Different bond with DD and DS - could do with some advice/a back rub...

[Flamesparrow]

I feel horrible, and I hate saying it out loud (although I have done a few times on here because I feel like people should discuss these things iyswim - like not ignoring pnd).

DD - I love her to bits. She is my little girl, my first baby etc. But I don't feel the same bond I do with DS.

I was terrified of having a boy. I had always had this image in my head of two little girls and I couldn't comprehend me with a boy, I know girls, I have been a girl, boys are complete unknowns to me.

DS came, and it took a good couple of months for me to love him as my son rather than my baby (does that make sense?), but then it clicked and I remember that overwhelming sensation of "He is my son".

Fast forward 2 years.

DS is very very cuddly, velcro baby and mummy's boy. Always has been one to be held to sleep, touching me etc. He cries and I cuddle him.

DD on the other hand, possibly an AS thing, possibly just "her" has never been one for cuddles from me (the only person she really snuggles with is my mum). She falls and I pick her up and dust her off, but never that same cuddling her in, mummy can fix anything kind of thing.

I feel like there isn't that loving connection (kind of like loving someone but not being "in love" with them). I went on honeymoon for a week when she was 2 and left her behind, i missed her like crazy and sobbed half the time, but I left her. I would never even think about leaving DS for that long... maybe that is just power of hindsight.

I don't know. I just have this horrible feeling that she is going to grow up feeling like mummy prefers DS

I don't know how to fix this. I love her so much, but I don't know how to show her.

[mshadowsisfab]

or it could just be the mum/son thing.
i do believe mums and sons have a special bond and for some reason it is built in us to expect girls to cope.
trouble is when sn comes in and mixes it all up.
you say you missed her and cried. sounds like love to me.
she will know you love her because I bet you show it in a million ways. you just might not think you do cos she isn't cuddly.

[coppertop]

Flame



I bet you anything that your dd will know that you love her. Some children do cuddles etc and some just don't (personally I hated them and felt a bit trapped by them). It's obvious just from reading your MN posts that you really love her. If we can see that just from words on a screen then I bet your dd can tell from being around you.

[Flamesparrow]

It didn't occur to me that it could be mum/son thing too. He is very much "my boy" iyswim.

Thank you I do tell her I love her oodles (she has decided she likes knowing love in the form of a number - currently "I love you 59" evokes "Wow, that's a lot!" )

Just having a bit of a wibbly day I think

[Flame]

I have had 4 spontaneous hugs today

[Flame]

That is a good point about him being my baby. I think I will have more, but not 100%. In the meantime, he was b/f for 9 months longer, he has stayed tiny and much younger in his personality than she was at this age.

I am trying to have more one to one time with DD - I think it will help both of us.

for your DS1 - that sounds painful I saw your thread asking for parents of teens, but obv have no advice!!