Children with SN - participation in church services and other worship etc

[SixSpotBurnet]

I've been asked for help by someone who works for Barnardo's and who is doing a project on inclusion of children with SN in worship etc .

I've just jotted down a few things that seem to be to be barriers to inclusion - this is just about autism as that's what I know about. I'd really like some more input though, so if anyone has the time, I'd be very grateful!

? Environment ? children with autism often have a very strong dislike of strange/new environments. It is often difficult to get my son even to enter a new and unfamiliar place.
? Noise ? many children with autism are hypersensitive to noise ? organ music being the obvious example in a church context.
? Music ? children with autism often love music (although perhaps not loud organ music!) and react positively to it ? however they may become very upset when the music finishes!
? Lighting ? children with autism may have strong dislikes of both dark rooms, particularly those which are rather claustrophobic and don?t have windows and natural light, and rooms which are brightly lit with artificial light particularly if it is of the harsh, strip light variety.
? Joining in ? children with autism are unlikely to want to join in with group activities. Even children who are quite high functioning (such as children whose diagnosis is Asperger Syndrome rather than ASD) are likely to find this difficult, at least at first.

[Cappuccino]

disabled toilet for Sunday School - also provision for SN children in Sunday School

vicar ok with leaving walking frame/ wheelchair in aisle when children in pews

[MannyMoeAndJack]

Some SN kids (such as my ds!) don't understand when they have to be quiet or that they have to sit but these characteristics make inclusion tricky at non-religious settings too.

[KarenThirl]

My ds with AS has turned into the most hideous atheist, simply won't tolerate mention of God or any reference to religion. Dh and I don't have any named religion as such but we do have spiritual beliefs and have always taught ds to be tolerant and accepting of other people's choices, but he just doesn't get it. As far as I'm aware, he hasn't been too outspoken in school assemblies etc but I can see how similar behaviour would be extremely offensive in some situations, so maybe that could be added to the list

[Davros]

I've been to a boy with ASD's barmitzvah and I know another disabled boy (who does not have ASD) who has had one. He is not hf but verbal with poor articulation and the classic lack of social understanding. I think it took a lot of work and compromise and, of course, he was accompanied by his father as all Barmitzvah boys are.

[cyberseraphim]

We are hoping to get DS1 baptised soon so will have to think about all these issues. If they agree to baptise his helicopter first, he might be fine....

[r3dh3d]

What do we struggle with ...?

All the getting up and down is a pain. Either you stand and sit (and stand, and sit) all service, carrying DD1 (which does your back in) or you sit throughout and receive furtive pitying glances for the entire service.

The service is generally punctuated by pauses for contemplation and private prayer. Which DD1 feels is best filled with ear-splitting screeches. "And now, let us all just take a moment to ... EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK!!! EEEEEEEEKKKK!"

She doesn't like cold. Cold places make her scream. See above.

The tendancy in our church is to have a break-out "children's church" (sunday school in reality) and the assumption is that the disruptive kiddies will go to that. This leaves the more sober adult congregation to have a much gloomier service undisturbed in the main church. If, however, the children's church isn't inclusive enough for your child (and, though they mean well, it is not) you are left in the adult part of the service and thus feel 100 times more embarrassed about any disruption.

The thing I find hardest tbh though isn't the logistics of it. It's the theology. The whole experience of the service is based around informing and cultivating your personal relationship with God. If you have a child with SLD or a serious social/communication disorder ... you really start to question whether any part of this religion is appropriate for them; if it's all about your "relationship with God" is this something that they are capable of having at an acceptable level, and if not, has your child any value or validity in a Christian context? In practice there's a bunch of stuff about "grace" in Christian theology which according to my dim understanding sort of squares that circle - but it's not particularly fashionable and every service works on the strong assumption that the target market is 100% NT and firing on all cylinders.

