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Sex education and DS

(22 Posts)
Notthecarwashagain Tue 17-May-16 16:12:51

DS (9) come home from school red in the face, close to tears, and really miserable, as they did sex education today.

For background, he has vocal and motor tic disorder, Ocd, spd, and is being assessed for asd.

For some reason (I have tried asking him, but it leads to anger and meltdown) he gets very distressed by the word 'sex'
If he hears it on tv, or sees it written down (for example waiting at hospital for paed appointment he saw a poster about single sex wards) he gets very worked up.

He's obsessing about having to do it again tomorrow (I don't know if they are or not)
If I ring the school and ask for him not to take part will they think it odd? And actually would that be the wrong thing to do?

I don't know what to do for the best.
What should I do?! (Sorry for being so needy!)

zzzzz Tue 17-May-16 16:20:52

I think that you phone them and explain he has a phobia surrounding the word. Explain (in case they don't know) that feelings surrounding words is well documented in ASD and that the more anxiety inducing words can be worse. Ask them to support him on the day as best they can.

Ask ds if he could write down some words that could be used instead. Intercourse? Making love? Insemination?

Notthecarwashagain Tue 17-May-16 16:40:37

Thanks zzzzz, I'll give them a call and see what they say.
I'm very much floundering around at the moment with DS' school issues, so am really grateful for the advice!

PolterGoose Tue 17-May-16 19:23:52

Ds has similar with words and a particular song. School have been very supportive.

My ds just calls is mating, as in, 'what's so special about human sex, it's only apes mating' grin

PolterGoose Tue 17-May-16 19:24:09

...calls it mating...

Youarenotkiddingme Tue 17-May-16 21:20:20

Apes mating grin

I spoke to DS school when they did sex ed in year 6. Ds can get very anxious about things he may see (pics and videos). School were very understanding as I just said its not an education session if he becomes so anxious it makes it harder to re visit it at a later date if needs be.

I think he did listen and learn something - he came home and announced woman are like plants - they have a seed in them and when it's fertilised it grows hmm

zzzzz Tue 17-May-16 21:44:07

Mating seems very sensible (and has no sounds in common with sex).

PolterGoose Tue 17-May-16 21:45:44

Mating is a good word too as it's fairly neutral and universal.

Notthecarwashagain Wed 18-May-16 06:30:48

Apes mating grin Love that!

It such a relief to have people understand and experience the same- thank you for your messages smile

DS also has a very strong reaction to UB40's Red Red Wine, but fortunately that doesn't crop up in many situations!

PolterGoose Wed 18-May-16 07:15:31

You're lucky! Ds's trigger song is Walking in the air, so every Christmas we have to cope with it again.

Notthecarwashagain Wed 18-May-16 08:49:39

Oh no Polter! Your poor DS (and you) that's not an avoidable song at all!

PolterGoose Wed 18-May-16 08:57:54

I know, it would be amusing if his reaction wasn't so violent. Thankfully school take it seriously and kids who sing it to goad get dealt with.

The worst of this particular thing is that after I'd brought my 'new' car home a couple of months ago I discovered the last owner was the teacher who started this all off by endless playing the song. He hates my car now too!

I am actually really glad to have found someone else with a child with that sort of visceral reaction to a song <solidarity>

Notthecarwashagain Thu 19-May-16 09:02:42

Oh good that the school take it seriously.
And what a pain about the car!

<solidarity cake and brew>

PolterGoose Thu 19-May-16 09:06:06

How did it go with school in the end?

Notthecarwashagain Thu 19-May-16 17:05:44

Apparently they weren't going to be doing sex education yesterday, just pregnancy and 'how to be healthy' so I said ok, that shouldn't be a problem.
DS came home and screamed and shouted for 2 solid hours about it.
He said the teacher had told him I'd called and said he'd be fine with it, and he wasn't at all hmm
Awful afternoon!

Sometimes I wonder if I should be looking in to a special school for him, away from all the pressure and misunderstanding of mainstream. But then I don't know if that would be right for him either.
So hard isn't it?

Thank you for asking- I'm so sorry for the long ranty rant!

PolterGoose Thu 19-May-16 17:17:43

It is hard, and it pisses me off that schools don't do these simple things which then mean big problems.

Is he hiding his feelings at school? A big problem as I'm sure you know is masking all day and exploding at home. Awareness is growing about this but teachers are slow to understand.

Frizzcat Thu 19-May-16 17:20:28

My ds keeps going weak at the knees every time he sees the anatomy drawings of sex - not sure how biology will go in secondary confused
He asked to lie down when I explained sex and how to make a baby....

Notthecarwashagain Thu 19-May-16 17:28:38

Exactly! It's us that have to deal with the fallout.

Yeah he's doing the 'hiding his feelings and blowing up at home' thing.
I asked him if the teacher knew he was uncomfortable and he said no, "I don't show emotion"
And I know it's wrong, but I thought, well I wish you bloody would sometimes!

Notthecarwashagain Thu 19-May-16 17:29:23

(At school I mean! Plenty of emotion shown at home!)

PolterGoose Thu 19-May-16 17:52:06

No, not wrong at all, he should show it, it is much better for him if he does.

Crikey Frizz that's going to be tricky. Maybe some Attenborough documentaries?

Youarenotkiddingme Thu 19-May-16 18:27:17

Sorry to hear it didn't of well. sad

Can school arrange some sort of exit/timeout card for yiur DS and a safe place to go? So he doesn't have to show emotion it can be a rule based leaving strategy.

My DS has a timeout card. Sadly he isn't yet ready to use it before he explodes - he still runs out and may show the card as he goes! But he knows he has a get out which is easier for him iyswim?

Notthecarwashagain Sat 21-May-16 15:45:57

Sorry not been back to this before, DS has been awful for the past few days.
I don't know if it's a hormone surge, or if something else is bothering him, but he's so, so angry.
He's pretty much growling at me when I speak to him, and is spending most of his time in his room. His noises are off the scale loud too sad

A timeout card sounds like a great idea, youarenot. I'll ask the school if something like that can be done.
Glad it's working for your DS. It must be so hard for them!

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