would like your advice on this .. and to know if it rings any bells please..

[Twiglett]

friend of DS has always been a slightly difficult child although I would assume he was NT .. he is certainly capable of tailoring his behavioural extremes when his parents aren't there .. its only when they are that his defiance / anger / stroppiness / violence tends to manifest

anyhoo .. he seems to be exhibiting what I can only refer to as possibly sensory issues at parties but they are strange and not happening when and where I would expect a sensory issue to manifest

eg at both his party and party today he was fine in huge big soft-play scenarios having a whale of a time .. enjoying himself .. and playing nicely with others

yet at both parties as soon as everybody moved into another room to eat he virtually freaked and was only happy if left to his own in the corner .. he didn't want to join his friends at the table .. he simply wanted to be left alone almost like he's overwhelmed by children sitting round a table and eating

I have this dichotomy on video .. he really seems distressed in the eating area

BUT he has school dinners no problem btw and sits nicely for dinners at houses

so what do you think .. is there potentially a sensory issue there? (and if so are there anything that can help) or is it just a weird behavioural quirk that's best to be ignored

any thoughts .. I know you're not diagnosticians .. but I'm wondering if it rings any bells

thanks

[coppertop]

Some things sound similar to ds2. Soft play areas are usually large spaces with plenty of places to escape to if things get too much. Ds2 loves either chasing people or being chased but if put into a smaller room with those same children he would probably find a table to sit under or lie on the floor with his face covered.

School dinners and dinners at houses tend to be very structured and calm IME. Taken out of that setting it probably seems to be a lot more chaotic and potentially scary.

[Stiller]

It doesn't really ring any bells with me and I don't know much about sensory issues (I should really seeing as DS is autistic).

My DS's behaviour is much worse with me and his dad than with anyone else, but I put that down to him being able to 'let it out' with us after having to conform at school or other social settings (DS probably fits AS now, but was DX'd a long time ago).

He might have felt uncomfortable about sitting down to eat because of not knowing what's expected of him - whereas in the school canteen he knows the people he's sitting with and knows the routine. Could he have been anxious about having to be sociable conversationally?

How old is he Twiglett?

Nothing you've said would make me think one way or another, but then again I've no experience of NT kids so everything seems 'normal' to me

[Davros]

What it says to me is a difficulty with transitions. The ones he is used to and can anticipate he can manage. Others that are unexpected or unusual he find difficult. I may be wrong!

[Twiglett]

Thanks .. any strategies to help? currently his parents tend to get a bit cross with him .. which I can undertand

.. he can be quite 'manipulative' in the way that children can be .. ie he'll create needs to go to the toilet when he doesn't want to do something .. his behaviour seems worse when dad is around (dad doesn't believe in telling off according to mum) and easier when mum is

Stiller he's 6

[Littlefish]

If as Davros suggests, it is a difficulty with transitions, then he might need lots of pre-warning when things are about to change. A count down from 10 minutes before?

As much preparation as possible before an event happens - ie. talking about all the possibilities a day before they happen.

Making a timeline of the likely course of events so that it's very visual.

Photographs of places can be helpful as a visual support when talking.

[Davros]

Going to the toilet is a classic escape strategy, it isn't necessarily being consciously manipulative although it is, of course, a form of manipulation..... a learned behaviour. For that one, and most others, they need to try to work out the function of the behaviour and then respond accordingly, e.g. if it is attention seeking then don't give attention, but if it is something else such as escape then work out a doable way to change that.

[mymatemax]

His behaviour sounds very similar to ds2, he cannot sit with a group of children at a party, for him I think it is the fear of being in a situation whee he is going to have to interact.
He can play alongside others wihtout having to play with them iykwim.
But a more formal setting especially if people are sitting facing him he just can't cope with.
He is OK sitting at the table at home (as long as mealtime routines are observed!)
He is also more likely to show extreme behaviour to us, infact he is very placid with everyone else.
He is also not very good the 1st time we go anywhere, were the parties held somewhere familiar to him?

[Troutpout]

Was there something else that he thought might happen do you think? ds ofton begins to get worked up if he thinks something is building up to happening