Dilemma re: school...........any advice?

[ari11]

I'm hoping for some advice from all you experienced and wise mumsnetters! My ds age 5 (adhd and suspected HFA) has had problems at school since he started in reception. The school which is a very large (120 pupils per year) mainstream school have tried their hardest and have provided 1:1 support but he is still struggling and being restrained almost daily. They don't seem to be able to identify his triggers although I feel they are quite obvious and they also don't have a quiet space for him to calm down in. He now attends the local PRU 2 days a week and appears to be doing really well there with no restraints yet (fingers crossed!) and meeting all his targets. They seem to have better strategies to manage his behaviour and also there are only 6 others in his class so it is generally a more calm and quiet environment. The problem I have is, do I find a smaller school which may have a more calm environment but he doesn't know anyone as he finds it difficult to make/or keep friends. Or is it worth persevering at his current school where he is familiar with the teachers and has a few friends. Also at the moment he attends a before and after school club (part time) which he absolutely loves and he is well liked and popular there:) If he moves schools he will no longer be able to attend the club:( Any advice?

[ari11]

Thanks polter, I too, really have concerns about the restraints! I have a meeting with the school and PRU next week to discuss his progress and I will definitely be bringing it up. Also we will be starting the process of applying for a EHCP. Do you know if it better for the school to apply or for the parents to as I have received conflicting opinions. Is it true that if the parents apply it doesn't carry as much weight as if the school apply. Up until now we have been advised against it by the school as he is receiving high needs block funding but I think we need a plan in place that can be transferred if we change schools. I agree the school is a sensory nightmare, the PRU tried ear defenders on Monday which helped him focus and I passed this on to the school asking for them to let me know if they had any and if they didn't I would get some. The only response l I got in the home diary is that they thought it was a good idea and they would investigate. Still hadn't heard anything today so I have bought him some and will be sending them in to school!! The only thing at the moment that is stopping me from changing his school is that he doesn't cope well with change and I worry that it may make his anxiety worse and also the making new friends thing. Also he actually doesn't mind going to school at the moment which is a positive. On the other hand could it get any worse and is it better to change early...........decisions, decisions!

[OneInEight]

I would recommend as Polter has said to apply for an EHCP yourself as this means your ds will get a full assessment of needs. Have school called in an EP, OT or someone with good ASD knowledge for advice. I do understand that teachers may need to use restraint very occasionally but a daily occurrence is not acceptable for them or your son. As the school has shown it is not an effective behaviour management tool and may well almost certainly be making your ds's anxiety worse. They should be focusing much more on prevention - reducing the sensory overload and the anxiety - than containment.

I would at least look around other schools - they do vary in their level of calmness and routine - it is not so much size but attitude that matters so it is possible that he would cope better in another & I can't really imagine how it could be much worse. Do you have a local ASD support group as that can give you lots of insider information about provision at local schools. His experience at the PRU shows that when his needs are being met he will do well and this has to be your mantra when talking to the school and LEA. It maybe that he needs a placement at a special school to thrive (we have gone this route with ds1) but until you have an EHCP plan this option is probably not open to you.

[ari11]

Thanks oneineight he has been seen by an ep and the school implemented some of the recommended strategies but not all. I believe they are not being applied consistently despite regular meetings with the school and lots of pushing! They always seem reactive rather than proactive Also the ot was useless as she said she didn't see evidence of sensory defensiveness because he didn't startle or cover his ears when there were loud noises. However the paediatrician , school, pru and us parents all agree that there are sensory issues. Will definitely try the local asd group as I havent contacted them yet as we haven't a diagnosis and dh still in denial a bit (although he has been amazing with the school as he's a lot more assertive than I am)! We have a meeting with school, pru etc on thurs so will let them know we are going to apply for a ehcp and also will speak with the pru, who have been amazing, to see if in their opinion their may be a school that is a better fit for my ds. Thanks for all your advice it's really appreciated and will let u know how I get on

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

I would urge you to personally apply for an EHCP for your son (do not let school do this) and use IPSEA's website //www.ipsea.org.uk. They also offer a callback service and I would consider speaking to them to get their advice as well.

[ari11]

Just an update! Still feeling confused after the meeting on Thurs. Some positives and some negatives. Feedback from PRU was excellent and they said he was a little angel there :) no behavioural problems observed although she did feel he had SPD. So nice to get positive feedback. They also discussed with the school that they should try de-escalation first and restraint as a last resort. School looked really embarrassed when I listed all the reasons for his restraints which I had documented. Also they said to school that its ok for my son to avoid certain situations, such as assembly, that he struggles with which raises his already high anxiety levels. On a positive note the school also recognise that he struggles with change to his routine and timetable so they have been taking him out of class to work with his 1:1 when there were open mornings this week or changes to the routine and will give me a visual timetable that I can use at home to prepare him on school days. He uses ear defenders at PRU and they suggested he use them at school but my ds had a little disagreement with the teacher about when he should wear them (he would like to wear them a lot but the teacher wants him to take them off when giving insructions). The teacher from the PRU said that they let them wear them all the time if they want as they can still hear if sitting in front of the teacher. I got the feeling that the school are working hard but appear to want to fix his difficulties rather than managing them in a positive way. I will be applying for an EHCP and plan to meet with the PRU for a review and discuss whether they feel the school is the best fit for my son or whether there may be others more set up for children with my sons difficulties (still awaiting further assessments from the paed team but understand it could take a while). Thanks for all your advice

[Ineedmorepatience]

The ear defender thing is typical of a teacher who has no clue about how sensitive hearing can be!

I worked with a little one last yr who wore ear defenders pretty much all the time during pre school sessions, she could hear even with them on, I could have a normal volume conversation with her! Without them the noise in the room was totally overwhelming for her!

Good luck with applying for the EHCP and I hope the PRU continue to be helpful, they sound really good!

In my experience you are right about schools wanting to fix our children, they cannot get their heads around a different way of working!

Good luck