a neighbours child with add + playing with mine or others , advice please

[hermykne]

i live in environment where kids play out the front of our houses. i dont really let my kids out as i'm just anti it, but anywya, cleaning my car and doing the garden this afternoon, J aged 5 comes along as well as a few others.

my other neighbour who is a SN teacher, has commented J has certain difficulties taking various social cues whilst playing. he had to ask him to leave just 20mins earlier as the game his kids were playing became v disrupted.he came out to chat and get his kids back in. (now please there is no malice here at all). P has alot of experience in the field.

so anyway everything that each of the 5 kids had out to play - whether it was a pram / scoter / dump truck, he demanded he have it and practially pushed them off. even the kids were negotiating with him but he became v distressed. and can i say "difficult" without being unfair. he couldnt grasp sharing as the kids were doing themselves. i mean how do i handle this? he threw he toys away when he finished with them. and basically it ended up that we all went back to our houses and i looked out and he was on his on. which is terrible for him. this isnt just a once off incident there have been other things where he wont take no for a response.

P doesnt think he has been diagnosed correctly as he feels obvious techniques he knows would be used by his parents.
so are there techniques i can use or convey to my 2 to assist in this playtime.

[jomist]

This is a difficult one because will your 2 be willing to accept that when this child comes to play he's likely to behave in an anti-social manner and want him to play again.

My ds2 had behaviour problems which alienated him from friends from an early age and as much as that upset me (but not him too much it seemed), I felt it was up to me to explain to him that if he continued to behave in this way he was going to end up with no friends. He underwent an anger management course aged 7 and it did help. But mud sticks and it's hard to persuade the friends that once were (or their parents!) that the child has changed for the better and worth another go.

[hermykne]

jomist i think they willl but the games dont really get started with him - for instance playing families with the buggy, or cafe, its very upsetting to see the little guy like this. but what u say about your little boy not minding about the friends seems to be the case with J too.
mine are at an age now where a game might last an hour of uninterupted bliss for me!! but today it was a constant negotiation game.
i think my elder child will be more apprehensive with him than ds who'll play with anyone til he cries over something!

thanks for your contribution