Approaching other *suspected* special needs mom.. any advice?

[Woooozle100]

Hey up. Bit of a tricky one this. I go to a regular stay and play group with dd - it has a sensory room and I know trys to draw in special needs pre-schoolers and be fully inclusive(SN certainly go top of the list in terms of the waiting for place - we did)

There's one little lad who imo clearly has some behavioural issues. I don't think he is just naughty at all. He is a lot like some of the kids at dd's special needs playgroup who are on AS. His mom looks exasperated. I kind of think I could be a bit of an ally in this group and always smile and say hello. Would make cponversation but she is constantly running round after her lad.

My dd's special needs are kind of invisible - other than she doesn't grow much or do a fat lot. I suppose to people not at the group last year she just looks like a baby under 1 (she's 2).

To people that have been at the group for a while, they're obv aware of dd's special needs. Though it kind of pisses me off that its more acceptable in her case cos she's the 'cute' face of it. Ahh - she's so sweet and tiny and placid.. whereas this little lad gets completely the opposite reaction.

One mom was moaning onto me about how appalling his behaviour was. How all he does is knock stuff off tables and scream. I said nothing. I couldn't agree with her but at the same time - I didn't want to say 'Well maybe he has some other issues going on' cos I don't think its my place to speculate / start gossip etc. More than anything I would hate the little lad's mom to think I was talking about him in this way. At the same time, I felt a spineless shit for not 'sticking up' for him, iyswim.

Sorry to have gone on a bit. Any advice?

[frances5]

It is hard. My little boy was exactly the same at that age. Although we didn't know it he had severe glue ear. If a child has communication problems its really hard to for them to learn what is socially exceptable behaviour. My son was almost expelled from pre school because they had problems coping with him. He couldnt follow instructions and had poor language skills because he was deaf.

I think its wrong to speculate what is causing the communication problems. The mum could be very hurt if she found out. There are lots of things that can cause hyperactive behavior. What is considered to be normal toddler behaviour (the terrible twos) by a paediatrian is quite extreme.

Prehaps the best way you could support this mum is invite her round for a cup of tea or suggest that you go to the park together if you think that her little boy needs some space to let off excess energy.

Maybe when you are at the group you could offer to run after the child so that the mum can sit down and have a cup of tea for five minutes. Prehaps you could just say something like "the terrible twos are a challenging phase of parenting" if other mums make nasty comments about this child.

[Woooozle100]

top advice - thankyou. Will follow x