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3 year old not engaging and delayed speech

(14 Posts)
Bananasinpyjamas1 Sun 13-Sep-15 19:46:48

Hi! Not sure if this is the right place to post.

My 3 year old just had an ADOS assessment but haven't had the results yet - I paid for it myself as I wanted to speed things up. He:
- doesn't like play groups, had to stop going.
- has eye contact and responds to name
- loves numbers/alphabet
- doesn't like loud noises
- leads me to things but doesn't ask for anything
- doesn't speak in sentences, only nouns
- lines up his toys and doesn't do imaginative play or like engaging with others back and forth. Leads me around.

Whether or not he gets any diagnosis may be a while yet - just wondered how to help him now? I'm not sure even how to potty train him, help him ask for things when he doesn't understand 'want' or points to things he wants.

2boysnamedR Sun 13-Sep-15 21:55:32

There is a potty training guide on cerebra I think? I'm struggling with that myself.

Turn taking games are important for engaging, turn taking etc

zzzzz Sun 13-Sep-15 22:28:24

the first thing is to find something he really wants and then use that to teach him.
nb mine learnt to read before he learnt to join words together. You don't have to follow the usual path. Does he know his numbers alphabet? You say he loves them. Start labelling things. Put food in one of three cups on a high shelf, label them 1, 2 or 3 and ask him which he wants. Teach him how to choose and how to use his voice to get what he wants.

I miss those days now. Sometimes I have a little dream that I will get to teach a little person to talk again blush Try and enjoy it, its an amazing adventure.

shazzarooney99 Mon 14-Sep-15 06:39:08

what you have to remember is he is only 3 a lot of these things he wont do anyway and the loud noise thing is normal too i would say untill around 4.

Now for speech always always give choices,say for instance if he wants a drink, which cordial would you like? orange or blackcurrant? which cup would you like it in the red cup or the yellow cup, try and do this as much as possible. also talk to him as much as possible.

zzzzz Mon 14-Sep-15 09:30:51

shazza has hit on a massive pint that I don't think I understood for ages. While children with autism do grow into adults with autism, they still grow upgrin I don't know why that passed me by but there you go! For us the development has been amazing. Still extraordinarily different but talking, reading, jokes, potty training are all firmly here. Ds didn't say names till I taught him at 3:3. Life is good and he, and we, are happy.

Bananasinpyjamas1 Mon 14-Sep-15 16:49:52

Thank you all, I will try all those suggestions! It's just so nice to have some advice from people who know.

My DP is a little defensive and didn't want to encourage him with numbers etc but I thought, this is what he loves, and got number and alphabet cards and toys.

He knows all the alphabet, upper lower case, and now knows a lot of words. Trying to get him to choose sounds right - because he doesn't ask for anything at all. He is a happy little boy but does get fustrated easily, used to freak out if anyone else talked to me or social situations but many of these things are getting better with time it is true.

2boysnamedR Mon 14-Sep-15 18:26:45

Ah asd + 3 years old. Very true as where does "he's 3" stop and "asd" start.

Very tricky age at the best of times, throw in some "no desire to please" and let the fun begin!

A nice lady also told me to buy some stickers of Dcs favourite thing and stick it on things he wouldn't normally choose. "Oh look, fireman Sam likes organic musli" But alas, my ds has no intense interests.

Bananasinpyjamas1 Mon 14-Sep-15 19:27:30

His interests are just numbers and letters! He would pick something up with a number on but wouldn't play with it - just look at the numbers.

He has a train set with blocks but he just uses this to line them up.

2boysnamedR Mon 14-Sep-15 19:55:25

Ds lines all sorts up, condiment bottles at restaurants, cushions on the floor, toys in front of the TV. He gets mad when they have to be put back! I'm currently looking at his "path" of cushions across the room. Sigh, I would like some behind my back.....

AgnesDiPesto Mon 14-Sep-15 20:16:54

Look at teachmetotalk.com for toy ideas DS was same at that age but quite liked ball popper toys, jack in box, cars down ramps, marble runs, hammer toys anything cause and effect. You can then grab the pieces and hold out of reach and he has to ask for it. Don't buy the instruction vids they have free ones on YouTube.

