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Someone advise me teen girls ASD

(13 Posts)
Givemestrength42 Mon 31-Aug-15 16:05:52

DD 14 has suspected ASD but in true form won't engage with any professionals or school on any level.
She is highly social but very immature with in these friendships. She has a honeymoon period where all is lovely then the bossing about starts then the almighty fallout in which she wants everyone to share her anger when they don't they are also added to the drama list.
She must control every aspect of her life and her friends or she gets so irate she is isolated by staff. If a supply teachers in she refuses to engage and disrupts in a major way till again removed from the room. She has to sit by a wall near the door if not she refuses to sit and is eventually yet again removed from
class.
She rarely engages with anything and can appear very selfish and lazy when in fact she is a very sensitive paranoid soul that feels everything is out to destroy her. If people laugh she assumes it's at her she has a permanent pouty expression which does draw attention but then she gets irate when people look at her.
Her temper is unreal 0-100 the second she is challenged or re directed. Highly disorganised and awful time keeping.
This all sounds very negative I know she can be delightful at home but very very rarely at school. Her choice of friends is a bit worrying also she is quite drawn into volatile relationships and finds others "boring". When delightful she is bubbly and excitable and a joy to be around its just seems one minor thing can knock all that in a second.
Any advice/ ideas? I have tried everything to support her to engage but she is very stubborn and won't.
I am very worried for her future at school and socially the holidays have been 6 long weeks of drama and fallouts and phone calls from friends parents .

Givemestrength42 Tue 01-Sep-15 17:05:17

Anyone?

Ineedmorepatience Tue 01-Sep-15 17:32:08

Yeah, Hi giveme, I have given your post some thought today and given that your Dd wont engage with anyone it is tricky to make suggestions!

All I can think is maybe getting some books about Asd and leaving them in very obvious places! "The girl with the curly hair" has written a book specifically for teenagers with Asd which might be worth a look at.

Does she have just one staff member at school who she has a good relationship with?

Dd3 is not quite a teen and has been diagnosed since she was 9 so its a different story for us, however secondary school was a disaster and she isnt going back for yr8.

Have you read much about PDA?! Your Dd sounds very demand avoidant and she might fit that profile.

Also try to read "The explosive child" by Ross Greene, it is a real eye opener and there is a website to support parents!

Also keep coming on here, it is quiet at the moment with people getting back into routine or still on holiday smile

Hope some of that helps flowers

onlyoneboot Tue 01-Sep-15 18:02:36

My recently diagnosed DD1 is 15 and I'm now homeschooling her and DD2 who is 12, also ASD. Neither of them would engage at all with teachers which ended up making school impossible.

My DDs are opposite to yours socially, they have either been dropped like hot cakes or they have cut friends off so they are totally isolated. Luckily they get on incredibly well together.

I would second The Girl with the Curly Hair. I bought a few books in the lead up to assessment and just left them out. They offer a clear insight into aspects of ASD that I think my DDs related to and found reassuring.

PDA strategies too. DD1 tends to internalise but is very avoidant and I found these helpful.

Sorry, not much advice but a diagnosis has certainly brought calm and understanding here after some turbulent times.

onlyoneboot Tue 01-Sep-15 18:07:39

Is there any part of the school she feels safe and calm? DD1's school tried to build a timetable around the art department so she was engaged with the place if not the people. Unfortunately, it was too late for us but it was a good idea in theory!

Givemestrength42 Tue 01-Sep-15 20:07:20

Thanks I will get those books! I have tried, tried and tried to persuade her to engage. She was first refered aged 8 got her there but she left the room after 5 minutes and has refused since! She was observed in school by CAMHS had no idea they were coming but still sussed out they were watching her and spent the whole time saying "stop looking at me what are you writing".
DD often gets dropped by friends however I worry now people are slightly wary to cross her which is not good. She likes a few members of staff till they expect her to work or challenge her then it's a quick turn to "hate".
She also has issues with food and always has had a very restricted diet. Only beige only one at a time.
At primary she was doing really well it just seems to have crumbled since secondary at an alarming rate!

Ineedmorepatience Tue 01-Sep-15 20:50:06

Its very common sadly for undiagnosed and diagnosed children/young people with Asd to fall apart at secondary! The environment is often just to much for them sad

Dd3 had so many issues with her school, it was too big, to strict, too much pressure, too little training for the staff, a senco who couldnt see what the problems were and who was happy to pretend everything was fine! Staff changes, group changes, communication, lack of communication! I could go on all night but it was too complicated to solve. Her school was a good school for typically developing children but many aspies and auties are not thriving there sad

InimitableJeeves Tue 01-Sep-15 22:59:29

Does she have a statement or EHCP? If so, is it adequate?

Givemestrength42 Tue 01-Sep-15 23:10:26

No she doesn't there is talk of one but again DD would have to engage at some level and that is often a big miss! I have tried everything including bribery but she is as stubborn as an ox.
She hates appearing "different" so won't allow her TA to sit with her or help her despite having one it's frustrating to say the least.

frazzledbutcalm Wed 02-Sep-15 10:22:43

flowers give

I have 4 dc. Ds1 NT. Dd1 aged 16 who has just been referred for ASD assessment. Dd2 aged 12 who was dx aged 11 with ASD. Ds2 aged 10 who has just been referred for ASD assessment.

They're all different and have different problems/ways. I'll talk about dd1 (who is 16 and just been referred). I found her behaviour started to get better in her teenage years. However, socially she seemed to regress. I didn't realise she may have ASD until we went through the dx process with her younger sister. She too didn't like to look different/admit there was a problem. Unlike your dd though, she was very quiet and unassuming in school. She currently has 1 friend, and I feel like I have to keep reminding/guiding dd on how to behave/text etc so as not to be too full on/bossy. She's somehow made 2 other 'friends' and I'm quite wary of this as they're girls she's never known and who don't know her. These new friends are more streetwise shall we say, to be polite.

I'm realising as I'm typing that this probably doesn't help you at all! Sorry, I know what in's my head but I'm struggling to convey it to you. blush

If your dd refuses to engage with anyone then I can't imagine you will get very far with help at school/dx process etc. BUT, surely that should tell professionals BIG TIME that your dd may have problems?! Why can't professionals see the obvious the same way us parents can? I can only think to have a meeting with the Senco and try to get 1 good teacher to work with your dd. It will take time. Maybe leave dd to her own devices for a while so she doesn't feel like she's constantly being bombarded with help/thoughts/problems? My dd didn't/doesn't like me talking about her 'difficulties'. I think she accepts them in her head but doesn't want them talked about because then they're real iyswim?

givemestrength42 Thu 03-Sep-15 11:52:27

Thanks , things have taken a real turn for the worse and I'm currently keeping her out of school (she has been signed off).

A few parents seem to have a bit of a hate campaign going and I have been harassed over the past few days by the band of anti DD parents. DD sounds much like your DD in that I have to oversee/guide friendships a bit as she does become a tad bossy!

frazzledbutcalm Thu 03-Sep-15 14:36:47

Ah no give sad

I hope you both get the help you need.

flowers

Ineedmorepatience Thu 03-Sep-15 16:02:41

Thats awful give I hope you can get this sorted! sad flowers

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