New baby and autistic 3 yr old

[amyclaire85]

Hi, my second son is due in 5 weeks and I'm getting a bit apprehensive about how my 3yr old autistic son will take it.
He seems to have a keen interest in babies and says baby when he points to my tummy but I'm not sure if he really understands!
Anyone got any tips on how to make it easier on him?
I am already hoping to be out of hospital asap after the baby is born as I'm worried what he'll be like without me at home. (Although I joked to my dp that I was gonna have a weeks holiday in hospital! )

[COPPERfeelunderSantasTOP]

I think that what helped was trying as much as possible to stick to the same routines as before. It's obviously not always going to be do-able but it was easier when the baby fitted in around whatever ds1/ds2 usually did rather than vice versa.

Ds1 (autistic) was almost 3 when ds2 was born. Ds2 (autistic) was 3 when dd was born. For the first few weeks the 3yr-old paid absolutely no attention to the new baby. The only reaction was if the crying hurt their ears. After that something clicked and the 3yr-old would do things like rocking the baby's pram when they cried or giving them toys to hold (not always appropriate ones though ).

FWIW my 2 boys didn't seem to be bothered at all by me not being there while I was in hospital. I'm still not sure whether that's a good thing or not!

[DINOsaurmummykissingsantaclaus]

My DS1 was two when DS2 was born. He didn't have any speech at the time and we hadn't been able to tell him about the baby in any way he could understand at all. At least it shouldn't come as quite such a shock to your 3 year old, if you've been able to talk to him a bit.

DS1 also hated DS2 crying - like coppertop's DSs, it really seemed to hurt his ears!

[luckylady74]

I really agree with coppertop - my ds1 (aspergers) was nearly 3 when twins were born and i totally stuck to his routine. The start was a bit of a disaster - a week in hospital for me meant ds1 had gone a bit wild at home and the first words he seemed to hear around them were NO from hysterical grandparents worried the bouncing ds1 was going to hurt fragile babies, i really wished we'd managed the homecoming a bit better - in retrospect we'd have managed better on our own!
I used to breastfeed them b4 dh left for work and then just before we left the house which meant they'd just sleep all morning when we were out so playgroup/park stayed the same for ds1 and then they'd feed when he had lunch. I was really lucky in that ds1 still napped up to 31/2!
We have a charity in our area called homestart that provides a fellow mum as helper for 2 hours a week arranged through health visitor. But i did kind of let them cry for a little bit if it meant finishing the jigsaw and then switching the video on! They are very content nearly 2 yr olds so i don't think it did much harm. My dh did his bath so that kept the same routine and kept the same weekend activities going. My ds1 rejected everyone but dh and i for a while so we had to wean him back on to going out with grandparents again.
The lovely thing is that you've had one baby already so ther's none of the new baby anxiety and you know what to do1 Sorry to ramble on - good luck

[amyclaire85]

Thanks all for your messages. Will try and keep him in the same routine as usual and I guess we will have to see how he goes when the time comes!!