My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

SN children

Problems with Ritalin and being bullied....help! (long, sorry)

94 replies

Chocol8 · 08/10/2004 18:47

I wonder if I could pick your rather clever collective minds about a couple of things:

Firstly, my ds's school have reported that in the last fortnight or so that there is a "fluctuation in his behaviour" in the afternoons. I can't say that I have noticed this at weekends, but will monitor it this weekend. Apparently, he "fidgits, is unable to sit on carpet in one place, crawls around, shouts out and makes noises". I suggested it may be due to a growth spurt and his med may need to be increased, however I was not happy to do this until I have spoken to his consultant.

I am seeing his teacher next week to speak in more detail. However, the second thing is that my ds is being bullied.
Last week he was forcefully pushed from a standing position to the floor by his head and into a lying position. Then a "big boy" took a jump into the air balled himself up and landed on my ds's chest. He was unable to breathe in without sharp pain for quite a while and was obviously very distressed and upset.

I received a note telling me that he had a hurt himself on the chest but there was no bruising! For Gods sake he is all skin and bone with not an ounce of fat on him at all - especially on his breast bone. He did have a mark that showed up a few days later however.
Various incidents have happened more recently one where he had his shoes taken (don't ask me how) and he was left with just socks on on a muddy field. Today he was tied to a tree with a skipping rope and kicked. I am told that his teachers and dinnerladies are keeping an eye on him in the playground...yeah right! He wears a bright orange anorak for a very good reason ffs, to attract the dinnerladies attention incase he gets any hassle. It's obviously just not working.

I called to speak to the new headmistress as I know she has zero tolerance on bullying, but she was busy and I spoke to the monosyllabic deputy head who just said that they would not be taking action unless it happened again. He could not see (maybe cos he is male??) why I was so upset at the jumping on chest incident.

I realise that his peers cannot figure why he is different, they just can't work it out but they know instinctively that he is. He is such a friendly, helpful little soul (when on his Ritalin) and is having a really hard time understanding why his "friends" are hurting him and picking on him all the time. It seems to be the national passtime to pick on him at the moment! What can I do, what can I tell him? I feel like saying he should punch them back but I can't. How far should I take this? I told my ds that I am going to write down all that he remembers about the incidents and speak to his teacher about it. Should I insist that the headmistress is present when talking about this?

Any suggestions gratefully received, sorry it is so long.

OP posts:
Report
color · 08/10/2004 19:11

I would insiste on the headmistress being present.

Sorry can't add any more but wanted to bump this back up the active list. It is so horrid when any child is being treated in (putting it mildly) such a totally unacceptable way. Go for the headmistress in the hope this can be stopped immediately. Best of luck that it can be stopped quickly I could go on about the lack of supervision etc but had better stop now.

Report
Jimjams · 08/10/2004 19:19

See the head immdediately. This is not acceptable. Is he statemented? Or what level is he on- it sounds as if he needs a MTA assigned to keep an eye on him. Also ask the head about strategies for structuring playtime for him.

This sounds awful.

Report
Socci · 08/10/2004 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pixiefish · 08/10/2004 19:46

Bl@@@y Hell choc- this is horrific violent bullying- demand to speak to the head and if you have no luck go straight to the Local Education Authority- don't put up with it any more

Report
onlyjoking9329 · 08/10/2004 19:49

how awful, i would speak to the head the senco and anyone else involved, make sure you put it in writing too then send copies to everyone making sure the governers get one, dunno what you can say to your ds.

Report
Davros · 08/10/2004 19:54

I'd love to hide in a tree (wouldn't be easy ) and get those little fu**rs with my biggest and steely toe cappiest boot..... then that Dep Head, then their parents and any other relative just for good measure.
Probably best to follow the other advice here though

Report
jellyhead · 08/10/2004 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlemissbossy · 08/10/2004 20:12

OMG choc, that is dreadful ... I'm stunned
Yes insist on seeing the head and get this sorted out immediately. BTW when my dss was bullied I kept a diary of daily life at school - the good and the bad bits and gave it to his head to read. HTH

Report
mrsforgetful · 08/10/2004 21:43

just wanted to add my concerns to the others.
the skipping rope round the tree absolutely turns my stomach.

tom's not had real bullying as such but at the last school there were issues that i just felt were not sorted 'verbally'.

eventually i moved all 3 to another school....but i am not suggesting that ....yet!

