Blossomhill......... or anyone with experience of ASD/Aspergers esp if in your dds.........help please

[HotelChocolat]

It's Aero here with a namechange. Will probably change back at some point!

We had our initial appt today at short notice. I've felt sick all day, first with nerves, then with shock. Firstly that the doctor listened to me and that he recognised that dd has significant problems (huge relief about that). Secondly, that I felt AD/HD symptoms I've read about 'fitted' her so well, that despite good advice and wise words given here, I'm to admit that I hadn't really given much consideration to the possibility of ASD/Aspergers. I think it's because she is a very affectionate child though and has no issue giving/receiving affection.

It went well in that dd 'performed' in a suitably distractible way. He asked lots of questions and I filled him in and he also did some tests on her. I found it all quite overwhelming tbh, and heartbreaking when I noticed how she didn't meet his eye once the whole time he was interacting with her.

Also, I had no idea the problems at school were as significant as they are. He will see us again in six months and in the interim, things will be going on in the background whilst investigations continue and dd will be put on various programmes at school in order to help improve her learning and social skills.

At the moment though, he's thinking along the ASD/Aspergers lines rather than AD/HD, but obviously she cannot be dx'd in one appointment. I'm not sure as although her social problems are significant, she's very affectionate and communicates well with adults on a one to one basis. Also, she does play imaginative games (although didn't when younger) with her friend and their dolls which dosn't quit fit the ASD symptoms.

Oh, I don't know. I'm hanging in there and because so much of what she does/says fits with everything I've read regarding AD/HD, I'm not sure what to think. The good thing is though that it was obvious her problems are most definitely not insignificant and things are in place to help her and make a dx

[redwino]

Hello,
I,m new to posting.
I work as learning support to a girl with ASD and as you probably kniw it is less common in girls than boys.
You DD sounds a lot like the child I work with.
I have been with her since Reception year and she is now Year 3. Have done various courses too so although I don't claim to be an expert I do have more knowledge of this than most!
These children can be so rewarding in many ways and many have real talents in some areas. eg. art, music.
There is an excellent autsism website with many booklets and links as well as details of local support groups.
How old she now and what are the school doing to support her?
Let me know if I can help even if it is just someone to moan to!

[Peachy]

There's a girl in ds1's school with PDD and she is quite affectionate and I have certainly seen her chatting to her doll too- in fact she seems quite attached to it. ASd kids don't always tick all the boxes and I think the realisation of this takes some time I think.

DS1 can be quite affectionate with me on a 1-1 level and communicates well with me, but not other kids- its to do with him not feeling that he IS a child i thnk, he definitely views himself as an adult. He's OK with much younger kids too, he adores ds3 and I thnk will be besotted with ds4, but loathes ds2 witha vengeqnce (there's only a 13.5 month gap there).

DS3 is affectionate too- but on HIS terms. Actually we're introducing the HUG pec symbol this weekend after success with apple and banana, I bet he never ever uses it. I think its something he grudgingly gives to us rather than needs for himself, iyswim.

You know the NAS website by now i'm sure, ther's a chatroom I've heard of for parents of girls with spectrum disorders too, but obv girls and me aren't too well acquinated so someone else will ahve to direct you LOL!

Good luck- assessments are difficult times and come as a shock

[flyingmum]

Hi

Mine was very affectionate when younger and we did have to wean him off hugging his LSA and teachers when he was in year 6! All changed now he's a teenager (although, as he reminds me he's 'not going to be a grumpy teenager'). My son also had and still has an active imagination although a little limited. He and his much younger brother played for hours at the weekend hiding the two 'naughty' fluffy toys, snake and leopard' from rabbit and rabbit having to find them. He drives these games and poor old snake gets into lots of trouble. He is brilliant with his little brother (my son - not snake!!!). When younger (ie, about 3 onwards) he would make pretend cups of tea, cook stuff. I never forget the time when having watched a TV chef make a raised meat pie he toddled off and made the same thing out of playdoh. My son will also happily make eye contact with us although it does vary but won't with people he doesn't know very well. Also he is very astute at knowing he is being assessed and HATES it so shuts down. Our assessment also came as a huge shock and I hate assessments and people talking about him. He's just our rather splendid fellow who has many fantastic qualities but gets reduced to 'very complex' which then worries me senseless and I want to scream 'but he made the Christmas puddings all by himself!!!' (really yummy BTW)

