How do you get the balance right?

[jenk1]

We are having a real hard time atm, yesterday i left DH and the kids and spent the night in a hotel, i cried a lot of the time but i did me good.

Its just too much with 2 SN kids and DH who has depression and he is at home 24/7 and he treats DS as if he is NT and there is all sorts of arguments going on.
Yesterday it got too much and i left and i feel like doing the same again today.

I feel so guilty that i left the kids, even though they were with DH and i know they would be fine but i feel like a failure.

I cant even manage my own 2 kids and there are mums out there with worse situations like me.

Any tips anyone?

[onlyjoking9329]

Jen, don't beat yourself up about it we all need a break, can you book yourself a regular break so that you know you have that to hold on to.
it is stressful having kids with SN.
i think you were brave to do it, better that than having too much stress and it making you ill.

[Mitchell81]

Sorry I have no advice, just wanted to send you a hug and let you know your post has been read. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I have read lots of your posts and you are a fantastic mum and wife.

[TeeCee]

Ohhh mate
What other support do you two get?

[jenk1]

OJ thats a good idea about having a regular break, i think as mums of kids with SN we are so concerned about making sure they are ok that we forget about ourselves.

Teecee, we dont really get much help, we,ve just been turned down by SS even though im fighting that.

Mitchell-thanks for that message it was really nice

[lourobert]

Hi Jenk, My son is only 17 months old so im new to being a parent which is stresasful enough but its been extra stressful with coming to terms with my sons emerging disability.

I work 30 hours a week and my dp works FT. Were lucky to have two sets of very supportive grandparents who, without, I would have almost certainly cracked by now.

Im struggling to strike the right balance. i often beat myself up about not spending enough time with my son doing exercises and therapy etc. I carry a huge cloud of guilt with me every single day.

We went to the consultant recently as hes currently having some sleep issues and she was saying that our health was just as important as my sons and unless were happy and healthy then my ds cant be. It struck home a bit as the past 17 months has totally revolved around my ds- his appointments, researching his condition and alternative therapys, getting in touch with other parents so we didnt feel so isolated.

We'd forgotten all about ourselves, we hadnt realised that my dp has stopped going running and I hadnt been to the exercise classes that I used to do in ages....we'd neglected ourselves.

Weve made a promise to try and do some of the things that we used to love doing. We are lucky in that my ds's grandparents love nothing more than to take him for a walk or have him for a few hours.

have you got any respite opportunities for your dc at all. Its awful that we have to right for these things- fighting which takes up valuable energy we need for other things.

Ive no real useful advise bu just to say that your not alone and to offer lots of (((((hugs)))))) keep smiling

[sheeps]

Hi

I just wanted to say I think you did the right thing getting away. My DS is 13 months and last summer the whole thing got on top of me and I went away for the night and it made such a big difference. I'm coming to realise its not about being selfish, you have to look after yourself to be able to look after your children. Sometimes putting yourself first is the best thing you can do for them, so please don't feel bad about getting away, and if you can do it again or just get some time for you on a regular basis it'll be of benefit to you all.

Take care.

[Mitchell81]

Jenk, how are things today?

[luckylady74]

jenk - just saw this and wanted to say i do this quite a lot - stay with a friend for 1 night or like tomorrow i'm going to stay with my mum with just the youngest for 2 nights. you were right to take a break and the others are right in that if you do it regularly you will feel better - and perhaps not feel like crying too. i have already organised a day out to a festival in august - the thought of it keeps me going!
i know that my local autism charity norsaca offers counselling for people with autism and carers of people with autism - it can be referred through doctor and paid for by nhs- my friend has used it and said it was great because she didn't have to explain everything. do you know if there's anything like this in your area?
for what it's worth i have always found your posts on here show a very caring and concerned mother.

[coppertop]

I'm so sorry I missed this Jenk. I hope things get better for you asap. You have a lot to deal with so don't put yourself down. xxx

[onlyjoking9329]

i do think that i struggled with the balance when the kids were younger and i worked full time,i have not worked out of the home for 7 years and so spend lots of time with my three but guess what, i still don't feel i do enuff with them.
i have a theroy when we go to see the pead/salt/phsyo/any other type proff they seceretly administer summat into our guilt/responsibilty gland,which causes them to be overactive i know this to be true thou i have not seen how they do it, my DH doesn't go to the appointments so he doesn't experience the guilt/responsibilty gland