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ADHD teen lying about going out- what to do?

3 replies

tallulah · 23/09/2007 13:02

DS2 has just turned 18. He has ADHD so has never been out alone, but has just started going out with mates in the last few weeks. He has also got a long-distance girlfriend he met at summer camp, so he is on the phone all the time.

Today we get up to find no sign of him, and a note on the computer to say he's gone out, will go straight to work and needs picking up at 11pm. The cat woke me up at 7am so he must have gone before then. On a school day I'm dragging him out of bed at 8.15.

I rang him to find out what he's playing at. He sounds really shifty, says he told me yesterday he was going out (no he didn't) tells me he's in Canterbury and a voice in the background says "Canterbury?".

DH finds walking maps of London on the pc...

Now added to this he "doesn't have time" to go to any Uni visits for next year because he has to go to work, and "had to work" last night so couldn't go to a family party planned months ago (again didn't say until yesterday).

Bearing in mind that he isn't like a normal 18 year old in mentality. Mentally he is nearer 12. I did hiss at him on the phone that if he is suddenly able to go off alone like a normal person he won't need the DLA we claim for him being unable to do so (which he's counting on for next year) and he sounded suitably chastened.

How do I deal with this when he gets back? Obviously because he's 18 he's got this attitude that he can do what he likes, and legally he can, but turning 18 hasn't made the ADHD go away.

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Elasticwoman · 23/09/2007 16:50

If he's 18 you can't control his movements, whatever his mental age, I would have thought.

Sounds like you HAVE dealt with it by mentioning the DLA whatever that is.

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coppertop · 23/09/2007 21:01

I wish I had some advice but I have absolutely no idea about 18yr-ols. The nly thing I can think of is setting up some kind of system at home where he has to let you know in advance (at least a couple of days) if he's going out somewhere for longer than a couple of hours, including work. If he's expecting you to be on call to pick him up then it's only fair, even if he is legally an adult. Basically it comes down to a case of "If you want these adult rights then you also have to take some of the responsibilities that come with them."

Good luck.

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tallulah · 24/09/2007 18:48

Thanks.

I let him sweat until 5pm tonight.. He was contrite. We had tears- he knew he shouldn't have gone off like that. Fingers crossed he's learnt his lesson.

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