DS2 has AS, is DS1 on spectrum too? (a bit long, sorry).

[allytjd]

Always said (to myself and family) that something was not quite right with DS1, but was always told I was worrying over nothing. When DS2 was given a working DX of AS when he was 6 it crossed my mind that DS1 might be on spectrum too, but he is so different from DS2 that I dismissed it. However after reading more (books and mumsnet wisdom) I am beginning to wonder again...The story so far...

DS1, emergency C sec for foetal distress but seemed OK. Clingy, fussy baby, v. lively, loved bouncing.
Truly epic tantrums, lots of speech but hard for anyone but me to understand until @4. Had his hearing tested at 4 cos he had to sit right in front of telly with volume turned right up (still does at 10!) and didn't always react to his name or follow verbal instructions well.
V. fidgity. constantly squirming and hanging upside down on sofa. Clumsy and disorganised but very persistant. V rigid about routines and sticking to plans but very disorganised and poor understanding of time. Still not good at sharing and does not respect personal space. Very shouty and intolerant of younger brothers but cannot leave them alone. V. shy and self-concious in public (except when having tantrum when younger). Hates to be alone(scared to be in room by himself and has v. bad vertigo, v. squeamish). Has friends but does struggle with the complexities of friendship and was obbsessed with one boy to the detriment of other relationships for a long time. Difficult at home, but very well behaved at school although teachers have always felt that he underperforms academically (although they never seem to know what to do about it!), his spelling is dreadful, reading pretty good, maths finally starting to improve.
Bites nails, chews clothes and also dribbled a bit until he was @8.
Definitely emotionally immature and lacks empathy to a degree! his needs must always be met or else!
Has lax joints, eats like a horse but v. skinny and had loose bowels for years (so did DS2 but not DS3 the NT one).
I have made him sound awful but I love him and am very proud of how hard he tries at school even if he often drives me mad, he is my PFB!
What do you mums of more than one boy on the spectrum think? DS1 is highly resistant to any tiny hint that he may be a bit like his brother and would be v. unc0-operative to any assesment. Should I speak to DS2's ed-pysch?

I feel I may be able to be more patient with him if he turned out to be on spectrum too.

Sorry about the epic post , have been worrying for years, feels good to write it all down.

[Seuss]

It wouldn't do any harm to mention your concerns to ds2's ed-psych. Even if he is on the spectrum he is obviously coping quite well with everyday life but it's a shame if he's trying really hard at school but is not reaching full potential because of something undiagnosed. Speak to someone(I guess you know all the people from ds2) sounds like you've been worrying too long already.

[coppertop]

I would speak to the Ed Psych if you can. Whenever I've seen a pro for one child, they've always asked if I had any concerns about my other child(ren). That was how ds2 (AS) got into the system at such a young age.

I obviously don't know if your ds1 is on the spectrum but there are some similarities with my two boys:

Ds2 (AS) is the fidgety one who spends a lot of time hanging upside down or bouncing around. He hates being in a room alone and won't go upstairs unless someone else is with him. He crowds other children and has no understanding of personal space. He got a bit obsessive about a particular child too.

Ds1 is the skinny one who has bowel problems. His body is quite floppy. His organisational skills are slowly improving but he still has problems.

I think that if he's being affected by these things then you should speak to someone about it. Even if you decide not to go for a dx you can still probably get some help with the individual issues. It may also help the school to come up with some strategies to help him.

[allytjd]

Thanks coppertop and seuss, its great to be able to discuss these issues in detail with people who understand; at the weekend I was at a barbeque with friends and the women all ended up discussing children, as they do, after discussing the very brainy but socially "stuffy" child of someone not present they proceeded to declare that they wouldn't mind if their kids weren't that bright as long as they were socially able (easy to say when your kids are clever), one old friend then said that "some kids are "remedial" socially and she was glad her kids weren't"! I ended up weeping silently in the corner until i calmed down by which time the conversation had moved on, but nobody noticed or realised they had been tactless. I admit that i was feeling sensitive that evening as they had all been comparing notes about the induction day at the private school up the road which their kids have got into, this school would almost certainly not take my kids as it is over-subscribed and can cherry pick easy, bright kids. It would probably not be the best place for my kids but I couldn't help having that "only kid not invited to the party feeling". Never mind prob' moving soon to other town with nice small ASD friendly high school and will have nice house as not spending every last penny on school fees!.
Thanks again
PS Coppertop, are you a redhead? I am faded auburn but DS1 and DS2 have lovely coppery red hair, makes them easy to spot in a crowd when they run off!

[coppertop]

Oh the irony of those people talking about the importance of social skills while simultaneously demonstrating that their own are obviously lacking.

Ds is a copper top. I think it's nature's way of trying to keep him a little more safe. He's far too easy to spot in crowds to be able to get into too much trouble without anyone noticing. These days mine is a reddy brown colour but used to be a coppery colour. Friends always said it made it really easy when we were meeting up in crowded places.