desperate wife of aspie dh seeks help

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aagh!going mad quietly here!husband angry all time.he obsessed with walking so much so that any spare moment he wants us all to go with him.we dont want to as past experience tells us it will be too far and for too long.he gets very angry if we say no and sulks for 4 days.if we go and moan he gets angry.afterward,if you dont say you enjoyed it then that makes him angry aswell.
he tries all kinds of blackmail and bribery to get us to go.
if he takes me to do something which is rarely then he mentions it like banging a book on my head for months and uses it as blackmail.he also dangles carrots in front me and takes them away again as punishments.
he has no comprhension that he is angry all the time and cannot discuss anything with me.he upsets me or the kids then wonders why we distant!!

[bullet123]

Speaking as someone with Aspergers myself, I will say that trying to stop his obsessions (as you know already?) is very very difficult. However, this does not mean you should be subjected to his blackmail or sulks. His obsessions are important to him, they are not necessarily important to you.
Could you explain that you are willing to compromise? That he can go on some walks on his own and you will accompany him on some walks, but that your own interests/work ensures that walking with him to the extent he wants is not a possibility. Compromises have to happen.

[ancientmiddleagedmum]

Very difficult for you, though I know what it's like to become obsessed about walking, as I recently got into it and get annoyed if I can't do my walk. That said, the rest of you shouldn't have to join him in his obsession - why not try logic on him as follows : most husbands do their exercise alone, as a way to unwind at weekends etc without family (eg at gym, or golf with a pal) so he should see his walking as that kind of hobby too and you others should come along as an exception rather than a rule. Perhaps logic would appeal to him better than emotion - it must be very hard. I find with my DH (not aspie, but a man!!) I have to labour a point again and again and make him understand very clearly and sometimes uncomfortably how something annoys me - it is almost like behavioural therapy, he has to get a negative consequence from a behaviour or else he just keeps repeating it! The anger is hard for you though - I do feel for you.

[WedgiesMum]

There was an article about couples where one of the partners has AS in the Sunday
Telegraph magazine last Sunday (6th April) which had some contacts for couples counsellors who specialise in this. I'm not sure if the article is available online but will do a check, not sure if I can do a link as am useless at that kind of stuff. Also you might try the NAS helpline as they are seeing a rise in partners of AS adults who are trying to maintain their relationships and I think they are getting quite experienced at helping.

Have lots of sympathy/empathy here as have DS who is ASD and DH who is undiagnosed but we know is somewhere on the spectrum. If you wish to CAT me to chat please do.

Going to try and find that link.......

[WedgiesMum]

this is it

It says in the article to contact the NAS for a list of counsellors.

HTH