[KristinaM]

our Ds used to really enjoy our church services. he loved music and would laugh or scream with pleasure during it. especially when anyone was singing a solo! Our church is newly built so is wheelchair accessible and has a proper acessibel toilet

one member ( a man in his 20s) who has Downs Syndrome often reads the Bible in the service and leads prayers

most churches i kwow have induction loop systems so i dont think children would need to sit at teh front. unless they wanted to. we also have the hymns for each service on paper in large print for several members who need this ( otherwise they are on an overhead screen so not easy for everyone to read)

most children at our church ( including ours) are not quiet so the children mentioned here would fit in well

[KristinaM]

re the theology of it ...here are the words of Jesus

"The people brought children to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. The disciples shooed them off.

But Jesus was irate and let them know it: "Don't push these children away. Don't ever get between them and me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in."

Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them."

Mark 10.13-16

[magso]

I used to take ds to the midweek church toddler group which included a very short service on the carpet in the church - which worked well. The service bit was geared to very young children. A bit of noise and exploration was tolerated. Attempts to join in were welcomed.
The problem came when attempting Sunday service - Ds may be older but as he has LD his interests (such as the lovely echo and the hiding places under the seats)understanding, and ability to sit still and quiet has moved on only slowly!
To make a service accessible and welcoming for my ds, it would need to be short, with elements at his level and for his interests! The ever open door is a bit of a worry for escape prone children!

[lottiejenkins]

Hi as the mother of a deaf child, i would add that a signer and access to a "loop system" would be good!!!

[cyberseraphim]

r3dh3d

I understand what you mean but in some ways christianity is the most anti intellectual religion in that scholarship and book learning are seen as a poor substitute for a real relationship with God. This is illustrated in the story of Damaris - an ordinary woman who overheard St Paul preaching to Athenian philosophers who laughed at and rejected his teachings. Damaris asked St Paul if she could be baptised into the faith. The story contrasts the shallow wisdom of the world with the simplicity and the beauty of God's truth. If might be that a child with SN can't ask all the deep questions but those who can ask them but choose not to are living a very limited life - IMO. I suppose the services target the NT market because they are the ones who need to be targeted because of their special needs - that their 'understanding' gets in the way of faith.

[tortoiseSHELL]

Our local church has several people with SN who come. They cope in different ways - the service is loosely structured, with 5 hymns. In between the 1st and 2nd hymn is a children's address. This is normally 5-10 mins. The children all go out to Sunday School after the second hymn, which means they have been in the main church for about 20 minutes in total (which is certainly enough for my kids!). One of the people with SN goes at this time - I don't know exactly what he has, but I think it may be something like autism, and this is about how long he can cope with. It is also part of the service with fewer quiet moments, as all of the children are in. Other people sit at the back with their carers (these are adults), and they are sometimes a bit disruptive but actually nobody minds - they are part of the church. They don't come every week - maybe once a month or so.

Speaking as someone who works in the church, I wonder if the key is to be welcoming to all, but to have an area where people can take their children if necessary - maybe a quiet area away from the main church where they can relax a bit more if they're finding the main church stressful.

[sphil]

I think we were very fortunate. The church we used to attend (before we moved west) was very traditional, mainly elderly people but very much based in the local community. One of the church wardens has special needs and regularly reads lessons etc. DS2 had been there since he was a tiny baby and so people there got to know about his autism at about the same rate as we did! There was never a moments tension about him making noises or (his favourite) standing up in the pew during hymn singing, facing the person behind him and staring intently with his fingers in his ears . I really miss it - everyone there made both DSes feel special, in the best sense of the word.

Have to say that we haven't been to church once since we moved here. I think I'd worry it wouldn't be the same. l guess church may be more more about people and atmosphere than God for me

[SixSpotBurnet]

Thank you all so much - this is really great. Will print this off and give it to the guy.

He has a (physical) disability himself and the church we both attend has no ramp etc for wheelchair access so the poor guy is well-versed in physical barriers to accessing worship .

[SixSpotBurnet]

Thanks Fio - I'll send him a link to that (and will ask him if he has already seen it).

[getbackinyouryurtjimjams]

I would never take ds1 to church (not sure if that's helpful!) well not to a service anyway. Unless he was allowed absolutely free rein to wander (with me following him) I just couldn't see it working. Maybe I'm underestimating him - he does school assemblies- but add in a new building....

He loves church buildings though. Likes the acoustics. He sort of yelps and coos his way round them listening to the echoes.