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SN children

2 steps forward - 1 giant one back! Sooo upset!!

16 replies

scoobyww · 23/12/2006 14:36

Just need to get this off my chest!

Having had the most severe meltdown yet - resulting in ds2 (age 11 with ASD and OCD) smashing up the house - a psychiatrist finally prescribed some medication to get us through Christmas at least, when the situation will be reviewed to see how we move forward. Yippee, I thought! Perhaps Christmas will not be too traumatic for ds after all.

Yesterday, get a letter from a Social Worker (SW) who has been asked to assess us to see if they can offer any support and read that SW has spoken to a 'family therapist' at DCAP, who has seen ds twice (but he shut down on her and refused to go since) and me 4/5 times. Therapist has told SW that ds problems are all down to my poor parenting skills; my lack of consistent behaviour management and that I have labelled my child as 'bad'!! I have to stress that the therapist is not a medic, just a counsellor and did not even acknowledge dx for ds until 4th session.

I am just devastated. Now feel like the worst mother in the world. Part of me knows that what she has said is complete rubbish but another part wonders if she is right (although family/friends etc have told me that it is so not true).

Merry Christmas? Don't think so!

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Christie · 23/12/2006 15:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jimjams2 · 23/12/2006 15:55

oh this is dreadful Why do they let people with zero knowledge of ASD near families with children wiith ASD. They are dangerous dangerous dangerous.

You need to complain- but agree with Christie- need to get some professionals on your side. Which autism specific services are you involved with? They are generally very used to dealing with situations like this. People like autism outreach (who work wiith children in mainstream schools), perhaps the psychiatrist or a paediatrician or clinical psychologist would be able to help.

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7swansaswimmingup · 23/12/2006 16:01

god this is dreadful, poor you, no advice from me. but i hope you manage to try and put this awful womans words to the back of your mind for xmas (even said than done i know)

wouldnt see the therapist again tbh and i think id complain about her.

hope ds is ok over xmas for you

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ivelostmyboobsboohoo · 23/12/2006 16:08

oh scooby, i know exactly how you feel. i was sent on various parenting courses for my second ASD child (3yr11mth) before he was diagnosed then recently have been in contact with social services to try and get help for ds1 (8 yrs) who has been having trouble over last couple of months- i had wanted him to have some kind of mentor he could talk to. but every time i go and see this woman, she witters on and on about my childhood and how i'm subconsciously taking it out on ds1 and thus instigating his behaviour. for 1 thing i had a very happy childhood and secondly and most most importantly he actually has an ASD fgs. i feel like she has skimmed through a psychology handbook and applying all she can to our situation without actually thinking about it and working through a solution. needless to say, i havent bothered going again. its a waste of time.

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7swansaswimmingup · 23/12/2006 17:04

blimey is this what parents of asd children are up against! cant believe the way you are treated

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/12/2006 17:28

Would suggest as well that you talk to the National Autistic Society if you haven't done so already. They may be able to offer you further support and advice.

How on earth did you end up getting referred to such a lousy set of services?. These people ought to be shot frankly. A strongly written letter of complaint is certainly in order.

Social services are next to useless in such cases in any event (they will probably end up saying they cannot assist due to lack of resources).

Certainly not bother with this therapist again, waste of time all round.

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/12/2006 17:29

BTW who is DCAP?

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7swansaswimmingup · 23/12/2006 17:54

theres a drama on boxing day at 9pm about an autistic boy.looks very good and very heart rending,would love to know if its been filmed authentically or not

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JollyOldSaintNikkielas · 23/12/2006 20:21

its based one a true story I think I read somewhere

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ivelostmyboobsboohoo · 24/12/2006 08:57

7swans- yes thats what we have to put up with- and thats from supposed 'experts' who are meant to know about it. never mind the interfering, tut tutting people on the street.

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COPPERfeelunderSantasTOP · 24/12/2006 15:06

Where do they get these awful people from? I'm so sorry you've had to put up with that cr@p, Scooby xx

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scoobyww · 24/12/2006 20:52

Thanks to all of you who have responded.

I felt so low since I got the letter and as it came just before we got news that Mum-in-law has cancer...it was just awful timing!

Anyway, I am going to complain and will certainly be in touch with my local ASD support group and NAS as soon as they all re-open, to see if they can help.

Thank you all again - knew i could rely on you all for some support.

Merry Christmas to you all.

Scooby
xx

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7swansaswimmingup · 24/12/2006 21:51

merry xmas to you scooby.hope your ds has a calmish day tomorow for you.

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mamadadawahwah · 24/12/2006 22:31

If i didnt know better, i would hardly believe your first post. Unfortunately, it appears to be all too common that we parents of children with ASD are assumed to be the reason for our children's difficult behaviour. How predictable, how easy a target we are.

Nothing said of the crap education our kids get, the virtually non-existent services or lack of understanding they or we receive from the "professionals".

Dont let the bastards get you down. Just because they have hit their own brick wall in not understanding your family, or ASD for that matter, is no reason to believe that this has ANYTHING to do with you. Your situation with these people says more about them than it could possibly say about you.

Now go and get yourself a lovely glass of your favorite spirit, sit back content in the knowledge that you are the best mom that ever lived and your child loves you more than any child could ever love a parent. Keep this one for the book you will write in 20 years time. Enjoy your Christmas and come out fighting for the new year!

x

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scoobyww · 26/12/2006 20:46

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you - to all of you who have been kind enough to leave me a message ... you have all lifted my spirits a little ( although I am also cross that others have been through this too - do these people not realise that we have enough to contend with as it is??)

Christmas Day was very up and down - but not as bad as Christmas Eve (just too overwhelmed with excitement) so I must count my blessings! lol! ;)

Anyway, bless you all and hope you all have a very Happy New Year.
Scooby
xxx

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scoobyww · 31/12/2006 16:08

Just a little update...

Have spoken to my DS Psychiatrist about the therapist and he has advised me to meet with the therapist again, to try and 'resolve the issues'! I will go(along with someone who knows us well, for moral support!)and then will not go again. Psych also advised that there may not be much more that DCAP (Department for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry) can do for DS, as he is refusing to go and they may have to discharge him. He did say that the GP can continue to prescribe meds (good!!) and that Social Services can be contacted in times of crisis (Very funny! They are a waste of time here!!)

Anyway, I have decided to just get on with things by ourselves from now on, as the 'support' services have been worse than useless so far. I will document all of this for my book!!

Happy New Year to all of you wonderful people!

Scooby
xx

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