Your little girl does sound rather like my chap, I have to say, and I have never felt that he fitted exactly into the HFA or Asperger's mold. He has very bad Dyspraxia, dyslexia, visual and auditory processing and semantic pragmatic S&L and sometimes I think it's a combination of stuff. As my mother described him accurately 'he's so very nearly 'normal' just not quite' and its like they are just a bit off kilter and at times completely yonderly.

All the best. I'll shut up and go and do something useful like put the endless amounts of socks away (do they breed?)

[Aero]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I did start another thread the same in my usual name and have had some helpful replies there too.

I just feel so glum about it all and am devastated really. I was so ready to fight for her to make them see something was wrong when I thought it wouldn't be obvious to a stranger (how dim am I?), and seeing her in the assessment broke my heart more than once. I wasn't really prepared for their suspicions to be much worse than I expected and I'm having a bit of trouble digesting that. Up until yesterday, all her quirky little behaviours were 'normal' for her and now it feels weird and despite us feeling strongly she had problems, they never seemed so big before. The hardest part is that this is a lifelong condition and nothing me or dh can do will ever make it go away. Am I making sense? I feel very muddled about all this.

[catok]

Aero - all her quirky little ways ARE normal for her! The words you're having to think about now are different for you and will feel that way for ages - even when you know loads about ASDs it's still a minefield working out which bits apply to your child.
Your muddle sounds oh so familiar - I feel it more as waves now. Sometimes DSs problems feel like a tsunami and I'm drowning while he is oblivious; other times there are little ripples and we're paddling!
Does all that metaphor make sense?
DS still chats to his cuddly tiger when he is stressed; but won't speak to me for hours.
And although I can't hug him when he's awake, I sometimes do when he's asleep..

[macwoozy]

Catok, truly wonderful the way you've described that.

[BreeVanDerCampLGJ]

Huge hugs my friend. Huge hugs...{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{...}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[Aero]

Thank-you Bree. Much appreciated. x

Catok, thank you for that post - sounds like a good metaphoric description and I'm sure I'll come to terms with this. I met with my good friend and fellow mner Cadbury this morning and she was helping to reassure me with her wise words (great gift of hers). It's the (probable) 'label' and the implications that come along with it and what the future holds for her that seem so overwhelming right now, but at the end of the day, she's just my little girl and nothing's changed really. It's just that a correct diagnosis will help us to help her, however little we want her to have the dx, she really will benefit from knowing what the problems are.

Redwino, Peachy and flyingmum, thank-you so much for taking time to post as well - it means a lot to me and I appreciate all your thoughts and input.

[sammac]

Have only just seen what you've been going through- I've not been around much- so apologies for being crap friend.

My neice has had a similar experience( she is 10) but it all makes sense now, and life is easier because of knowledge and understanding gained. My brother went through a whole range of emotions as well and didn't really want to speak about it at first, I think because it was all so new, yet it was their life at the same time. It's just all so much to take in at the one time. And I can assure you that she really is a lovely little girl x

[Aero]

Sammac, my dear, rest assured you're not a crap friend! Life just gets in the way sometimes (not to mention 500 odd miles or so). It's been a bit of a struggle recently I must say and tbh I can't remember the last time I signed in to msn and fb isn't getting much attention either! I am thinking of you often though.........maybe a spot of msn later and I pre-warn you I may partake of the rouge this evening and I also have a rubbish keyboard so posts might be tricky to read. Would be grand to catch up though.