So stressed for my 4yo dd

[Ellieboolou27]

My dd 4.5 is in reception, had some concerns over the past year or so about her behaviour in social situations, example - she won't greet people even if she knows them! Bullying & very competitive with one particular friend as well as being really rude to the friends Mother.
We've moved house, had another baby and started school within the last year but now these "excuses" as wearing thin.
Had parents eve a few weeks back and teacher said she has no concerns, plays well, has friends etc.
Today the teacher called me aside to say dd would be having some extra support in the new year in a programme called shooting stars to help develop confidence and social skills.
I feel glad she's getting help but also deeply sad that the school think she needs it, I worry she's going to be labelled, that she'll struggle and that I've somehow failed her.

I asked teacher if she thought dd was on the spectrum and she replied "I'm not sure"
Feeling down and not sure where all this will lead to.
Does anyone have any experience on how these things work once the school has got involved?

I did have a hv out during summer holidays as was concerned about dd's behaviour, she visited twice but said see how she gets on when she starts reception.
Should I contact hv again to tell her about developments with school?
It's so confusing and feel really isolated.
Thanks for reading, I know it's long!