xp threatening to cut money if he doesnt get his own way!

[midorimum]

my xp asked myself and ds (3.5) who is disabled to leave a year ago, it was his house he paid the mortgage and we were not married, it later transpired that he had been seeing someone else, who moved in shortly after.

he visits ds a few times a week at my house but only stays for a short time, 30mins to an hour.

he has said he NEVER wants to take ds, i think probably due to his disability as he never dealt very well with it, but does now want to take him as a "one off" for half an hour to meet his girlfriend, the one he was cheating with, so she can meet him and know who she is buying xmas presents for etc.

not entirely happy with this as ds will get absolutely nothing out of it, i would maybe have felt differently is xp had said he wanted him for a few hours or so then at least he would have got some "quality" time with his dad, but it purely seems to be a "show and tell" experience whereby he takes him over to meet her then brings him straight back.

also this is the thing we cant agree on, i dont want ds going back to "our" old house as im not sure how he would deal with that, and after much heated discussion i suggested that they come to my house so ds is in his own environment and i will go out long before they get there so there is no chance of me bumping into her, which is something he doesnt want, think hes afraid i will tell her what hes really like , my mum has agreed to let them in then vacate the premises etc.

i feel im doing more than i need to as xp has no paternal rights and lawyer i spoke to says i have no obligation to let girlfriend meet ds but still this isnt good enough for xp and he says she wont come to my house as she doesnt feel comfortable about it...ffs shes comfortable enough to sit in my old house using all my stuff, which xp wouldnt let me take! said i would get benefits and to just buy 2nd hand stuff.


she suggests they take ds to her mums or sisters, which to be honest im not too "comfortable" about and i really dont trust xp not to just take him to our old house as its easier for him.

we have reached a stalemate over this and hes now threatening to give me less money, if i dont do what he wants the way he wants it, he does at the moment give almost double what the CSA would say based on his self employed earnings but constantly brings it up. i dont currently claim income support and we seem to be managing ok, but not sure what would happen if he did cut our money.

any ideas, suggestions, anyone had a similar experience, what would you do?

[Blu]

What a horrible situation you are in - you poor thing. Well done in getting through the last year.

Would it not be possible for him to collect DS and take him to a cafe or park to meet this dratted gf?

I completely sympathise with your insistence that he shouldn't be taken back to DPs house.

Your ex sounds like a very blunt instrument, emotionally. It might just be possible that the dratted gf will be a better influence, and might understand what he has done if she meets the child he walked out on. If nothing else, it is probably better that she wants to meet your DS and buy him a Xmas peresent than is trying to prevent your ex from seeing him. Which some girlfriends might do - because the world never fails to come up with someone worse than the one you last thought of!

[deeeja]

If it was me, I would dictate what my ds would be comfortable with, and then say if it wasn't ok with xp, then ds does not need the present.
Then if he wants to cut the money, I would let him. You should claim income support, I think you get extra if a single parent, though not sure. Are you claiming dla and child tax credits? You might find that you can be just as comfortable, and then at least he can't control you like this.
Then go and get your stuff! Take him to court and claim half of the assets, or your stuff back.
What an arse he is!

[eidsvold]

what deeja said - is what I was thinking and said very eloquently.

[midorimum]

blu, i liked your cafe or park idea, sadly xp never liked being in those type of places with ds, think hes always too concerned what other people think, he even tried to discourage me getting ds a wheelchair instead of a buggy as it would look more obvious!

not entirely sure of the gfs intentions as she isnt happy about xp visiting ds at my house, apparently its like he has a "double life" altho im not sure what she expected when she got involved with him.

the xmas present thing is most likely down to xps lazyness as he would get me to get the presents in for his family to save him doing it so i imagine its the same situation rather than her wanting to buy him stuff, as when they went on holiday they didnt even bring ds anything back!

deeja, unfortunately i cant do anything about the stuff in the house as under scottish law as we werent married you only have a year to take it to court to claim half the contents back and stupidly i didnt rock the boat at the time as i wanted everything to stay as amicable as poss for ds sake.

[Blu]

Hmmm. gf less promising than i hoped, then.

But i agree - your DS's needs and sensitivities come forst, and if ex really can't accommodate his needs, then let him whistle. He is blackmailing you.