Hi all! I used to come here regularly when I still lived in the UK, but haven't for the past few years.
I'm German and we moved back here 6 years ago. Two of our children have ASD, one has a dx of AS, the other of HFA.
I usually use a German forum for questions, as things work so differently here. But this time it's quite a sensitive issue. I also write a quite well read blog about our 'life', which is why I don't want to post this on that forum as I will be identified...
Ds1 with AS (8) has always be very challenging. It's always gone on easier phases and then really hard ones again. He has very extreme and violent meltdowns and has next to none impulse control.
After a few changes recently (moved house, had a baby) he entered an extremely difficult phase again (6 months ago!). It got to the point I had to pull him out of school in April and he's been at home with me since. His 1-2-1 has also been signed off sick since then as she found it all so traumatic (don't blame her!!!).
Our last hope to get him back on track to return to school was to let him stay at a neurological clinic for children, have him assessed and try out new meds on top of the risperidone he is on already. Dh took time if work to stay with him at hospital as due to his severe meltdowns they said he shouldn't /couldn't stay by himself. Week 1 was ok, then it was back to normal - meltdowns in which he kicked, hit, scratched staff, kicked in a window, provoked and insulted other children... And then again being an innocent and sweet 8yo.
Meds did nothing, and dh needed to return to work after three weeks. So they had to come home.
Dr and psych said he wouldn't last in mainstream. I agree. They also said that in their opinion he should go to a residential special school (emphasis on social and emotional devt) as we won't be able to deal with this, plus everyone- especially siblings- suffers. And this is what's tearing me apart. I am so tired. I can't do this anymore. But of course I love ds1. How can I send him away? How can he survive without feeling he is well loved despite his challenging behaviour? I feel so guilty thinking how nice it would be for our family life if he went residential. And I just don't think if I can do it. But what's the alternative? I just don't know.
Btw, the dr noted that they rarely see cases like this where a child desperately wants to change but just can't. It breaks my heart. But his behaviour really does not make him very likeable.
Oh, and I say he has a dx of AS. But I actually believe he has PDA. And that's our next problem as this diagnosis doesn't actually exist in Germany!!
Sorry for this long, long ramble. I've been crying my eyes out all evening as I just don't know how we can send our child, our firstborn away. And I am so scared he will think we don't love him. :-(
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Crying my eyes out as I just don't know what to do
18 replies
Havingtomakedecisions · 22/06/2015 20:46
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PolterGoose ·
22/06/2015 20:58
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zzzzz ·
28/06/2015 22:02
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