesleep, my ds does the nose in eye socket thing!

when you have to speak over your child on certain words

pumpkin= cuntin

top =cock
clock=cock

big clock=big cock

when you have to read a whole book of disney car characters 180 5 times a day {until it accidentley got lost }

when you find yourself muttering to yourself when out and realise your alone ooh look at this thats a big dog isn't it looks around ds at pre school

{its all the language repeating i had to do i do it all the time now and cant stop lol}

When you spend all your time trying to take care of your DS and then you hurt them.

LOL at loads of these!

When it seems entirely normal to allow your 5 year old to wear trousers, sweatshirt, coat, socks and boots to school in the middle of a heatwave.

When you find yourself giving everyone instructions to avoid the gate/wall/pole/other people/bags then realise that you don't actually have your SN child with you, the one who is like a human pinball.

When you get incredibly excited because your 5 year old said bugger. Well she meant 'bubble' but who cares it came out wrong, it's A NEW WORD"!!

When you have spent the last two years perfecting the art of making furniture, boxes etc looking exactly like a tardis and suddenly everything has to look exactly like superman [even though DS doesnt know exactly what a J or a B looks like]

When you get a kiss on the lips from your 6 year old and you cry because he has only ever leant his head forward before.

When every door in your house has one of those security chains at the top of it because bolts are far to easy to work out!

When you hear the sound of furious obscenties flying over the garden wall because your DS has yet again lobbed something hard and dangerous into the air because 'I dont know why mum'

You welcome visitors into the house, lock the door and hide the keys!

You know the number of every local lampost

A vax is part of your annual budget

You know the exact second, by sound, that your ASD son will be compelled to flush the toilet for a second time.

You no longer think sleep deprivation ends 5 years after last birth

when you sit in a meeting not thinking thathaving a 4 year old licking your face is somewhat unusual

when you celebrate a first tantrum (Ds3, about 2 mionths ago LOL0

when you spend more time in school meetings than anywhere else bar home

when the SENCO says she will be sad when your boys go up as you have so many contacts and ideas (!)

when you walk through town with ds3 singing loudly like a drunk and getting looks at think its fab that you can understand some of it

when the word cheesy is normal background sound
PMSL at food behind drawers, errant poo, loo roll....

when you quite like the quirky 'nose kiss' (putting nose onto closed eyelid!) even though a normal kiss on the cheek was what was expected

and when everyone stares in the playground.

i think makaton for ordering drinks is more than acceptable, especially if you want: Juice. Red Juice. Big red juice.

Totalchaos I too shared your joy at ds's first lie (he was 13) and do remember punching the air with joy when he said "bloody hell" as it was used appropriately and the first two words he put together. Got lots of strange looks as I clapped and said "good talking Jack"

( I love this thread)

sorry,he'sAspieandverycleverinsomewaysbutreallylikedealingwitha2yoalotofthetime

myspacebarisbug gered

whentheY6teacherwhohasofferedtogiveyour6yoonetoonesciencelessonshastowaitforfifteenminuteswhileyouha veapitchedbattlewithhimoverputtinghisbloodyshoeson[today]

when your child's first lie is a glorious mile stone. oh and when you aren't too bothered if your child swears as any context appropriate speech is seen as GOOD THING.

When you scan the room/cafe/retaurant/friend's kitchen looking for errant tags at mealtime - or you absent-mindedly tuck the tags out of sight on your friend's cushions during coffee

When you have five kids but live in the quietest house in the street, all tv's on teletext, all music on headphones and anything said in anything more than a loud whisper is met with tears and "you shouted at me"

LOL fio....

When you have to watch every DVD to the end of the credits and watch the menu through one time before the telly is switched off.

Aww Fio, I wish you were my friend

You walk down the street saying "Watch out for the lamp post!" "Mind the bin!" and "Watch out for the pram!" - before you remember that your accident-prone ds1 is actually at school.

when you stroke your friends hair on accident

I often think the makaton vocabulary is woefully short of Words Needed To Order Drinks In Loud Pubs.

when you use Makaton to communicate with your dc or your dh through windows or in noisy place

omg, i thought everyone did the countdown thing

When you automatically say 'use your knife and fork please' at regular intervals when you sit at the table to eat, even if you are not with DCs !!!!

