Sorry, I have posted about this before, just worrying that I'm being over dramatic about ds3, and would either like some reassurance that going is the right thing, or to tell me to get a grip and cancel it.
Ds1 and 2 both have ASD (ds2 diagnosed through NHS, ds1 through non-clinical assessment). I am also diagnosed ASD.
Ds3 is showing similar signs to ds1 and 2, but with added stuff on top.
He has sensory issues with noise, smells and food, and sometimes with light.
He took ages to settle in school, and is still very upset if there's any change to our morning routine (eg if ds2 has a meltdown, or if there's a trip)
He doesn't like change.
If we go somewhere unfamiliar he will need the loo very often, and will feel sick and have a sore throat (all signs for him that he's anxious).
When something goes wrong at school he worries and is very repetitive (will ask the same question over and over until after 10pm, it's very difficult to distract him and we've learnt that we can't reassure him when he's like this)
We have an appointment next week. He was referred in January when he was still very upset about school and being very repetitive, going to the loo every 10 minutes at school, repeatedly asking when it was home time, crying every lunch time and break time.
He has settled down from this. Our lives are generally very ASD friendly, which is definitely helping him.
He likes to know exactly when something is happening. He will count down to events on our calendar (if it's a big thing, he will count a few times a day).
He doesn't like change and will become very anxious and whiny if we have to do something unexpectedly. If we go out for a meal, he will feel (and look) poorly until we are there, then will enjoy it.
He doesn't have meltdowns (as we have with ds1 and 2), but will whinge and cry a lot, expect ally after school.
He thinks he is Spiderman or Peter Parker. Every day he will talk a lot about superheroes and how to make a spiderman costume. He watches certain DVDs over and over again (when allowed, he's not sitting in front of screens all day!) and say the lines as they are being said (but doesn't recite them when not watching, so I don't think it's echolalia)
During the school day I don't think he's crying as much, but things still bother him and he'll cry about them at home a lot.
If he goes to a party, if it's a big party with people he doesn't know, he'll sit with me, if it's a small group of familiar people, he's fine. If we go to a family party he is wary of some people, but will happily play with his cousins.
As a baby he was very placid, very cuddly with me, Dh and his sister and brothers, but not with anyone else (is still like this). He rarely cried (unlike now!)
He had no words until he was 2. He did understand us though.
He started at a nursery when he was 2 and was there 5 months, he never spoke and spent the time with the teacher being very quiet and miserable. He then started with a childminder who made sure they went to regular, familiar places and he formed a good bond with her and the other mindees (although he never liked contact and cuddles).
He has an amazing imagination, usually being spiderman, but this is when he's playing alone, or someone is playing on his terms. At school during play times he often says no-one will play with him, but it's usually a case of him not wanting to play others' games. He will play and engage fine during lessons (now he's settled in) and his teacher has no concerns at all.
He is not a difficult child, and if we didn't have his older brothers as comparison, we probably wouldn't have worried about these things, but assumed he would grow out of them.
If things are familiar and regular, he is fine.
We asked for a referral mainly because we didn't spot anything in ds1 and 2 (we have with hindsight), and both of them reached a crisis point where it was difficult to manage them, particularly ds2.
But I don't know if it's worth going down this route on a just in case basis, when Ds is generally happy and settled with the strategies we use at home.
Sorry for the long post!
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.
SN children
Having a wobble about taking ds (5) to see the paediatrician.
PhilPhilConnors · 02/05/2016 15:10
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
We are in very much the same position with dd4. What I don't want to happen is the same shit where people are telling me what I am doing wrong as a parent, rather than actually looking for ASD.
I briefly asked dd2's (ASD) clinical psych what she thought. As DD4 is under 5, she said we'd be told to come back in 6 months after our initial visit. It would be with the community pead, who initially put dd2's behaviour down to sibling jealousy 
I'm seriously just not able to go down the same route. So we are waiting for 7 months, and then we can be referred to the same team at cahms who look after dd2.
Like you, if I didn't know about autism, I wouldn't suspect a thing. The only big clue for me is the social/communication issues. She has no friends. I didn't realise this. I thought it was me. I'm not friends with any of the mums at nursery, but I have 3 primary aged dds, and I'm usually rushing on school runs. At nursery parties though, I've realised dd doesn't interact with anyone, is desperately shy and averts eye contact. She's become a bit rough at home with cuddles, and since turning 3 has had massive sensory issues with clothes. To the point that nursery are calling us up on lack of socks/tights/coats. We've been down this path before. If a coat causes a meltdown and anxiety, I don't care, she's not going to die of cold.
Worryingly, she also is having some OCD signs just like dd2 does (dd2 is very popular though, so a very different presentation generally). I still wouldn't have called ASD if I hadn't already had a child diagnosed. In the meantime, we told nursery and I am asking her to observe her closely and report to us on all aspects of her interaction etc at nursery, I wish I had this for dd2, rather than believe that she was 'fine'.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.