2 things i think you should do.

  1. Draw a 'WORRY' spider with your son.
    Basically all this is is a large circle as the body with as many legs as he has worries....so on each leg write the worry.
    This helps him to express his problems....and will help you get a clearer picture too.
    when i last did this with tom he said things like THE TEACHER KEEPS SHOUTING/I CANNOT CONCENTRATE/IF SOMEONE IS NAUGHTY WE ALL GET PUNISHED. The result of me showing this to the teacher is that he now allows tom to work outside the class-when he needs to- and 'sometimes' when he is 'grounding the whole class' asks tom to run an errand- then invites him to use the computer room......not everytime- as the others would notice- but this 'little gesture' has really picked up his spirits!

  2. the other thing i'd advise is that as the others said you definitely need to see the SENCO/HEAD - but what i'd do (as i did at the old school) is put your thoughts on this into a letter and copy it to Head,Senco and class teacher. This will make sure you get their attention. Alot can be verbally admited but as soon as 'formailty' is introduced then they will have to be careful- and mean what they say

    I structured my letters by a) detailing the incident/concern
    b)describing how this affected child/how he percieved it/why he reacted or behaved as he did/etc...or whatever else semed relevent....even down to word by word explaining how my son takes what was said/implied literally.
    and then c) how this could be avoided or how he should be 'handled'

    Obviously- tailoring it to suit the issue...in your case with the bullying it's more a case of getting the supervision he needs- whether its as simple as 'spies/buddies' who 'shadow' him and as soon as they notice something amiss they sneak off to the teacher. Leigh was being pushed like a train around the playground the other day and his buddy noticed he looked scared- told the HEAD - who then took the 3 lads off the playground who were taking turns pushing him

    This may not be enough- but i would suggest you think up a couple of 'easy' suggestions- and then let them squirm why they cannot do xyz to help- then you hit them with the 'well if you cannot cater for his needs i will ask the LEA to advise'....well not in those words.

    As you are alone in all this contact the LEA anyway as they have a INDEPENDANT PARENT PARTNERSHIP/SUPPORT who can visit you and attend meetings at school with you to make sure you are not being trod on. THEY ARE NOT THE LEA....but they are useful. Anyhow i reckon the schools hate parents having anyone in the meetings like that- as they have to be REALLY CAREFUL what they say

    Anyhow- i'll finish now- i am getting very angry with your son's school!!!! And though you said your post was LONG....my reply is longer!!! OOOOH!
Report
pixiefish · 08/10/2004 22:33

Had a longer think on this choc. I think that you should contact the police- as jellyhead says this was an assault-even if all you do is chat to someone at the police station about it I think you need a record of a complaint. If this ever (god forbid) happens again then you need the first complaint to be recorded. Give your ds a big hug from me

Report
jmb1964 · 08/10/2004 23:03

OUTRAGEOUS Can't believe the school are so unconcerned about this.
I think the playground is an absolute jungle for children like ours - if he has to be out there with everyone else then he needs closer supervision, but wouldn't he be better off, at least for the moment, in a smaller and safer environment - our school has a'lunch club' which is excellent, and also they have recently staggered the break and lunchtimes so the whole school isn't out there all at once - constructive suggestions you could make perhaps?
I take my hat off to your ds for being able to face school at all - he must be a VERY BRAVE LITTLE BOY. Good luck.

Report
Skate · 08/10/2004 23:30

Regarding his Ritalin - is he taking a dose in school and that's why people know he is on it?

Is there any way he could change to a long-acting prep so he just takes one in the morning before school.

From my knowledge of Ritalin, it does tend to wear off by the school afternoon and I've heard a lot about 'deterioration of behaviour' in the latter lessons.

I've not got my kids in school yet and so probably not in the best position to advise on bullying but just thought I'd ask whether there was a solution to the Ritalin issue.

Your poor son - bullying makes me feel ill and I hope you can work something out for him soon.

Hugs to you.

