Younger child copies dire behaviour of older SN child - struggling to cope

[Lictionary]

Pls help.

Oldest dd is just 5 but about 12 - 18 months younger in many respects. While her aggressive behaviour is managed relatively well she shrieks and makes a LOT of noise. With poor attention she flits from toy to toy, rarely settling and demanding attention at every opportunity. She is fully statemented.

Younger DD (2) is copying. When her older sister isn't here then she plays independently for long periods of time, talks well and life is settled.

I have had enough today, and hit a new low when the bloke in the corner shop asked if I was ok and I burst into tears. The two children together ARE SO LOUD. Just continual never ending noise and grabbing my clothes, scratching, demanding food and almost constant shrieking.

I can't change dd1. I know that. But how do I communicate to dd2 that she should behave?

[LeChien]

We have this too.
Ds3 (now 4) has copied a lot of the lashing out and swearing. As he's got older though he's got better at understanding that he's not allowed to do it, and I've been reassured by his childminder that he's never lashed out or sworn with her, so I think a lot of it is in reaction to ds2.

I think the only thing you can do is consistently parenting her as a NT child and reinforcing what she can and can't do. It's hard though.
Earplugs help!

[Myst97]

Same here! No helpful advice I'm afraid but just to say I feel your pain.

My son's two yr review was during the summer holidays so my daughter age 5 came to the appt too. His (and her behaviour) frankly horrified the health visitor who insisted on a further visit at home. This was today when of course my daughter was back at school. The net result was the health visitor saying 'no need for a referral it's just that he's copying his sister. He's such a different child on his own. Delightful and engaging, such concentration. All you need to do is change his sister's behaviour!" facepalm

Hugs

[Lictionary]

Are there any techniques I can use? Picked up older dd from school today and it was downhill until bedtime.

Such utterly crap behaviour.

[LeChien]

I don't know, we have the same.
The only thing we do that does help improve is try to be regimented and strictly timetabled from home time until after tea, when dh is usually home, then there's an extra pair of hands to keep them separated until bedtime.

My older two are getting better at taking the 4 yr old away when ds is melting down.

[Myst97]

Just say I don't know either but that I agree with LeChien. It's what we do too.

[Purplepoodle]

Bit late but I'm having the same with ds2(4) and ds3 (2). Ds2 is very aggressive, spitting, hitting, kicking, bad words (luckily he hasn't learned proper swear words). I struggle but stick to time outs - it sit with 2 yr old but ignore him. Also lots of postie praise but it is super hard and every day to s a struggle

[MrsBobDylan]

I hear you!My DS is 5 and has ASD.He has an older brother,8 and younger brother who's 1.It is harder to control the noise escalation between the younger two. I think at 2, your DD is too young to understand and quite naturally copies her sibling but I know how infuriating it is from experience.

Ds3 finds DS2's autistic behaviours so thrilling, he follows him around usually resulting in a shove from ds2 who needs his space.

The only solution I've found is keeping them separate, which requires constant effort and is quite often impossible.

Sorry, not much help but and for you.

[Shesinfashion]

My generally placid, easy going 7 year old (ASD) is currently copying the hideous, violent, OTT behaviour of her NT 9 year old sister. Am losing the plot and am on the verge of a breakdown.