J had his first major meltdown last night, and it was a doozie. Ironically it began while doing something that usually calms him down ? homework ? and set him off on an hour?s rampage of screaming, punching, kicking and attempting to destroy the house. God, if this is what he?s like at six we could have no home left by the time he reaches ten.
J usually does a page each of his science and maths workbooks most nights, and I mark the first while he gets on with the second. He got a couple of answers wrong but I made the mistake of telling him so when he?d got himself focused on his maths ? and all Hell broke loose (I won?t be doing THAT again). The change was instantaneous and even though he knew that he?d lose his reward of playing on the computer if his homework wasn?t done, I still couldn?t bring him back down. I was then stuck with the predicament of whether or not I should relent and let him have his computer time regardless, but knowing J that would probably lead to him trying the same thing on regularly as he?s not averse to a bit of manipulation if he thinks he can get away with it. So I carried on, trying to explain to him that all we had to do was look again at the work and then the computer was his. No dice. This went on for an hour and his confusion and frustration were painful to watch ? he?d come and sit on my lap and hug me tight, while at the same time trying to push me away or thump me in the back. He obviously didn?t know what would help to make him feel better, other than the computer of course.
Eventually I ran a bath (as much for my benefit as his, I was utterly wiped by this time) and tried to persuade him that it might help to calm him down but he wouldn?t be coerced. Finally I suggested reading to him and he began to calm down. I promised that I?d finish off last night?s chapter of Goblet of Fire on the condition that he tried his best to settle down before we began ? bless his heart, he stood there holding my hands, breathing deeply and counted to ten! Unfortunately he expected to feel ?normal? again by the time he reached ten and when he didn?t he simply went ballistic again. Still, he kept trying and gradually brought himself back down to earth.
So we read, had a bath, talked a little about what had happened and we hugged and reminded each other how much we love each other. We reached a compromise that we would have ten minutes of playing a computer game together and he seemed happy with that, then we went to bed to read some more. He went to sleep calm and much happier.
Just before midnight he appeared beside my bed, crying and whimpering and saying that he felt sad but didn?t know why. He climbed in beside me and held on tight, but wouldn?t leave even after a comforting cuddle. In the end I had to go to his bed with him and lie with him until he fell asleep ? completely unprecedented.
This morning he couldn?t remember getting up in the night or feeling sad, but could remember the tantrum clearly. Even so he felt happy that it was over and seemed fine. Until he had the next tantrum, that is, again because he didn?t eat breakfast in time to play on the computer before getting ready. This wouldn?t have bothered him two weeks ago.
I?m astonished at how far things have deteriorated in the space of about four weeks. James never even had temper tantrums as a toddler, but suddenly they?re an everyday part of our lives and getting steadily worse. The only explanations I can think of are that perhaps his levels of fish oil have dropped significantly now that he?s been off them for three months, or that his condition has deteriorated naturally.
I know this is nothing compared to what some of you have been dealing with for years, but it?s a significant step up for us and I just needed to offload. I reckon I truly am an AS mum now.
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First major meltdown - bit long, sorry
7 replies
KarenThirl · 10/03/2005 11:48
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