Report
Jimjams · 08/10/2004 23:38

Skate's message has jogged my memory- could he be given concerta (spelling?) instead- isn't it longer lasting (my knowledgeof ritalin is patchy so apologies if I'm talking rubbish!)

Report
Skate · 08/10/2004 23:40

Concerta XL is once a day isn't it? And what about the new drug Strattera/atomexitine - that's definitely once a day but I don't know how widely available it is.

I think there's even a long acting Ritalin.

Report
unicorn · 08/10/2004 23:49

please forgive my ignorance here.. I have no history in this, and certainly don't mean to offend.

All I will add,is that kids can be bullies or hurtful regardless of the fact that other kids in the class may have SN... they are pretty also awful to the ones who don't!
There is no prejudice in bullying.
My dd (who is yr1) mentioned tonight about one of the lads doing flying kicks (power rangers?)
at her during play break.

Report
Chocol8 · 08/10/2004 23:58

Thank you for your replies and support for me and my ds - yes, he really is a brave little boy. He reminds me (for those of you old enough to remember them) of a Weeble. He keeps getting knocked down and keeps getting up again. Except my worry is that one day this won't happen.

I know I am biased, but he really is the most beautiful boy with big brown eyes and great long black eyelashes. I can't understand why anyone would want to hurt him. Socci, he is in mainstream school and not statemented as he is great academically, but not socially.

This weekend he said that he wanted to stay with me and not his w of a dad, but only after saying that he didn't want to upset his dad. This sort of thing is common with him - he wants to please everyone and in the end he is often the one who suffers for his kind thoughts.

Anyway, he is on Ritalin as when he tried Concerta it had absolutely no effect at all! That was not a pleasant week, I can tell you. I asked about Ritalin SR which apparently has the same make up at Concerta. I asked about Strattera as I had been following this from a long time ago in the national press, and it is a possibility. I have since heard from some one in the know that it does have some rather horrible side effects, but I need to give that one some more thought. I asked about Risperidone but my consultant said that she would only give it to children over 11.

He has a 10mg in the morning after breakfast (or I would not get him out the house) then 10mg after lunch (which is when they say they are having problems with him) and then 10mg at about 4pm at his childminders after food.

I really just think that his classmates know that they can get a rise out of him cos he is easy to wind up and manipulate, as he is so eager to please. He doesn't get it that they are being spiteful and horrible and the next day they are his "friends" again.

I will do as MrsF suggested and do a worry spider and make notes of the incidents, and make an appointment with his teacher, headmistress and if possible SENCO next week. I will try and arrange this for Friday as today was my last Friday at work as I cut my hours. Will have to inform IR tomorrow. By the way, will I be worse off for benefits or better?

Thanks again for your advice, I will let you know how I get on. I will also pass on the various hugs to my ds when he wakes up tomorrow. We're off to Camden and Covent Garden - can't wait!

I STILL don't think I have managed to match the size of MrsF's reply...darn it! x

OP posts:
Report
Jimjams · 09/10/2004 00:05

Hmm the bit where he doesn't realise they are spitefull horrible brats is awful isn't it? Heartbreaking to think that he sees them as friends. When you see the SENCO I do think its worth asking about something more structured for him during the lunchtime. Jmb's lunch club is a great idea and I know a boy with AS who does something similar every lunchtime at his school. I think he needs closer supervision whatever- may be worth asking about this.

Report
unicorn · 09/10/2004 00:21

Can I may butt in again..
A lot of the sn advice is really brilliant and also relevant for non sn kids..because kids often have sn at different times.. iyswim?

I interviewed someone once, an 'expert'on adhd
who reckoned if teachers taught everyone as if they had adhd,then the majority of kids at school would do ok. He believes the current teaching style and system is outdated.

btw chol8 - I have also spoken to someone who's son is on rispiridone (+ he is 9)so it can be done if it really is needed.

Report
mrsforgetful · 09/10/2004 10:27

UNICORN- yes i agree that most of what 'we' do with our SN kids would be great for NT too......I have read so many books now on 'coping strategies' etc that i sometimes feel like a walking encyclopaedia.....and feel quite strongly that parents of NT kids stop 'looking for advice' etc once their child 'Walks,Talks and sleeps through the night'!....as compared to us with SN who daily have to consult either Mumsnet,books,paeds etc to get over the latest hurdles!

