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I will never take ds to another party

(29 Posts)
DorothyL Sat 16-Jul-16 15:08:21

Horrendous, I really need to accept that it doesn't work sad

Feel awful!

PolterGoose Sat 16-Jul-16 15:12:30

What happened?

brewcake

Whatslovegottodo Sat 16-Jul-16 15:14:06

flowers
Never say never. As they get older the parties and the children change and a small group party when he's older may work well for your DS. Obviously I don't know your circumstances but have seen that with DC before.

DorothyL Sat 16-Jul-16 15:16:45

Pool, bouncy castle , nothing structured - ds lost it and screamed etc

Happens at every party tbh because he gets overwhelmed and feels out of control

PolterGoose Sat 16-Jul-16 15:32:01

I started declining invitations quite quickly, ds couldn't cope either.

Did he want to go? My ds never did so it made it easier.

DorothyL Sat 16-Jul-16 20:57:56

He always thinks he wants to go but then doesn't enjoy it

PolterGoose Sat 16-Jul-16 21:03:32

Maybe it's time to stop going. Or, if it's nice parents hosting, explain and just go for a little bit.

DorothyL Sat 16-Jul-16 21:53:21

I feel he won't get invited again in a hurry

PolterGoose Sat 16-Jul-16 21:54:47

How is he now?

How are you?

wine

DorothyL Sat 16-Jul-16 21:56:58

I'm ok now and he's in bed thank you for asking

PolterGoose Sat 16-Jul-16 22:01:25

It's difficult to know how to respond as your posts are so short. I am sorry you had such a tough day.

DorothyL Sat 16-Jul-16 22:05:22

I'm sorry just feeling a bit drained! And cross with myself because I still
fall into that way of thinking sometimes "why can't he just be normal" - it's another reason not to go to parties because it illustrates too much what other boys his age are like!

PolterGoose Sat 16-Jul-16 22:09:47

Don't be sorry, I'm crap at reading between lines.

I got to a point where I would look at things and ask 'how useful is this for adult life?' and, actually, the chaos and anarchy of kids parties just isn't that useful for learning helpful skills for a lot of our children. It's a whole load of angst for minimal return.

DorothyL Sat 16-Jul-16 22:12:30

That's a great way of looking at it. I had a chat with ds today and said to him that maybe we won't bother with parties and he seemed okay with that.

I'm just sick of apologising to parents sad

Branleuse Sat 16-Jul-16 22:13:10

((hugs))

PolterGoose Sat 16-Jul-16 22:15:04

I reached a point where I just thought 'fuck it' and focused on what was right for ds, life has been so much better since. Much easier, less stressful. And he's thrived. Pulling right back made a big difference and allowed him to find his way.

OneEpisode Sat 16-Jul-16 22:16:04

My dc1 only wanted the party bag. Can you simplify the transaction to give birthday card / receive haribos without the awful interval in between?

hazeyjane Sat 16-Jul-16 22:22:43

Sympathies.
It's hard, and often it feels like it is about everyone else but ds.
I hate it when he isn't invited
So people invite him and I hate that I almost feel grateful
Then I hate that he has been invited because he sort of wants to go, but doesn't 'get' parties.
Then I hate having to decline invite or hate going because ds spends whole time clinging to me, signing home.

I think the idea of going just for a little while (cake and party bag!) is a good one, and might try that next time

DorothyL Sat 16-Jul-16 22:31:46

Hazeyjane your post sums it up so well

I'm sad when he's not invited but going is torture

Blossom4538 Sun 17-Jul-16 18:52:07

Really feel for you. We've had an awful day of it today, mostly due to party.

moobeana Sun 17-Jul-16 19:02:36

Sorry to hijack this, but I saw it and thought I'd ask your opinion.

My DD turns 5 soon and she has a boy with autism in her class who we will be inviting. (Whole class invited) I told her this on Friday as I happened to be speaking to her. She seemed unsure as he melts down at parties. We didn't get time to continue the chat as children came out.

But I want to know what would help at the party. We are having a party entertainer / magician. So a structured but exciting main activity, then a 20 minute disco followed by cake and party food.

I imagine the disco to be the hardest part to deal with. Is that right? How can I make the whole party easier for them? I would like to tell the mum some ideas when I give the invites out. I'd really like her to feel welcome.

PolterGoose Sun 17-Jul-16 20:18:21

moo it's different for every autistic child but things that might help:
- ask mum if she wants to stay, I would have had to with ds
- giving a schedule - so child knows what to expect and also gives option of only attending for the bits they can cope with
- offering for child to arrive early and get the lay of the land before it gets busy
- giving details of the entertainer, especially if they're on YouTube or have video footage on their site, gives mum a chance to assess likelihood of success and perhaps prepares child
- ask about food preferences/favourites
- if child needs to leave don't pressure to stay, better to go before crisis point.

moobeana Mon 18-Jul-16 20:19:53

Thanks so much PotterGoose, I will keep those in mind. I know he has seen the entertainer before, he came to preschool at Christmas, so it won't be a first encounter and I have pre warned the entertainer who was lovely.
The schedule I can do, the only thing I can think is that the disco is in the middle and that will be the tricky bit. I think I will ask his mum if she wants me to get some colouring / sticker stuff for him to do in the kitchen area while it's going on. Do you the she will be offended by that?

OneEpisode Mon 18-Jul-16 20:45:11

Colouring/sticker stuff for those who want quiet might be more diplomatic. Maybe even ask her if she was planning on staying and you were looking for an extra pair of hands at the colouring table if she was available?

knittingwithnettles Mon 18-Jul-16 23:29:27

Ds2 loved small parties and hated big noisy ones.
He also loved his own parties (which were small and themed)

Blossom not surprised today was awful thanks a bad party experience is the pits. Ds2 has had such good party experiences that the bad ones really threw me into confusion.

Discos were always wrong for him, as too noisy and all over the place
whereas musical bumps and musical statues were fine
any sort of treasure hunt (simple) was enjoyable

and food had to come quite quickly or he got very upset at the hanging around

Also random games with water pistols and balls didn't worked
but dressing up was a great success, and "themes"
craft worked (although he is not at all crafty and has poor motor skills) so little tasks went down well, colouring, making something simple, jigsaw, quizzes, matching cards, finding things, structured activities

winning and losing went down v badly.

Soft play was fine for him, he liked squeezing through tunnels and being pummelled!

I always stayed. He once ran off at a "loud"bowling party, so I realised it was best hmm, although he thought he would enjoy it.

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