days out with DS and DD are not a good idea

[jenk1]

we went to chester zoo today, i have been excited all week looking forward to it but i knew as soon as i came downstairs that it wasnt going to be easy.
DD has such strict routines they are unreal and because i had a bath this morning instead of coming downstairs with her and getting her breakfast (Dh did it) she was crying and refusing to eat until i came down.
She cried at the zoo, she didnt like the animals, too noisy she said, we came home after a couple of hours.
she was happy to come home and play in her house in the garden but its left me feeling a bit sad.
She is more severe than DS, im sure she wont be given a dx of AS, its so hard because its hard to communicate with her, i WANT her to enjoy going out as a family but am beginning to think its easier not to go out but then what about the rest of us?
sorry to go on im just feeling a bit down this week

[monika11]

dont feel down please,
its not easy for me to go out with my dc too.
i think many people experince it.
i think it is the way it is, and i am accepting my dc like that.
hugs and XXX

[anniebear]

sorry to hear your day out didnt go well

we havent been to chester Zoo for a while, we did have a years pass for there

we are away on Sunday and are going to the welsh moutain zoo , not sure how we will get on either!

It is so dissapointing isnt it when you make the effort and go out for the day

[bobalinga]

Sorry to hear it didn't go well. I remember awful times out with DS1 (ASD) trying to make it fun for the other 2 so they didn't miss out on everyday things like zoo or museums or beach (sand and ASD!!!)
Always felt like I'd wrestled a gorilla by the time we got back and wondered why I put myself through an ordeal like that.
Now I'm doing the same trying to make life ok for the older 3 while struggling with C's wheelchair and fits and screaming. The zoo is 2 bus rides away and she screams the whole way there. She screams if we stop moving. She needs her nappy done and she's too big for the changing area. The other kids get grumpy at the screaming and wish we hadn't bothered.
So now we don't go out and we can't face going on holiday. And I feel guilty cos my kids are missing out on all this.

[jenk1]

its a hard situation isnt it?
do you put the rest of the family through the ordeal that we had yesterday, dh and me started arguing and ds started crying saying i dont want you to divorce

but then the thought of spending a whole summer in the back garden makes me feel dizzy!!!!

As we speak ds is upstairs crying over dd, cos she ruined yesterday and she has been screaming because we washed her hair tonight.

getting the balance right is hard.

[Davros]

My two have quite an age difference so it isn't as hard to accept that we don't do outings together usually as they prob wouldn't be suitable for both of them anyway. What I do though is get help with DS so I can do things with DD and the other way round. We go out together as a family, but its me and DH with 2 children so much more manageable, but we are very unambitious. This is why I hate the summer. The restrictions, the crowds everywhere, the long bright evenings when you would just love to go out spontaneously. I think you have to accept that some things just won't work, but don't give up either. I think you will have to split the children up for outings, even if not always. Sorry it went badly

[mummy2aaron]

So sorry your day didn't work out. We tried yesterday. We got in the car and headed off to North Wales, halfway there we turned back as ds2 and ds1 were fighting, ds2 was very edgy as we went in dh's car and he has a different car seat in it. On the way home ds1 played the guilt card asking why we never do anything because of his 'stupid' brother so we went to Buxton instead. Funnily enough when we got there they were both as good as gold although with ds2 on the loose dd had to be restricted to her pushchair and created a little but for us a good day only a couple of public flare ups. You never know how it will go. I can never relax in case something sets ds2 off and he has been wetting himself lately so I had to carry spare clothes and his train set in case he needed calming down. There is a support group near me that takes a group of children and their families on trips such as Chester Zoo or the Donkey Sanctuary. Everyone knows the problems involved and there are so many adults there is always someone to help or mind your other dc's while you are dealing with a melt down. Might be available to you as you aren't too far hun.

You know the thing that really gets to me - the 'What did you do in the Holidays?' essay that ds1 has to write when he gets back to school. Poor little thing always makes something up.

[Davros]

Something we also do, although we try to avoid it, is DH and I split up. E.G. yesterday he took DD to have lunch with auntie M and I took DS shopping and to clean the car (I know which I'd rather do!). I think it can become a habit so we try not to do it too much but it can help when things are getting tense at home.

[jenk1]

aw sorry to hear that your day didnt go too well

would be very interested to hear about the support group especially as we are not too far from each other.

Davros we did that today, split the two of them up, i took ds to asda-he can cope with it there nowadays, dont suppose its anything to do with a comic and a cola in the cafe!!! and dh took dd to the market and bought her a hotdog, then we all met up and spent the afternoon in the garden.

i think thats what we will have to do, holidays are completely out of the question,although there is a rumour that the whole of my side are going abroad next year so thats a possibility.

i was so peed off yesterday that i blasted them both with whitesnake still of the night on the way home,it sent dd to sleep and made me feel a lot better

[gess]

Agree with Davros, and having read this earlier came on to write the same sort of thing.

We often split up now (3 kids though so kind of a necessity) and often employ and added extra, so we take out all children on their own, and with various combinations of siblings. Ds2 misses out the most, but I have booked a day alone to take him to lunch (he loves that!).

[gess]

All family holidays we havne't done for 3 years. Nest year my parents are helping us over to Ireland so we can visit in-laws as a family. Otherwise impossible. It's one of the things I find hardest to accept tbh- I do sympathise, but you are not alone.