DD 14 has suspected ASD but in true form won't engage with any professionals or school on any level.
She is highly social but very immature with in these friendships. She has a honeymoon period where all is lovely then the bossing about starts then the almighty fallout in which she wants everyone to share her anger when they don't they are also added to the drama list.
She must control every aspect of her life and her friends or she gets so irate she is isolated by staff. If a supply teachers in she refuses to engage and disrupts in a major way till again removed from the room. She has to sit by a wall near the door if not she refuses to sit and is eventually yet again removed from
class.
She rarely engages with anything and can appear very selfish and lazy when in fact she is a very sensitive paranoid soul that feels everything is out to destroy her. If people laugh she assumes it's at her she has a permanent pouty expression which does draw attention but then she gets irate when people look at her.
Her temper is unreal 0-100 the second she is challenged or re directed. Highly disorganised and awful time keeping.
This all sounds very negative I know she can be delightful at home but very very rarely at school. Her choice of friends is a bit worrying also she is quite drawn into volatile relationships and finds others "boring". When delightful she is bubbly and excitable and a joy to be around its just seems one minor thing can knock all that in a second.
Any advice/ ideas? I have tried everything to support her to engage but she is very stubborn and won't.
I am very worried for her future at school and socially the holidays have been 6 long weeks of drama and fallouts and phone calls from friends parents .
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Someone advise me teen girls ASD
Givemestrength42 · 31/08/2015 16:05
Yeah, Hi giveme, I have given your post some thought today and given that your Dd wont engage with anyone it is tricky to make suggestions!
All I can think is maybe getting some books about Asd and leaving them in very obvious places! "The girl with the curly hair" has written a book specifically for teenagers with Asd which might be worth a look at.
Does she have just one staff member at school who she has a good relationship with?
Dd3 is not quite a teen and has been diagnosed since she was 9 so its a different story for us, however secondary school was a disaster and she isnt going back for yr8.
Have you read much about PDA?! Your Dd sounds very demand avoidant and she might fit that profile.
Also try to read "The explosive child" by Ross Greene, it is a real eye opener and there is a website to support parents!
Also keep coming on here, it is quiet at the moment with people getting back into routine or still on holiday 
Hope some of that helps 
Its very common sadly for undiagnosed and diagnosed children/young people with Asd to fall apart at secondary! The environment is often just to much for them 
Dd3 had so many issues with her school, it was too big, to strict, too much pressure, too little training for the staff, a senco who couldnt see what the problems were and who was happy to pretend everything was fine! Staff changes, group changes, communication, lack of communication! I could go on all night but it was too complicated to solve. Her school was a good school for typically developing children but many aspies and auties are not thriving there
give
I have 4 dc. Ds1 NT. Dd1 aged 16 who has just been referred for ASD assessment. Dd2 aged 12 who was dx aged 11 with ASD. Ds2 aged 10 who has just been referred for ASD assessment.
They're all different and have different problems/ways. I'll talk about dd1 (who is 16 and just been referred). I found her behaviour started to get better in her teenage years. However, socially she seemed to regress. I didn't realise she may have ASD until we went through the dx process with her younger sister. She too didn't like to look different/admit there was a problem. Unlike your dd though, she was very quiet and unassuming in school. She currently has 1 friend, and I feel like I have to keep reminding/guiding dd on how to behave/text etc so as not to be too full on/bossy. She's somehow made 2 other 'friends' and I'm quite wary of this as they're girls she's never known and who don't know her. These new friends are more streetwise shall we say, to be polite.
I'm realising as I'm typing that this probably doesn't help you at all! Sorry, I know what in's my head but I'm struggling to convey it to you. 
If your dd refuses to engage with anyone then I can't imagine you will get very far with help at school/dx process etc. BUT, surely that should tell professionals BIG TIME that your dd may have problems?! Why can't professionals see the obvious the same way us parents can? I can only think to have a meeting with the Senco and try to get 1 good teacher to work with your dd. It will take time. Maybe leave dd to her own devices for a while so she doesn't feel like she's constantly being bombarded with help/thoughts/problems? My dd didn't/doesn't like me talking about her 'difficulties'. I think she accepts them in her head but doesn't want them talked about because then they're real iyswim?
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