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ASD daughter started to say everyone thinks she's weird

(11 Posts)
Meeep Sat 15-Oct-16 00:02:14

Previously she's always been completely blind to anyone else's opinions of whatever she's doing / wearing / playing. Hasn't noticed or cared one jot.

But lately she is telling me that people at school are scared of her - because she used to hug everyone indiscriminately (she has grown out of that but apparently it's been a recent topic of conversation), and that they talk about her - they say she's crazy and weird. She's clearly concerned.

This is new and I don't know how to handle it!

Her being oblivious to her peers before, it was both a blessing and a curse now I think about it.
I automatically said to her that people sometimes used to say I was weird when I was a little girl (which is true), and I thought that lots of my favourite people were a bit weird back then and nowadays too!

But is that wrong? Should I have said she isn't weird? Instead of saying that being weird is OK?
Should I be asking her if she wants tips on how to not seem weird? I don't really know what's the best conversation to have! Should I be speaking to school?

zzzzz Sat 15-Oct-16 00:11:10

Yes you should be talking to school, they will help nip the othering in the bud.

I go with "nobody yearns to be average. Nobody says look at my beautiful baby she's so delightfully normal. " grin. Start dropping admiration for the unusual into your every day......it's easygrin

Brokenbiscuit Sat 15-Oct-16 00:17:32

I think your answer was great. Your dd shouldn't have to try to be someone she isn't. She might be a bit quirky, but many of the best people are! I would have a word with the school, though - they might be able to have a general chat with the kids about accepting that everyone is different.

How old is dd?

MrsSam Sat 15-Oct-16 08:03:40

I think you should definitely speak the the school. We had a special unit in our primary school in the early 80's which was unusual back then. We also had a deaf unit (as it was called back then) so we were exposed to children with a wide range of difficulties and differences. I remember inclusion was a big part of our ethos but don't remember ever being specifically told anyone was different. What I am trying to say is the school should be able to handle this in such a way that doesn't single out your DD. I think your handling of the matter was fab and also agree with zzzzz that you could reinforce the positives too. At some point in our lives I think we have always been the weird kid, I vividly remember when it was my turn for it!

PolterGoose Sat 15-Oct-16 08:21:34

I agree, do talk to school, but also your response was perfect.

Like zzzzz's family, we like weird here, so when ds gets called weird these days (he is weird!) he just says 'thank you', flummoxes the name caller and moves on.

I sort of wonder what's the alternative 'no, dear of course you're not weird, you're perfectly normal like everyone else', nah! Who wants to aspire to normal? wink

amunt Sat 15-Oct-16 12:00:54

So true, the more you look at what 'normal' is the more you want your children to steer clear of it. Ds has not got the being weird comments yet (or hasn't noticed), but I know he will. Does anyone know of any books about weird being cool/OK for young children to start presenting the idea as a way of forearming.

Shesinfashion Sat 15-Oct-16 13:53:57

I love the way you answered this OP and agree with everyone's responses. My DD (8) is in mainstream and still remains oblivious to her differences to NT peers. I will b
e using your answer and highlighting the positives if and when the conversation becomes appropriate. smile

Meeep Sat 15-Oct-16 14:18:24

Thanks, you've all put my mind at rest that I didn't handle it all wrong as a first conversation.
She's just turned 9.

peppajay Sat 22-Oct-16 19:56:19

My son is 8 and just been diagnosed. One of his behaviours at the moment is hugging people. He is very popular with the yr5 and 6 girls as They think he is so cute. He seems to spend most of his play times hugging his older cousins friends. She finds him a bit embarrassing at school. He told me last night he doesnt have any proper friends but he doesn't mind coz all of year 6 love him! My son is very unique and has been seen as quirky for many years but i have noticed that his peers laugh at him now not with him and the 5 little friends he had from preschool are becoming more distant ftom him. It is sad to see but at the moment he doesn't seem to bothered - I always tell my son it is ok to be different but it is heartbreaking to realise that not conforming to the norm makes you odd.

lougle Tue 25-Oct-16 14:06:00

DD2 isn't diagnosed with anything yet, but we think she has ASD....time will tell.

She says she's wierd and odd and 'just a bunch of randoms'.

I said to her the other day that if children were put in boxes on shelves, like easter eggs, then, no, I didn't think she came out of the 'typical' box, but I think she's absolutely awesome. She tipped her head to the side for a minute while she worked through the metaphor (DD and metaphors don't mix well) but then a slow smile came across her face and she gave a little nod.

I then had to cover myself and explain that DD3 did come out of the 'typical' box, but she was one of those rare sparkly ones and was also awesome.....

teafor1 Tue 25-Oct-16 15:29:49

My son doesn't realise he is different but I've been trying to push the greatness of being unique and having such a creative mind. I don't know if one day he will realise his difference or it will be pointed out (in a bad way) but I don't want it to be a blow to his self esteem. I think you handled it really well!

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