Leaving the house/days out

[CardboardPlastic]

I realise it's a really common issue but I'm struggling with this a bit. Whether to push or not push etc.

We had a day at the seaside planned today. DS (12, AS) refused to go, despite knowing where we were going (as in familiar with it), having had a written chart plotting out the upcoming days, etc. Yesterday he said he was looking forward to it. He says he 'just doesn't want to go' and 'can't help being stuck in his ways', but is also a bit upset at 'missing out on experiences' coz he does this a lot.

What's making it harder is that DP is furious coz it was all arranged and we were all looking forward to it and so on, and is spitting feathers about us capitulating to DS all the time.

Most of the school hols have been spent schlepping about the house and garden so he's not been overloaded. He has been happy though. But often when he is persuaded to come out he has a great time, but it's that initial hurdle.

DP is currently huffing and puffing and sighing dramatically with a face like thunder...

[CardboardPlastic]

Sorry, meant to say - any thoughts?

[Jasonandyawegunorts]

You DP needs to grow up.

[Ineedmorepatience]

Yep, its sounds like your Dp has a problem with your son but its his problem and he needs to sort it.

I should think your Ds must have felt quite strongly about not going so maybe when he is not stressed you could talk to him about ways to support him when he does want to go out.

[CardboardPlastic]

Jason yes he does. Sadly I can't do that for him.

Ineed- it's funny, in some ways he is amazing with DS. He immerses himself in DS's obsessions so they talk endlessly about them- it means such a lot to DS. But in other ways not so much. He gets really frustrated and feels trapped by DS's reluctance to go out and do things. DP and I have our own difficulties but that's a whole other thread!

Thanks Polter, yes he's an only child. He's always keener to go somewhere if a friend comes too. It's more fun for him I guess. He said he'd have gone today if a friend had come. Although in fact when it's the three of us he does have a laugh. I think it has to do with transition too. He likes the idea of something in advance, and so agrees to it, but then shrinks from it when the time arrives. It's like the transition from being comfy and safe at home to the 'big day out' is too much. And yet, he usually really enjoys it if he does it and says as much.

[LyndaNotLinda]

I started a thread on Sunday about a very similar thing. I'm trying to manage my expectations about what a 'nice' summer is about but it's bloody hard sometimes!

[CardboardPlastic]

Oh what's the thread called Lynda? I'll look it up!

[LyndaNotLinda]

'Going to events with SPD/ASD -just not bother?'

I think the title is fairly indicative of my frame of mind at the time but I did get some v helpful posts