Young asd/adhd girls

[Msqueen33]

I've got three girls of six, five and three. My youngest two have autism. The middle moderate with asd, adhd and spd. Youngest is non verbal. I'd love to chat to other mums who have girls with autism. On Courses I've met parents have boys so it'd be nice to chat to parents with girls.

[imip]

Hello, I have 4 dds. Dd2 is 7 and has ASD/PDA. We've not mentioned this out loud yet, but we have concerns about dd4, who is 4 next week. We definitely think she has sensorial issues and a couple of other traits, but we are just keeping on ATM.

I've been on two courses/drop ins this week, and of the approx 40 attendees, only one other was a girl.

[PandasRock]

Hi,

I have 3 dc on the spectrum. Dd1 is 11, and has severe ASD. she is verbal, and thanks to her fabulous school (and lots of drive and hard work from her!) she is doing brilliantly.

Dd2 is almost 9, and has Aspergers/HFA. She is in a mainstream school, and doing well also, although her school is not so good at recognising issues.

I also have a ds, age 3 who is also ASD.

It's a riot in our house at times

[Ineedmorepatience]

Hi I also have a Dd with Asd and Spd, she is academically able but school was a nightmare for her due to lack of appropriate provision /support!

She is 13 and is currently home educated.

Welcome to the board

[Msqueen33]

It's unusual that no one with girls seem to pop up on these courses. Sad as a Sen journey can be quite lonely. Pandasrock, your youngest is a similar age to mine 😄 I know this is silly but how do you feel having more than one child on the spectrum? I adore my girls but feel like I've failed them. I also feel very alone as I don't really know anyone who have child especially girls with Sen

[Ineedmorepatience]

Are you on facebook? Not the same as face to face but there are some good closed groups on there!

I am on lots of home ed ones at the moment but if I see any Asd girls groups I will share them on here

[Msqueen33]

I'm on a great asd group but not met too many with girls and some are secret. God bless Facebook it does have some uses. Thanks ineedmorepatience that would be great

[HelsBels3000]

My eldest DD (7) is diagnosed ADHD and suspected ASD - I could definitely do with some support from parents in some boat. Feel like we are doing the wrong thing all the time. Hard work.

[SENMumoftwo]

Hi Ms I have a teenage girl with ASD & Dyslexia. She was only picked up and diagnosed after failing or rather, be failed at Secondary School!

[outputgap]

Hallo. I've only just worked out how to view these boards. Duh!

My dd, who is 4, is in the assessment process for what I guess will be aspergers.

On the guilt thing, I read that aspergers may be triggered by neonatal infection, which she had, so that makes me feel bad in one way, as maybe there's an alternative life in which she would be another person. But then quite a lot of her, er, particularities are recognisable from me, or my family, just more souped up, so to speak!

I don't have a diagnosis yet, but have found out that one of my park mum friends has a child with aspergers, so just talking to her was great.

[Ineedmorepatience]

SENMumoftwo sadly your story is common, undiagnosed girls are aften recognised after they fall apart during or around the move to secondary!

Its very hard to manage at secondary, my Dd3 was diagnosed in yr 4 but she still couldnt manage yr 7, she is now home ed!

outputgap dont believe all the reasons for causes of Asd/Aspergers that you read/hear seriously there is a different one most days of the week!

Good luck with the assessments!

[Ineedmorepatience]

Msqueen33 If you put Girls with autism into the search on facebook it finds quite a few groups, you could join them all and then leave the ones that dont suit you! Thats what I have been doing with the home ed groups.

Good luck

[twinkletoedelephant]

I have a nearly 10 yr old girl waiting for assessment both me and the school agree she prob has aspergers HFA. I also have twins one HFA and one ADHD they are like chalk and cheese.
Autism shows up so differently in girls than boys. Ds is generally a happy soul where as dd is full of sky high anxiety and worry and is constantly on a downer... She can be exhausting.

[SENMumoftwo]

Sadly, I am finding that out as the more groups I am on, the more I see these stories.

Does your DD enjoy the HE, Ineed? does she lead you or do you have it more structured?

Msqueen, that's how I found the groups also - FB can be useful

outputgap, I didn't have anything like that, during pregnancy or childbirth, and my DD has Autism. I personally don't believe those things.

[Ineedmorepatience]

We all love HE SEN Dd3 is so much less stressed and we can do as much or a little as she can cope with!

We have done lots of trips, joined 2 lovely HE groups and are doijg something active most days!

We havent done much structured learning but I have just discovered the Plymouth uni enhanced maths program which we started to look at yesterday!

Its tricky to find a point at which to start because she is bright but lacks confidence and has some specific learning diffs! She gets bored very quickly if things are too easy but frustrated very quickly if they are too hard!

Hey ho we will get there!

[outputgap]

Yes, you're absolutely right, I will take the cause stuff with a large pinch of salt. I prefer the idea that that is just who she is. And, you know, she's lovely. I'm a big fan of clear black and white, rules and certainty, and so is she.

ineedmore, even though she's just started at school, I'm already struggling with the judgment about how far to push homework. I totally recognise what you're saying about being really quick to get frustrated, and actually, that character trait is very different to me and dh, so I find it much harder to judge the appropriate response. I want to help her to thrive at the academic stuff, because I want her to have something at school that is a refuge, and a source of high self esteem. It's already obvious that negotiating the intricacies of female friendship groups, and generally playtime, isn't going to be her thing. But she gets so very upset if things don't go right, and I don't want to discourage her at all. For example, I had a massive fail at Xmas with riding her new bike. She just ended up screaming and howling whatever we did. It was awful.

We are supposed to be getting advice from an early support team, and my response to these sort of issues is something I definitely would like advice about. I don't want to do the normal behaviour management stuff with her sometimes because it feels like she's not choosing to be 'naughty', but can't help express the anguish or fear or whatever. But I don't want to step back from actively parenting her either.

twinkletoes, I recognise the anxiety too. Mine isn't anxious per se but you can see her almost physically alert for things to worry about.

[Ineedmorepatience]

I understand what you are saying about behaviour management!

You will develop your own style eventually and learn what works for you and your Dd!

Its important to remember that most children want to do well, they dont want to meltdown or be "naughty" but things in their world are difficult to deal with and they need us to guide us through the difficult things!

I see my roll partly as scaffolding, when Dd3 is not anxious and coping well, I do very little but when I can see or feel that she is not coping I step in a support her as much or as little as she needs! This is why home ed works for us because she needs that scaffold and she wasnt getting it at school!

I have had yrs of practice though and have messed up many times!