When you constantly give 5, 2 and 1 minute wanring for ABSOLUTELY BLOODY EVERYTHING to anyeon within earshot!!

5inthebed: Dingle Dangle scarecrow also makes an appearance when walking past black cabs , me singing loudly, DS4 clutching his ears tightly... does make me wonder what other people think my son thinks of my singing.

ooh, funny you should mention curtains, i was only thinking last night that i might try velcro as i was looking at the limp hanging one with only 2 hooks left unsnapped.

when the errant poo is found, and you get excited at poo on the bathroom floor, at least its in the right room this time

when you are running on so little sleep that your DC's logic of food/plate placement makes total sense. And you shout loudly in a cafe with desperate urgency "NOOOOO!!! DONT LET THE BEANS TOUCH THE SAUSAGE!" followed innocently with "have any other food that is red and round?"

You plan your route somewhere that involves the least amount of drainpipes

...it's impossible to walk past a bin without peering in to investigate the contents, a lampost without licking it, or railings without swinging off them.

Snort @ "You KNOW there is no barking at the table"

You walk around a busy supermarket singing "jingly jangly scarecrow" full pelt with full actions, and only realise you're doing so when other kids (not your own) join in

when your 9 year old insists he has to wear trousers, socks, jumper and fleece to school when the weather is hitting 30 degrees outside!

You don't bat an eyelash that your almost 6 year old is besotted with the Teletubbies and Nightgarden.

You are the one at the school gates with your kids breakfast hanging out of your hair, you look like you've just got out of bed when in fact you've been up for hours....

Can you tell i've had a bad morning

When nearly every morning you have to explain that even frogs have to get dressed for school!

you say night after night at the dinner table in a genuinely FED UP voice - "You KNOW there is no barking at the table"

a drink involves tubes and becomes an 'event' in a cafe that has a hushed silence and an audience (which then makes you forget to check the connections and you end up soaked)
Or dd coughs and the water shoots back out of her tummy tube and fountains out of the syringe

when they are nicer than most other kids of their age!

when ds says " I broke the toilet seat" again you reply "Good talking" because ds said "i" instead of "you"

What a good idea ..velco the curtain up ...they are coming down daily!

you have tears of joy when dc says "want juice"

you can never find any loo roll (cause the dc's have been stuffing the bog with every one in the house).you dont have any ormiments(been destroyed by dc) you have multi coloured walls, at dc's height

Your 7y old Ds2 sets a personal best at Sports Day when he eats an ice lolly without dropping it.

your 14 months old dd takes less than 10 mins to feed herself with her fingers, and your 3 1/2 years old ds twiddle his spoon for 30 mins in front of a full plate.
DS is just so slowwww

lol re: syringes. Also, when all the numbers have worn off the syringes through years of use, but you can still accurately guess exactly where eg 5.5mls is.

In our house, ykwyhsncw...

You run a nice lukewarm bath for your offspring, in your stuffy bathroom, on the hottest day of the year. One of them shrieks and laughs and leaps into it. The other one just shrieks - because it's too cold.

The syringe thing made me chuckle. I was giving DD her codine in an oral syringe and I happened to glance away for a sec. She was NOT amused when it shot out of her [beautiful] nose.

I know I shouldnt of but I didnt arf larf.

When you open your handbag to reapply your lipstick and have a squirt of perfume (y'know, like most women do) to find only an assortment of hand splints.
DS is up to 4 now for different times/activities. We got rigid blue, rigid red, big softie and little softie.

for me, tonight........

when you open the wardrobe, and yet more clothes have their right arms hanging off due to the 'bad fairies<<argh>>

When you move the chest of drawers to hoover behind it you discover a mountain of food wrappers and half eaten squishy things that you think hope are apples.

You give up on curtain poles and velcro the buggers to the window frame instead

"Can you please stop licking the puddle" becomes ones of your every day sayings

when you join your dd in sniffing an assortment of books!

Be sure to use the 60ml variety, the syringe of choice for a enhanced soaking

when you think that 'hunt the errant poo' is an acceptable game to be played by all the family...

ah, yes, the very concise shot of syringes.

my children hate me for that<<mwhahahaha>>

hehehehehehe yeah

because you use syringes instead of water pistols