can I do a safe aibu here?

[DorothyL]

Not having a good evening. Our neighbours have three children aged eight, six and three, who often spend time in the garden, making the noise you'd expect. We are out there prob slightly less often, but when we are Ds sometimes, being the way he is, can be very noisy when he's stressed or excited. Today I was cooking while Ds played outside. He started reciting a line from a tv prog to himself. Next door were having dinner outside and their boys thought Seb was being hilarious and were giggling, which egged Ds on etc. Suddenly I could hear the mother say very sharply to Ds "can you be quiet please ds" I was stunned, Ds immediately silent and he ran and hid by the side of the house. Dh came home 10 mins later and he went next door - apparently they said Ds's noise levels were challenging and could we talk to him - well if it was that easy I would do it! They also apologised, but I feel really upset. It's just another instance of people being less than understanding... I don't often talk about it but there have been a few. I just don't get it, I would NEVER say anything to them about their kids' noise, or anybody's. Dh spelt it out to them today that it wasn't as easy as just talking to ds. They looove their garden and are out there every possible moment and seem to suddenly find ds an imposition. We have been neighbours for nearly 10 years and I'm stunned and upset.

[DorothyL]

When I say ds is sometimes noisy I mean regularly, but it spikes, at other times he's fine. Am I meant to lock him up?

[DorothyL]

This is the problem with the sn board... No replies.

[apple1992]

[DorothyL]

Thank you

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

They should be more understanding. Plus they have 3 kids..I can't imagine they are quiet. I'd be annoyed too.

[DorothyL]

They make noise which is fine and normal. I thought they'd known us long enough to know and understand better...even if she was struggling she should have talked to me not snapped at ds

[DorothyL]

Ds couldn't see what they were doing because of the hedge and their ds's were cracking up laughing so even though I could hear ds I didn't think there was a problem.

I wouldn't have minded a friendly "ds,,would you mind stopping that while we're eating?" But her tone was really really harsh.

[DorothyL]

I'm sure it was just a bad evening etc for her and I should give her the benefit of the doubt etc

but I'm just so tired of it all

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Having thought about this..if she is normally OK then maybe it really was just a bad day. ..stressed..or maybe bad PMS?

I know how awful these things are though and how it makes you feel uncomfortable in your house.

It might help if you could speak to her and tell her how you feel and clear air but i understand that would be hard. She maybe feels awful about it too though.

[DorothyL]

I'm rubbish and would probably start crying copious tears as soon as I opened my mouth...

Apparently they said to dh that ds was getting worse and that's just not true. They used to let their ds sometimes invite my ds over for a bit of a play (and vice versa), but not anymore, which also makes me sad. It was one of the good things in ds's life, where he doesn't have friends really.

[DorothyL]

I feel that she should come and try and speak to me really?

[GrimmauldPlace]

If she wanted her DC to stop laughing she should have spoke to them. Sorry but no way should she say anything to your DS who was in his own garden. She doesn't own the fucking sound waves.

I also don't understand the need to be quiet when people are eating? Why? Noise doesn't stop me eating.

I agree that it does sound like it was a bad day for your neighbour or something if you've known her 10 years and there's never been a problem. That doesn't make it ok though. Good on your DH for chatting to her, hopefully she will be more tactful next time. Plus she apologised.

My DS is disabled. DD is NT. They both make loads of noise in the garden. It's what kids do and why shouldn't they. As long as it's not early morning or late evening then if you live next door to people you should expect noise outside.

[DorothyL]

When it was good weather a couple of weeks ago their children were out until 9.30 pm, I was sitting in the garden and would have loved it to be quiet but would never ever have said anything.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I didn't mean it was OK if she was having a bad day.

I just thought that might help OP if she thought it was a one off not concerted unhappiness,

[GrimmauldPlace]

Oh I know you didn't fanjo

[GrimmauldPlace]

Exactly op, we'd all love a bit of peace in our gardens. Unfortunately when you live so close to people it's part of life though. Which is why when I win the lottery I will be buying a nice big house in the middle of nowhere

[DorothyL]

I dunno isn't it a bit different when it's people in their own homes?

I always thought we had an understanding of mutual tolerance, but this seems to be her saying that her family's noise is more agreeable than ours.

I start crying even thinking about talking to her. I've tried talking to people before, they usually suggest counselling for me or being stricter with ds. The onus always being on us not them.

Ds is also physically disabled (dwarfism). How about people count their blessings they have healthy ny children!?!?!?

[DorothyL]

*nt

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

people don't count their blessings unfortunately, its a selfish world. I hope it was just a blip and that the air will be cleared.