If he likes numbers and letters try wooden inset jigsaws with numbers and letters and he has to ask you for the pieces eg Melissa and Doug or ELC do them (TK Maxx, NCT sales, ebay often have cheap ones). He will probably be motivated to get the pieces to complete it. So for eg just take one piece out and hold it where can see it and model what he has to say 'a' and if he does hand it over. Then expand it so he has to say 'I want ' or 'give me' and build up the letters he has to ask for

You can do this with food too.

He may need lots of practice so we used to break biscuits into tiny pieces so he would have to ask 10 times in a row, the repetition was really important

Does he like tickles, rough and tumble being swung around. DS had few interests at 3 but liked that sort of play so we used that as a reward eg this is an eg of using rewards to encourage speech, sorry it's supernanny but the therapist is ABA consultant. We have used ABA to teach DS. His progress has been slow but steady. He is now 8, in mainstream with ABA support, can read, write and do maths (albeit behind his peers), he can talk in short sentences. But progress varies massively and some children's speech does come in much faster.

If he can label things and do patterns you know he can learn. I would def rec looking at getting some ABA training yourself as that was key for us - learning how to get DS to do what we wanted, teaching him how to imitate and learning how to use rewards / manage his behaviour. Once we had those skills we have used them to teach him everything else and I mean everything from riding a bike, using longer sentences, working out change to wiping his bum.

You can also look at pecs even if you continue to work on speech pecs is a good intro to ABA techniques of rewards and how to expand language again there are videos on YouTube.

Join a toy library if he isn't into toys so you don't end up spending a fortune on things he doesn't like. You can get some cheap light up spinning tops etc which DS really liked. His favourite reward was a free leaflet about a farm (he loved cows!), the flash cards (he often chose work things as rewards) and a singing skeleton from a supermarket Halloween bargain bin (it played a silly song and danced). Look at what he gravitates towards and make a mental note to put away in a box and bring it out when you want to work on language.

While I shouldn't encourage screens poissonrouge is a nice site at that age which is cause and effect and CBeebies has some nice games - sometimes when DS had no interests letting him play on sites like that gave me a break and saved my sanity. Again if he likes them you can use them as rewards for doing stuff you want him to do.

Don't worry about toilet training, 4+ is usual for asc or dev delay. We did it with ABA support using rewards so again if you find a framework which works you can use that as a way of teaching anything.

Bananasinpyjamas1 Mon 14-Sep-15 22:20:31

Thanks for that. I gave up a few months ago with trying to get him to say 'bread' - which he can say - but to ask for toast. I put a little in front with a picture of bread and the word bread, which he can read. But he went crazy!

But maybe he will now, I should try again. I don't really know how ABA training works.

zzzzz Tue 15-Sep-15 00:26:43

The real key is not to give up. To reward any attempts at communication. Language wise he sounds very similar to ds1. We had lots of nouns, colours, letters and numbers (and music). We muddle along now and he can report an injury/grievance, tell rather basic "jokes", and goes to school with a lot of support. We are still in the diagnostic process but I am assured they are coming to a conclusion soon <sigh> He is 10. They have been umming and ahhing as to if he is language disordered or autistic (he is cuddly and friendly and very un-autistic in some ways but I think that will be the dx as it is a bad fit but better than nothing IYSWIM)
Does your son have names? Mummy/Daddy/friends names?
this place is lovely for things grin www.absorbentminds.co.uk/acatalog/Absorbent_Minds.html

nb one of the best things I bought was a tiny indoor basketball hoop. dh used to shoot hoops with him when he got in from work....it provided some normality and they both got quite good at it grin

find things for him to shine at and do not be persuaded to stop the reading with him. I did as they said he should be concentrating on talking....rubbish! Children like everyone else do well when they are allowed to shine.

Bananasinpyjamas1 Tue 15-Sep-15 20:33:14

Thanks zzzzz we actually have a big outdoor basket ball hoop! DP and DS both love it but DS is at 3 years a little small to actually get them in. He just runs around.

DS has names now - only just got them, waited until a few months ago and suddenly he does say mummy, daddy and his brothers name. yes I don't want to 'pressure' him to speak, encourage yes, but I see nothing wrong in doing the numbers/letters that he loves. Must find out about ABA training. No idea how he will cope with school, how he'll become.

zzzzz Wed 16-Sep-15 14:02:43

Buy a mini one for inside with a mini foam ball. Ours hooked on a radiator. There used to be a little tikes one that dinged a bell when you scored which might appeal wink

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