Dd getting pushed around at school and is now very upset.

[Marne]

Posted this in education www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2403/613314?ts=1222257177183&msgid=12496602 as i thought it was nothing to do with her AS, but now she has had a complete melt down and is hiding under her table.

She was a nightmare walking home from school and i ended up telling her off and taking her sticker (which she was given at school) away because she was rude to my neighbours little girl (probably because she was upset about what happened at school)

I feel auful

[amber32002]

SO difficult for us (people with AS) to know who to be friends with and how to be friends. And it sounds like the school may have to do something to help sort this out too. I wonder if there's a 'social story' that could help your daughter understand what's happening and how she can work out what to do and not do?

Meantime, sounds like you need a cuppa...

[Marne]

We have just had a big hug and i have explained to her that maybe its best to find another best friend like (a little boy that realy likes dd)

I have told her to stay out of this girls way and play with someone else, she still seems confused.

Its so hard, how do i explain to her that people think differently to her?
On the way home my neighbours little girl walked infront of dd1, dd1 had a complete meltdown (screeming, crying and shouting at the little girl), when we got home i calmed her down then she gave me a hug and said'i just wanted to be in front and win mummy', i tried to explain that i needed her to walk with me and dd2 and it was'nt a race but she was already upset about school and got realy upset.

[iamafitmama]

Hi Marne - hope you don't mind me asking, but is your daughter diagnosed with AS? does the school know?
What were the ringing bells that prompted you to believe she was AS?

The behaviour you describe is my niece to a T, but I always tought it was typical 4/5 yrs old behaviour...

[Marne]

Hi, dd is in the final stages of getting diagnosed, we have been told by the pead, hv and speach therapist to expect a dx of AS.

We first noticed the signs whilst she was 2.5, these included;

Anxiety
Phobia of certain people (mainly females)
High IQ
Hates change in routine
Very sensitive to load sounds (ie, the hoover)
Fussy eater
Poor sleeper

We took her to the HV about her phobia of females just thinking she was sensitive, she was then refered to the pead who suspected AS, we are waiting for a dx which should be in the next few months.

The school have been informed through me and the pead and are aware that dd can be sensitive, they seem to be handling her well, if she gets upset they take her to a quite place to calm her down (this has happened a couple times, once after this girl has pushed her).

Im always unsure which parts of her behaviour is the AS and which is just normal 4/5 year old, she has a big thing about winning evrything and being infront of people whilst walking, evrything is made into a race and if she does'nt win she has a meltdown to the extent where she's almost sick.

The trouble is the more she crys, screems and moans the more other children wind her up.

[iamafitmama]

thanks - didn't mean to hijack thread, but I wasn't sure why you said she was AS....

Many autistic/aspergers traits can also be explained as little child's behavior - the problem is if the child grows up and keeps these behaviour traits, so the diagnosis is normally done at 6yrs.

This is what they have told my sister in law when she's expressed some concerns to the GP. They said my niece (who's 5 btw) was too young and not to worry unnecessarily and wait for her to grow out of this behaviour. I must say that she doesn't have meltdowns though, i.e. she does all you detail (it's amazing how similar they are) but then suddenly stops crying and starts doing something else, or will stop crying if bribed... i.e. if you stop complaining and crying we'll read your favourite toy/cook your favourite food etc etc...

[Marne]

Thats ok, when dd has a melt down it can go on for over an hour, no bribe or change of subject will snap her out of it, sometimes it is very upseting as she shakes and struggles to breathe as she's crying so much. Sometime something as simple as giving her the wrong coloured cup can set of a meltdown. Some doctors don't like to diagnose until the child is older as they can grow out of the traits, dd has improved with her fear of noises and her fear of females but she still shows alot of traits.

[twocutedarlings]

iamafitmama,

What the GP has told your sister is wrong!! My DD is just 6 and was officially diagnosed with AS at 4.

Marne, i would tell your DD to stay away from the little girl for the time being, starting will have been traumatic enough for he little mite. Tell her to stick with this little boy thats taken a liking to her, my DD will only play with the boys at school the girls are just to complexed for her. .

[twocutedarlings]

starting school will have been traumtic, for the little mite!!

[coppertop]

Iamfitmama - Ds2 was given a provisional dx of AS at 2yrs old, and it was made official a year later.

Marne

The tiredness from being at school is probably making it feel more difficult for your dd1 too. School seems to take up a lot of energy for the Reception children. Even ds2 (Yr1) has been more tearful and tired this week. If dd1 is finding it particularly difficult atm then it's definitely worth speaking to the teacher about. They will usually give another talk to the class about how important it is to be kind to each other. They should hopefully also keep a closer eye on dd for a while.

[Marne]

She went to school fine this morning, there was no sign of the other little girl. Dd1 seems to have made alot of friends, most of them being boys and older than her. At the moment she seems happy enough but i'm just worried that it wont last if this girl keeps pushing her.

Its so tempting to tell her to push her back, dd has'nt got a bad bone in her body so wont stand up to her.