My ds has a diagnosis of ASD. Our CC employ specialist autism teachers to go into the school to see how he is getting on and to suggest adjustments that the school can make to ensure his needs are met. They can help you argue a case on behalf of your child with the school (if they believe in it) and are imo an all round good thing. We have met the EY advisor and next year after a term will we be handed over to the specialist autism teacher for the area (call her AT). AT is well respected and holds quite a bit of power as far as I can see.
I went to a support group for parents of children with ASD and ADHD/ADD run by a charity. This is supported by the CC and all the local schools (they all advertise it) and AT attends the meeting to offer advice.
There were about 8 mums there, the charity leader and AT. I and several other newbies just sat quiet during the meeting but it was srill helpful to listen to the problems other people have had and suggestions of how to solve them. At the beginning of the meeting I was very impressed with AT, she had loads of ideas and seemed passionate about her subject - she clearly cares that children on the spectrum get the best out of their schooling. She never blamed the children for any of the behaviours that were referenced but instead sought to find explanations for why and ways to help.
However, about halfway through the meeting I started to become increasingly uncomfortable but could not pinpoint why at the time. Having processed it now I think its that she said on numerous occasions that children with ASD are selfish. They don't care about anyone else's viewpoint or needs. In retrospect I find that comment deeply offensive. She also made other sweeping generalisations about how these children are never likely to want to read a book for pleasure as they don't enjoy stories etc so give them minecraft manuals and cereal packets to read. (My son loves stories and all kinds of imaginary play as do a number of ASD kids I know). I also found that lots of language was used about "us" and "them". I have found similar "us" and "them" language used in lots of contexts and think its a poor way to describe difference. There is no homogenous "them" or even a homogenous "us". Further, in a group of parents with kids on the spectrum its likely that a certain number of these may also be on the spectrum themselves or should support groups only be for NT parents who want to complain about how hard it is living with someone with ASD?
So, a few questions - am I being overly sensitive (my main upset was the selfish comment)? If not obviously the easiest answer is not to go anymore (problem solved). However, should I be trying to set AT right about these points but, if I do and manage to upset her it could be difficult going forward as I will need her help. Also she clearly does a lot of good in that support group with her ideas and knowledge - if I start objecting about her non-PC language she might simply give up going to the support group and then all of the other mums have lost out on free advice.
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Uncomfortable in support group - do I rock the boat
9 replies
Mumoftwinsandanother · 26/06/2016 11:50
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zzzzz ·
26/06/2016 17:52
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26/06/2016 21:02
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