Report
tallulah · 09/10/2004 11:28

Choc, my DS had Ritalin SR which meant he didn't have to take it at school (now on Concerta, which doesn't work for yours!). We had these sorts of bullying issues all through primary, culminating in one little sht of a kid lamming a football into DSs face & breaking all his (adult) teeth. To this day I wish we'd made more of a fuss & demanded a meeting with the parents but unfortunately we let it go after a written apology from the brat (& I know it was no accident* as he claimed).

I agree with the others about writing a letter to the SENCO Head & Governors. Please don't let it drop, or it'll keep happening.

Report
eidsvold · 09/10/2004 11:36

I would do as the others have suggested - write a letter copying to SENCO, LEA etc and then insist on a meeting with the Headmaster. I would also keep a diary of the incidents that occur - very helpful when school tries to claim things may not be as you say. I would also do as someone else has suggested and file a complaint to the police - that attack on his chest is assault and if it happened to an adult people would be in an uproar.

He sounds like such a bright brave little thing.... makes me sooo mad!!

Report
Chocol8 · 09/10/2004 17:42

Thanks for the great advice. Funnily enough, my ds's old childminder is the Chairperson of the Governors at his school, so may be able to get some background there.

We went to Camden and then (against my better judgement) to Hamleys...arghhhhh! What a nightmare. I am better able to see what the school mean about his behaviour - even I began to wonder if he had swallowed his tablet! He wasn't being "naughty" or disobedient, he just seemed incapable of listening and doing as he was told, and boy does he talk for England!!! Of course, it was rammed with people in Regent Street and Camden, and I didn't want to get separated. It will be a long long time before we go back again and certainly not before Christmas!

Anyway, we will sit down later and do a worry spider and make notes of what has been happening more recently at school so I have it as evidence. In the skipping rope incident yesterday, my ds told me that one of the little sods "wanted to scratch my eyes out". But he said that the boy hadn't done anything to suggest this or said it, so I dismissed it. Today, he has a crop of very small white headed spots under one eye and a few by his nose. I asked him about the scratching thing and he said that the boy had made the movement with his hand near his eye but not touched him. I'm beginning to wonder now.

I gave him all your hugs last night when he was sleeping, but strangely didn't feel like doing the same at 3.30 this morning when he was calling me to tell me he was hungry...grrrr, I am useless with too little sleep. Off to build a train track for his latest train...Zzzzzz!

OP posts:
Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Davros · 09/10/2004 19:25

Let me know next time to decide to attempt Camden as I live just up the road.

Report
Chocol8 · 09/10/2004 20:05

Oh God, Davros - if only I had known that today!

We went for a drink at the Lock side cafe and I asked for decaf, but later on I discovered that they'd given me full caf...shaking hands and palpitations - the full monty. Ah well.

Thanks for the thought though Davros. I usually go on my own but ds loves it there, especially the noodles. x

OP posts:
Report
Chocol8 · 10/10/2004 11:13

We sat down this morning and did a worry spider as MrsF suggested. Wow, does my ds have a lot to worry about! They included things such as "if someone left the taps running and it would flood the building" and this gem: "the dinnerladies told me that if I didn't eat my dinner properly, they would put me in a highchair in the dinner hall". Grrrr.

So, looks like the dinnerladies are at it too. FFS, in his first year at that school he had a teacher pick him up by the ankles (he had bruises) and hold him upside down whilst he was having a tantrum. Whilst she held him (above a stone floor) he was screaming and crying and she goaded him saying "go on, scream louder, go on, kick harder". He told me this at his bedtime as I had known he'd been screaming as he used to get spots under his eyes where he'd broken the little blood vessels. The headmistress didn't believe me and said that he'd made the story up - I ask you, a just turned 5 year old making up stuff like that?

I so wish I had taken this further at the time, I really do..but my wh wouldn't let me. I will bring this up as evidence of bullying from the staff also.

I also wrote down all the details and names of the last 4 incidents in the last week and a half too and will type these up too.

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.