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Explaining to other Mums!

(10 Posts)
Blossom4538 Sun 07-Feb-16 10:47:03

Hi there,
Quite new here and could really do with some friendship and advice! Basically, I'm starting to really struggle.

Something that I'm finding quite hard recently is meeting Mums or explaining things briefly to new Mums I meet.

My little one is in Reception at school and has been gradually building up her time. She has recently started staying all day so now I collect at school gates with the other Mums. I do know (not closely) one or two other Mums who kind of know what's going on. I just feel it's hard to explain the situation, sometimes in such a brief walk out of school at drop off or at busy parties! I know I don't have to, but would like them to know there are difficulties. A lot prob are curious/have an idea, but I don't want my little girl and our family to be seen as that wierd family or myself as a sh*t Mum. The children are mentioning that my little girl doesn't talk - so they prob know something is going on. How do you briefly explain things when it is not always physically obvious.

To fill u in briefly, our daughter is 4 and has had Sen referral and 1-1 in pre-school for high anxiety, problems with social interaction and some "unusual behaviours". She is now at school and will play, does struggle with interaction, won't talk so is likely to be diagnosed with selective mutism, some unusual, poss sensory behaviours when anxious or perhaps over excited. We have seen Paed, had play therapy, had motor skill assessment and have Ed Psych meeting in a few weeks.

At a recent party in front of the other mums, she had a meltdown due to anxiety/busy/noisy environment and had tantrum, hurt me and started removing clothes :-( I don't want people to think she is just naughty or we are strange. I feel I cope well in those situations (outwardly and practically anyway!) and calm her and kind of make light with other mums - hint at complex struggles.

Finding it hard at mo. She is popular within the classroom thankfully, but I know she hasn't been invited to some parties. When we walk home from school at end of the day, all her friends say hi/bye to her and it is lovely but so awkward as she won't answer, acknowledge or look at them. I see it makes her happy as she kind of holds in a smile. Obv the parents prob think she's rude or just shy. I then do the whole polite think in asking my daughter to say hi/bye BUT I know I am not supposed to pressurise her into talking! What can I do. How do you briefly explain to other parents? We have no formal diagnosis of anything at the moment and there are just many struggles.

Blossom4538 Sun 07-Feb-16 10:47:40

Sorry for long post, haha!

birdlover1977 Sun 07-Feb-16 12:39:54

Hello and welcome. I have two boys with special needs, they are 7 and 9 so I have been through / am going through this. I have informed the other parents that my boys have autism and that is why they find social situations difficult. The parents I have spoken to have been very understanding and actually are more accepting of my boys because of this, although saying that they still don't get invites to birthdays/play dates.

I just wanted to tell you that you are no alone. Best wishes x

Blossom4538 Sun 07-Feb-16 13:07:46

Ah, thank you!

I think because we don't fully 100% know what is going on and don't have any actual diagnosis, I find it tricky to explain currently. Some know she's very anxious and doesn't always talk. They just think she's very shy and perhaps hasn't had much interaction and always ask - "Did you send her to pre-school?"...which we did.

lamya190 Sun 07-Feb-16 13:29:16

Hi blossom, I'm in a similar situation! My son has started reception this yr and really enjoys it and from the best academically but is behind socially. He loves other children and is now starting to play with them but he is still not quite at their level. Like yours he is also quite popular all the children really love him and so does he. I have still not told any of the other mums about his diagnosis. I don't know if it's because I haven't felt that comfortable with anyone. It is up to us whether we disclose it or not really.. He is very good at parties, trips to the museums etc play centres, play dates and stuff we organise with the mums, restaurants etc. In conclusion it is subject that is so close to our hearts so it up to us if we feel comfortable about discussing it or not

lamya190 Sun 07-Feb-16 13:31:26

I forgot to mention he has high functioning autism. Hope all turns out well for your daughter

zzzzz Sun 07-Feb-16 13:37:33

Hi, my little girl used to be selectively mute, one of her brothers has asd and severe language disorder.

I would make a bee line to the Mum of one of the children who DOES say hello (better still if she is in a group of other Mums from your class) and say how very helpful and kind her little girl/boy has been and what a huge help it is that she says hello and doesn't get upset when dd doesn't answer because it is EXACTLY what will help her overcome her selective mutism and you really didn't know how to ask for them all to just keep on saying "hi".

People love to hear how kind and helpful their children are, and it is something they should be proud of.

It sounds like you are doing the party thing right so just keep on keeping on.

brew hang around we are a chatty bunch and we all face similar hurdles even if the root cause is different.

Blossom4538 Sun 07-Feb-16 14:29:34

Thank you,

Zzzzz, sorry to hear about your Son's and Daughter's struggles. How old was your daughter when she became selectively mute and how old when she overcame it? Did she have any help in overcoming it? Who officially diagnosed it? I think your idea is a good one! I have kind of said those things individually to one or two Mums but will take that approach. One of the Mums was lovely and naturally encouraged her boy to continue talking to my little girl, even without me mentioning anything!

Lamya, my little girl can't cope well at all with play dates, which is really hard. We had a very understanding Mum who hardly wanted to know us after experiencing a play date at or house! She is better out at parks etc or just playing out in our cul de sac with a little boy across the road. She likes idea of parties but does struggle. How did u get a diagnosis of hfa? What were the signs?

We just sat down with my little one to do her homework (practise writing names of family, teachers) and she just got stressed, scribbled everywhere, got aggressive and then started tipping our dining room chairs over. Had a mini meltdown so we didn't push her to do it and I've had a chat with her about it - she's now playing.

lamya190 Sun 07-Feb-16 17:41:55

Hi blossom, nursery picked up on his issues most as with us he was completely different! His issues there were lack of sharing especially with favourite toys, not much interaction with children and would get up and move if a child wanted to join in his play things like that oh yeh and short attention would only persist with a task if it was of interest. We just got a diagnosis in June and since starting school I can see lots of improvement in him which we are very happy about !

PagesOfABook Sun 07-Feb-16 21:48:26

I told people DS has a few issues that we're helping him with and he finds it hard to make friends. I only said this if there was a need - like if DS's behaviour was obviously a bit different.

Most people seemed quite kind when I said this - some probably put 2 and 2 together - and guessed it was autism

At least it gets some understanding without having to disclose everything.

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